The Cursed Queen (The Impostor Queen #2)(71)

CHAPTER NINETEEN


I am moved to a chamber on one of the top floors of the castle, in time to have a view of Nisse, Thyra, and a squad of his warriors leaving the protection of the tower and the stake-wall to ride through the city, on the road to Kupari. Thyra has been given a helmet and new cloak, as well as a sword that is probably too heavy for her to wield competently.

But Nisse wants to put on a show, I suspect, and so he gives her the weapons they fear, because they don’t understand us. I hope it works. He is taking a tiny force into enemy territory.

I am left behind with all my questions, fearing the march of the sun through the sky. Halina is back to being quiet and cautious, gentle but remote. I tell her that Thyra has been taken, and she doesn’t seem surprised.

She says nothing more to me about helping her, and I am glad. In knowing her, I’ve come to wish no harm on the Vasterutians, but they cannot be my people.

Truthfully, I don’t know who my people are anymore.

I fit with the Krigere so neatly, or so I always told myself. I took so much pleasure every time a true Krigere told me I was one of them. I took pride in being a victor, and security in being part of a tribe so strong that no one could tear us apart and take me away.

Like they had torn me away from my Kupari family.

I don’t know where I belong now. The loss eats at me, loneliness with teeth.

Jaspar comes to see me only a few hours after his father leaves the city. I look at him with surprise as he enters my chamber. “I thought you would go with them.”

His smile contains a hint of bitterness. “Someone had to be in charge while the chieftain was away.”

“But you wanted to go.” I watch him as he walks to the window and peers out. “Do you miss sleeping under the stars and raiding in the morning?”

“Ah. You know me too well.” He leans on the stone sill. “Shall we walk? I think we both need the air.”

I glance nervously at the door. “I’m not eager to face more hateful stares.”

“Come.” His smile is warm as sunlight. “You’ll breathe free when we’re up high.” When I don’t move, he goes to the door and opens it. “You’ll feel like a bird, I promise.”

“Why—are you going to push me off the parapet?”

“Only if you leap on my back and bite my ear off.” He winks and heads into the hallway. I follow, my shoulders drawn up when I hear the laughter of warriors coming from a chamber down the corridor. But Jaspar ducks into the staircase that spirals up, and we walk until we reach a door directly over our heads. “Wait until you see,” he says, pushing the door open.

What I see is sky, and it calls to me like a lover. I smile as he boosts me into the cold winter air and scoot to the side as he pulls himself up to join me. It’s a relatively large space, enough for a ring of twenty archers to kneel comfortably. I crawl over to the low wall and gasp as I see the Torden, vast and white-gray under scattered, wispy winter clouds. The cold nips my nose and fingers but is pushed back immediately by the fire inside me. I shake my head in confusion as Jaspar joins me.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Sometimes this curse protects me, and sometimes it causes me agony. I can’t tell what it wants or how to please it.” I bite my lip. “Or how to rule it.” I know that’s what Nisse wants.

Jaspar looks down at my hand, where scarring swirls across my knuckles. “I am sorry you have suffered so much. Do you ever regret surviving the storm that day?”

I stare at the waves, only ripples compared to the churn of water in my memory. “That is a complicated question.”

He traces a fingertip along a swirl of silver across the back of my hand. “I hope someday it will be simple. And that the answer will be no.”

“Me too,” I whisper.

“There is no one fiercer or stronger to bear this burden, though,” he continues. “I have no doubt about that.”

I laugh. “I do.”

“I know. But only because you’ve been pushed there.”

“What do you mean?”

“What if you had a chieftain who loved what you are, instead of fearing or despising it?”

I groan. “Are you here to convince me to join Nisse?” I am so tired of being the animal hide in this game of tug of war.

“I don’t want to convince you of anything. You’ll make the decision on your own. I’m just asking you the same kinds of questions I’ve been asking since the moment I saw you again, standing so strong at my cousin’s side—without knowing what she’d done, or who she really was.”

“She didn’t—” I clamp my lips shut. I was about to tell him she hadn’t denied the accusation when I asked her, but that would reveal that I’ve spoken to her. “I don’t know why she didn’t just tell me the truth in the first place.”

“I do. She knew you would have struggled with the truth, because you are an arrow, Ansa. You fly straight. You find your target. You do not twist and bend.”

“I certainly feel like I’ve been tied in knots now.”

“Who could blame you? It should be simpler. For you especially. Whether you can’t wield your magic because of the blow to the head she gave you—or the shame she’s piled upon you for simply being who you are—”