The Do-Over(31)

He nodded. “I can only imagine I dropped a few notches in your estimation today.”

Without any true focal point, I stared back out at the garden, because I couldn’t look him in the eyes and tell him the truth. The man was a customer. “It’s not my place to judge you.”

“But you do.” He bumped his shoulder into mine.

“It’s my shit, Wes.”

Leaning into me a little bit, he began to talk, “Six years ago I lost my wife, Lisa, to breast cancer. She’d only been sick, let me rephrase that, we only knew about it for two years. She was asymptomatic for a long time and by the time the cancer started presenting, we had a whole host of issues on our hands.”

Reaching across with my left hand, I laid it on his left forearm and gave it a squeeze, “I’m so sorry.” I looked at his handsome profile and let my hand remain on his forearm.

He just nodded and continued, “During those two years, I was her biggest cheerleader. She wasn’t going to die because I wasn’t going to let her. I kept pushing her on, cheering her on. So, when she did die, I went to pieces. How could that happen, I was cheering, pushing, finding new treatments all over the world, working with nutritionists, spiritualists, you name it.”

“I’m so sorry,” was all I could repeat through my tears. My heart wept for him and his wife.

“After she died, I took off to Mexico and literally sat on a rock in Zihuatenajo for two weeks. Seriously.” He looked at me, his eyes sharing an intensity of pain that matched his resolve. “I sat on a rock and didn’t move. I couldn’t understand how it happened. I’d moved Heaven and Earth to fix it. To fix her. So, how the hell did she die? How?”

Tears were rushing down my face and I could hardly breathe. My hand on Wes’ forearm was now more for me, an anchor to hold me up, than it was for him.

“Finally, Stacy came and got me. She made me leave my rock and go home. I was just totally non-functional for a while and then one day when I was doing research, because I hadn’t yet let go, the concept of C-Kicker came to me. I knew the apparel industry inside and out and no one was meeting this need. And that is what gave me purpose again and transported me back to the land of the living.”

Nodding my head, I was too emotionally devastated to speak.

“And do you want to hear the kicker of all this?” He bumped my shoulder again.

“There’s more?” I choked out.

“You know when it rains it pours. Stacy has breast cancer, too. We’re dealing with her second recurrence of it now.”

“Noooo.” My response was low and guttural, another barrage of tears drowning my cheeks.

“She says hello, by the way.” Wes smiled at me.

I laughed through my tears, “What? You told her you saw me? I’m shocked that she remembered me.”

He nodded and smiled, “Yeah, she remembered you all right. She said she wishes she hadn’t been so mean to you. You might be on some long list of people she has somewhere that she needs to apologize to.”

“How is her prognosis?”

“We’ll see after she finishes this round of chemo.”

I nodded, not knowing what to say. We were silent for a few minutes and I wondered if the segue of conversation from Keiko to his confiding his past to me was some sort of explanation for his relationship with her. And if so, what did it mean? That after his wife, he wanted something different? Maybe younger might be equated with health in his mind? I wasn’t quite sure. But I was glad he’d confided in me.

“Wes Bergman, why do you always have a girlfriend when we meet?” I shocked myself when what I was thinking came out of my mouth.

The look in his eyes was not one I expected. I was anticipating a joke or wisecrack, but what I saw was a man who was dead serious. He moved his arm from mine on the railing and slung it over my shoulder, pulling me into him. With lips against my temple, his voice was gruff as he said, “I’ve never greeted the morning light with anyone but you.”

I don’t know if he thought it would make me happy to hear that I was the only one he’d ever done that with, but it had the exact opposite effect, and I’m sure it bewildered him as much as it surprised me to feel me stiffen in his arms and look away.





Chapter 12


“Well maybe he knew she was someone he wouldn’t fall for deeply,” was Jill’s take on the Wes/Keiko situation.

“I agree,” Laynie concurred. “I think after what that man went through, he was just looking for something to help him forget and heal. Keiko is not serious material for him. And he wasn’t ready for anything serious.”

I was on my second glass of wine and instead of feeling happy, the blues were setting in. “Well, it’s not like I’ve got a chance with the man.”

Picking the almonds out of the mixed nuts at the center of the table, Jill didn’t look up. “Why not, Tara? He’s obviously got a thing for you. You two have this special connection.”

“We sure do have a special connection and his name is Julien.” Just saying it made me shudder and reach for my wine glass.

Jill’s blue eyes opened wide with horror. “That’s got to be hanging over your head knowing at any time Julien can drop the guillotine,” her tone was hushed and dramatic.