The Bad Luck Bride (The Brides of St. Ives #1)(79)
“Oh, Henderson,” she said and pressed her lips against his beard-roughened cheek.
“I had to leave. I felt I was to blame for Joseph’s death, that if I had been there, he would not have killed himself. All this time, I’ve suffered, unable to fully live knowing that I was responsible for my best friend’s death.”
“My parents, I don’t know what I should tell them.” Alice could feel the tears pricking at her eyes, recalling that terrible night when they’d been informed of Joseph’s death.
Henderson scrubbed his face with his free hand. “They will find out at some point. The constable is fully aware that Gerald Grant is likely responsible for the deaths of five men.”
“I can’t believe so much evil lives within him. I know Gerald. I always thought he was a bit strange, but I never would have thought him capable of murder. All those men. It’s overwhelming to think of.” Alice let out a small sob, and Henderson gathered her against him, making low soothing sounds.
“I don’t want you to cry, because there is something else I need to tell you.”
Alice let out a watery laugh. “I’m not certain I can take much more of your news.”
He chuckled and gave her a quick kiss. “This is good news—well, mostly. The night before he died, Joseph made me promise never to touch you.”
Drawing back with surprise, Alice said, “He did? Why ever would he do that? And how could you possibly think that is a good thing?”
“At the time, it wasn’t, of course. You were walking by and I looked at you and I suppose Joseph saw something in my expression that angered him. It might have been that I wanted to make love to you; it was all I could think of at the time.”
“Truly?”
“Truly. Then he died, and I thought it was suicide and I left. And you kept getting engaged but never married. Think of it. What are the chances that one girl could have so many weddings called off? Why, one fiancé even died in the church. I think it was Joseph trying to bring us together. If he was looking down from heaven, he surely knew I loved you and that I falsely believed I was responsible for his death. I think he’s been trying to right a wrong all this time.”
Alice’s eyes widened. “You think Joseph killed poor Lord Livingston?”
“Not in so many words, but I think it was fate and Joseph was behind it all. Everything has aligned to finally bring us together, and I’m convinced that Joseph has been watching and likely getting a bit frustrated in the process.”
She smiled softly. “It is nice to think.”
“There, see? I told you there was some good in all this. Now all we have to do is convince your parents to allow you to marry me.”
“My mother is very nearly convinced already, but I fear my father will be a bit more of a challenge. I’d never realized how strongly he felt about society’s rules. Then again, his father is a duke.”
Henderson leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his knees. “I’m very rich, you know. I realize that does not matter in terms of bloodline, but I could give you the life you are accustomed to. You wouldn’t suffer in that way.”
Letting out a small laugh, Alice said, “I know. Apparently St. Claire was intrigued by you and did a bit of detective work. How wealthy are you?”
“Wealthy enough to make your father reconsider how worthy I am of you. I was a man driven after I left England. I worked endless hours and built a bit of an empire, only to see that very empire cause the deaths of millions. I couldn’t have foreseen what would happen when England built all those railroads. If I had, I would never have made such investments. I sold my shares when I realized, of course, but the damage is done. That is why I feel so strongly about famine relief. Guilt is a powerful incentive, and it seems it has driven nearly all my decisions for years.”
Alice gave him a small punch to the arm. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for the famine. My goodness, Henny, you’re just one man.”
Rubbing where she’d hit him, even though it had merely been a tap, Henderson nodded. “I do realize that. I invested blindly in a railway company as hundreds of men have before me and I made scads of money, which was my only intent. It wasn’t until four years later, after a terrible drought, that the full effects of what we had done became evident. I was like all Englishmen, thinking improvements to a country’s infrastructure would lead to modernization, would help the natives become more civilized, more like us. It wasn’t until I lived amongst the people for years that I realized the English do not know the true meaning of civilization. I’m afraid I’ve become a bit of a progressivist in the last four years.”
Alice was quiet for a time, digesting all he had said, her admiration for him growing even stronger. “You are such a good, good man, Henderson. I think that perhaps I am not worthy of you. And I am going to do everything in my power to prove to my parents that to have you as a son-in-law will only reflect well on them.”
“Thank you,” he said softly.
*
Henderson was moved beyond speech by what Alice said, and he counted himself among the luckiest of men to have such a woman love him. He’d been sickened by the thought of telling her about her brother, about his small role in the famine in India, not knowing what her reaction would be. But there she sat, leaning her head against his shoulder, making him feel like a man worthy of such a prize.