The Breakdown(84)
20 Sep 23.49
Did she say which drawer?
20 Sep 23.49
Bedside
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20 Sep 23.49
Hold on, going to check
20 Sep 23.53
You’re right, found 11
Have a bril iant idea
20 Sep 23.53
You’re getting me excited
20 Sep 23.54
Will use them for overdose
20 Sep 23.54
No!!! You can’t!!!
20 Sep 23.54
Make it seem like suicide attempt, make her seem unstable 20 Sept 23.55
What if they kill her?
20 Sept 23.55
Our problem would be solved
But they won’t. Will research properly, don’t worry I hear his soft tread on the stairs and with each step he takes my heart thumps a little louder, the beat of a drum heralding his arrival. As he comes to a stop at the foot The Breakdown
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of my bed, it reaches a crescendo and I can’t believe he
can’t hear it, or see my body shaking underneath the quilt. Surely he can sense my fear, just as I can sense him standing there looking down at me. Does he know I have the phone? Or am I safe, at least for another night?
The waiting becomes unbearable, then impossible. I stir slightly and half open my eyes.
‘You’re back,’ I mumble sleepily. ‘Did you have a good time with Andy?’
‘Yes, he sends his love. Go back to sleep, I’m going for a shower.’
I close my eyes obediently and he leaves the room.
And as his footsteps disappear down the hall, the ticker tape of messages continues to scroll through my brain.
21 Sep 16.11
We have problem
She knows you were in the house earlier 21 Sep 16.11
How?
21 Sep 16.11
Don’t know, have cal ed police 21 Sep 16.12
What? Why?
21 Sep 16.12
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Because she wanted me to
Would have looked suspicious if I refused Going home now, hope I’ll be able to cover for you 21 Sep 23.17
Can you get back to me asap
Real y worried, need to know what happened this afternoon 21 Sep 23.30
Don’t worry, all OK
21 Sep 23.30
How did she know I was there?
21 Sep 23.30
You put her mug in dishwasher She noticed
21 Sep 23.31
Did I? Don’t remember
21 Sep 23.31
Who has eod now?
21 Sep 23.31
You seem very cheerful considering near miss 21 Sep 23.31
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Everything has worked out for best
21 Sep 23.32
How’s that?
21 Sep 23.32
After police left I told her she was paranoid and eod She stormed off, took 2 pil s
21 Sep 23.33
So?
21 Sep 23.33
So will add 13 in drawer to orange juice tomorrow morning + 2 she takes
Total 15
+ 2 already in bloodstream
Should be enough
21 Sep 23.34
You mean it’s real y going to happen?
21 Sep 23.34
Too good a chance to miss
It’s now or never
21 Sep 23.34
Will it work?
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21 Sep 23.35
I can attest to row we had
You can say she was depressed when you saw her yesterday afternoon Say she told you about pil s in drawer but you never thought she’d use them 21 Sep 23.36
15 pills won’t kill her will they?
21 Sep 23.36
No, just make her il
I’ll go home at lunch time, pretend I want to make up Hopefully will find her unconscious and will call ambulance
*
22 Sep 08.08
Have done it
Leaving for work but will go back in couple of hours 22 Sep 08.09
What if she doesn’t drink juice?
22 Sep 08.09
She will make another suicide attempt 22 Sep 11.54
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Just got call from hospital
On way there now
22 Sep 11.54
Does that mean it worked?
22 Sep 11.55
Looks like it. She phoned ambulance herself Will let you know I suddenly realise that the shower hasn’t been turned on, that Matthew isn’t in the bathroom. My heart races with fear. Where is he? In the dark silence I strain my ears and hear the low murmur of his voice coming from the front bedroom. He and Rachel must be terrified that the phone will somehow find its way into the hands of the police and that their game will be up. Are they in enough of a panic to kill me? Or at the very least force-feed me enough pills to make it look as if I’ve made another suicide attempt, except that this time it succeeds? As I lie in bed waiting for him to come back, my hand still clutching the can, I feel more frightened than I ever have. Especially now that I know about the knife.
08 Aug 23.44
Went like a dream at doctors today 08 Aug 23.44
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Medication?