The Chilbury Ladies' Choir(79)
“Of course, you may wish to, well, consummate the marriage before the event, so to speak,” Mama said in a bit of a hurry, rather embarrassed. I must have looked at her as if she’d lost her mind, as she quickly added, “So that he doesn’t doubt the parentage of the baby.” She smiled at Silvie, who was looking especially alert, and I couldn’t believe that either of them was keeping up the ridiculous charade that Silvie doesn’t know exactly what’s going on, and how it had come about.
After a while I dragged myself out of the comfort of the nursery and headed down to my room, where you find me now. My mind is going round in circles: Why am I here, what was I thinking, why is this the best choice, surely there are alternatives, and where is he? Where is Alastair? Doesn’t he hear my pain expanding exponentially through the universe, covering multitudes of galaxies with a never-ending scream?
Where is he?
I sat at my dressing table and took out the pendant, wishing on it that he would arrive, like a knight in shining armor, and whisk me away. Or that I would wake up and find it was all a horrid dream, happening to a different Venetia, on a different planet, somewhere high, high above us in the brutal, dispassionate universe.
I will write soon.
Much love,
Venetia
LITCHFIELD HOSPITAL,
LITCHFIELD,
KENT.
Thursday, 8th August, 1940
Dear Clara,
What a day! First of all, the stupid boy came in to tell me he lost my money. I cannot believe I entrusted my fortune to such an incompetent idiot. He found it, took it to his hut, and then someone ruddy well stole it. He thinks it was Ralph Gibbs, so I’ll be having words with him when I’m out of this place.
Next, there I was, lying in the lumpy hospital bed, when in jaunts the Tilling woman, her beady eyes on me as she strode down the ward, a bright and shiny new look of determination about her. She was all fitted and buttoned up in a navy-blue coat I’d never seen on her before—a far cry from the baggy old gray thing she usually wears—and carrying a brown leather handbag that looked like it could give someone a nasty bruise if she took a good swing at them.
“Enjoying your break?” she chirped in her singsong way, putting on a forced, unfriendly smile, the one you might see on a magistrate’s face just before he finds you guilty. “Nice to put your feet up, isn’t it?” She patted my leg, and I winced at the thought of how much pain she could inflict should the mood take her. I thanked the Lord that she was such a wimp, although I have to say that she’s not the downtrodden widow any longer. This war has given her a real boost. You can tell by the way she holds herself, more upright now, none of the slouching shoulders and moping face. Where once she was always running little steps to keep up, now there’s a purpose to her stride, like she’s more worthy than the rest of us, doing more, giving up more for this war, for our community. And we’d better show a little respect.
“Ah, Mrs. Tilling, what a lovely surprise!” I pulled out my syrupy smile. “How good of you to visit poor little me, wrecked up in hospital. I was just thinking that you were the only person decent and kind enough to come.”
“Well,” she sighed. “I actually came to ask you a few questions about the day the two babies were born.”
I kept a calm smile glued on my face, but I never dreamed she’d jump to the chase like that. “I’ll be glad to help you there. Quite a day it was!” I took a sip of water from the glass beside my bed for sustenance.
She pulled up a chair, sitting her narrow behind on the edge.
“I’ve been thinking,” she began in an ominously lowered voice, “how strange it was that both babies appear to have had the same breathing problem that required resuscitation, at your house no less.”
“Yes, it was a very trying day, but one has to do one’s best. You see, these things are a lot more common than you think. It was fortunate I had the correct apparatus. It’s incredible how ten years of experience can mean the difference between life and”—a pause, creasing up my eyes for effect—“death.”
“How very fortunate that you were there,” she said, raising a skinny eyebrow. “Although perhaps if you hadn’t been, the babies would have stayed with their rightful mothers.”
All I could think was, We’re done for!
But then a nauseating little smile touched her lips, and I could see that she thought she’d won, and of all the things I am, Clara, I am not a loser, so I pulled myself together and did a spot of clever thinking. For her to just come out and say it means she thinks she can scare me into an admission, and she ain’t getting no admission out of me, no matter how close to the truth she gets.
“What can you mean?” I smiled.
“Only that having both the babies in your house at the same time would have made it possible for you to have swapped them. You could have given the boy baby to Mrs. Winthrop, and the girl to Hattie.”
“What a preposterous suggestion,” I sputtered, feeling my voice cracking a little. I decided to try to laugh it off, make her sound like the crazy one. “How could you dream up such a monstrous idea, Mrs. Tilling? Have you lost your mind?” I shook my head in a disgusted way.
“I didn’t dream it up, Miss Paltry.” She looked directly into my eyes, her voice calm and collected, a judge revealing the final sentence. “The facts led me to believe it to be true.”