The Cogsmith's Daughter (Desertera #1)(67)

Willem shook his head. “No, you don’t understand, Aya. I thought you liked me. I thought you cared about me the way I care about you. I thought you weren’t like the other women, that I meant more to you than my coin purse.”

Aya clenched her fists. “And am I anything more to you than a nice bedding?”

“Excuse me?” Willem looked as if he would spit the words. A single vein bulged in his forehead.

“What? Both times I ran into you near the stern, you were coming from the staircase that leads to the Rudder.” Aya mockingly put her hand on her chest. “Whatever could you have been doing down there?”

Willem’s brow furrowed. “I wasn’t…I was retrieving my uncle…I…” He stopped mid-sentence, his eyebrows lifting. “How do you know those stairs go to the Rudder?”

Aya flushed, her mind scrambling for an answer. “It’s not difficult to figure out. It’s at the back of the ship. Besides, Lord Varick told me when I moved into his estate.”

“Is that so?” Willem said the words slowly, clearly unbelieving.

“Stop it,” Aya hissed. “The point is, how can I know I’m more than your whore?”

Willem squared his jaw. “And how can I know I’m more than your next rung on the noble ladder?”

Aya let out a long breath. “It’s not about wealth or title. Not with you or the king.”

“Then what is it about, Aya?” Willem ran his fingers through his hair. “Explain it to me.”

Aya glanced down the hallway. No one passed by the entrance. Her head ached with all the secrets banging around her brain. Every cell in her body longed to tell Willem the truth, to be done with the lies. He might have even understood. He had told Aya that his mother had been murdered. Surely he could empathize with Aya’s motives. But dragging Willem into this scheme, whether he understood or not, would put him in too much danger. Aya’s heart panged at the thought. She said the only honest thing she could say.

“Willem, I swear to you on my father’s ashes that I do not care about the king—not about his money or title or personality.” Aya took a deep breath before looking up, hoping her eyes could communicate what she could not. “But I do care about you, and that is why I cannot tell you about my involvement with King Archon.”

“That’s not good enough.” Willem pursed his lips, stepping away from Aya. “I believe that you have no affection for the king. That coldness in your eyes…” Willem shook his head. “I’m even arrogant enough to believe that you do feel something for me. But none of this makes sense. The king is married. What you’re doing, it’s—”

“Adulterous?” Aya whispered.

Willem rubbed his forehead. “Exactly. What could possibly be worth putting your life in jeopardy?”

Aya’s jaw tightened. “Trust me. It’s worth it.”

“Look, Aya, I don’t know what you’re doing. But even if you do not commit adultery, you are still in danger. King Archon, he uses people.” Willem glanced over his shoulder, as if someone might be eavesdropping. “He’s not a good man. He’s not safe to be around.”

Aya raised her eyebrows. “What makes you say that?”

“I’ve lived in the palace my entire life,” Willem stated, his voice flat, emotionless. “It’s hard not to notice things.”

“What things?”

Willem rolled his eyes. “Don’t act innocent with me. Whoever you’re working with—and yes, I don’t think this is something a wellman’s daughter would have cooked up on her own—they must know what the king is like. All the nobles know. What I can’t figure out is who would be stupid enough to play games with the king and what exactly constitutes winning.”

Aya bit her lip. She couldn’t say anything more, not without overtly lying to him or telling him the truth. As she stared up at Willem, she saw the anger drain from his eyes. His forehead crinkled with confusion and concern. Knowing this may be her only chance to secure his sympathies, Aya reached for his hand. Willem didn’t pull away.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” Aya whispered. “I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry that I can’t tell you the truth. But if you truly care about me, you won’t turn me in to the guards.”

Willem swallowed hard. “Let me help you. Whatever you’re doing, I can get you out of it. My family has connections, I can—”

“Shh.” Aya squeezed Willem’s hand. “Your life isn’t worth risking.”

“And yours is?”

The corner of Aya’s lip tugged up in a sad smile. “It has to be. Now, will you please leave this alone?”

Willem shook his head. “There has to be a way I can help. Please, Aya, I’ve seen what the king can do firsthand. You have to let me save you.”

“I don’t need you to save me, Willem.” Aya let out a soft chuckle. “I’m saving myself.”

Before Willem could retort, Aya grabbed his neck and pulled him into a soft kiss. His lips moved against hers slowly but with great pressure, as if he needed her to feel his urgency. After a moment, Aya pulled away and cupped his face.

“I won’t say anything.” He sighed. “Not because I support whatever it is you’re doing, but because I do care about you, and I don’t want to see anyone else get hurt.”