The Bound (Ascension #2)(68)

“I’m just…going to get some air,” Cyrene said. She nodded her head at the lot of them and then left to give them all space.

Avoca followed Cyrene above deck. Cyrene could sense her even though she couldn’t hear her silent footsteps.

Magic flooded her fingertips as her emotions ran rampant, and she had to forcibly put a hold on it. There was so much there. It terrified her.

What if I destroy everything in my path all over again? What if my emotions keep running away with me, and destruction falls on my friends rather than just my foes? What if I could never control it?

“I am glad you finally got it all out in the open,” Avoca said.

“It was time.”

“They’ll still fight for you. They love you.”

Cyrene nodded and clenched her hands. “Your mother was afraid of letting me leave for the very reason that happened back on the docks. I lost control,” she whispered. “I…killed people.”

“You don’t know that,” Avoca said.

Cyrene looked down and then up into her impossibly blue eyes. “Yes, I do. At the time, I wanted to believe that the silence after the blast was normal. I told myself, other heartbeats were out there, but once Dean pulled me out of it, the only heartbeat roaring in my ears was my own…and Dean’s. I couldn’t feel anything or anyone out there.”

“You’re new to your powers. You could have tapped out at that point.”

“I would have blacked out,” Cyrene insisted.

Avoca shook her head and looked out at the flat ocean before them. It was in that serene place between lands where nothing existed but the sweet salty air and the endless blue depths below.

“My first kill was a human,” Avoca whispered.

“What?” Cyrene asked, stunned.

“It was an accident. I thought I was better than my six team leader, and I wandered off in the wrong direction. Suddenly, I was trapped. I had triggered a bear trapper’s metal mechanism. It closed around my ankle, digging through the skin and touching the bone. It was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt in my life, and I had gone through extensive six team training.” Avoca didn’t meet Cyrene’s eyes, and she could tell Avoca was recalling that day. “The man came back for me, thinking I was his next meal ticket. When he saw me, he seemed surprised to see a human in his trap. He quickly went to work, removing the claw attached to my ankle, but I was scared. I was in so much pain. My emotions were high. Everything hurt and was blurry. I didn’t know what to do.”

Cyrene swallowed. “What happened?”

“My magic went wild. All my training fled my mind, and I was just out of control. Even though he had saved my life and freed me, my magic wasn’t honed enough to stop me from making a horrible mistake. That’s all it was. One horrible mistake. And then his life winked out of him.

“I spent a good many years paying penance for that deed. I tried to quit the military and my magic, but my mother wouldn’t let me. You know what she said to me?”

“What?”

“‘This is a lesson, not a punishment. You do this man’s death a disservice by not learning how to use your magic properly.’”

Cyrene cringed.

“It hurt at the time, but she was right. I’ve never lost control like that again, and I use my magic sparingly. Only when I’m at the extremes of my own physical prowess.”

They stood in silence for a few moments before Cyrene placed her hand on Avoca’s arm. “Thank you,” she whispered.

Avoca smiled. “I’m going to make sure everyone is all right below.”

Cyrene nodded, and Avoca disappeared below deck. She knew that Avoca was right. She couldn’t blame herself for everything that had happened. She would carry it with her. Those nameless lives that she might have harmed in her quest. But she would use that as a reminder of how much worse it could be if she didn’t find Matilde and Vera.

“Anything I can help you with?” Dean asked, sidling up next to her.

Cyrene jumped. She hadn’t even heard his approach. He might have even more silent feet than Avoca. Or maybe he was just more familiar with the boat.

“Help me with?” she inquired.

“You were planning something in the captain’s quarters. Care to share?” Despite the serious question, he had a smile on his face.

“We were just discussing the plans for when we get to Eleysia.”

“What would you like to do when you get there?”

Cyrene considered the question. “I’ve heard about these two women who work with people with magic. Matilde and Vera,” she said hopefully.

Dean frowned. “I see. I’ve never heard of them before, but like I said, while we believe in magic being in everything, there aren’t actually people with magic in Eleysia.”

Cyrene deflated. “I see.”

“But, if I can help, I will.”

This didn’t change anything. Just because he didn’t know people with magic didn’t mean Matilde and Vera weren’t there. Basille Selby had told her to go there…so these women must exist.

“By the way, have you given more consideration to my offer?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, you’ve considered? Or yes…you’ll go?”

“I’ll go.”