The Abyss Surrounds Us (The Abyss Surrounds Us #1)(60)
“Look up,” Swift says when I settle at her side.
The moonless night is a gift. The Milky Way stretches out above us, a spillage of light in the deep black of the ocean. With the slumbering Minnow’s lights off, we can see for millennia.
“That’s Cygnus, over there—the swan. And Pisces. Fish. And there’s Cetus,” Swift says her fingertips brushing up against the sky as she connects the dots between each one. “The whale.”
“You know your stuff, huh?” I ask, leaning back against the cannon.
“Mom always told me stories. Y’know, about the goddesses and heroes and monsters. And she taught me where to find them in the sky. Showed me how to navigate with them, told me what they were like. Never quite became one, though,” she says, rubbing the back of her neck with one hand.
When her fingers fall away, I spot the little fish inked there. “So I get that everyone on this ship has one of those tattoos,” I say, “but why … ”
The darkness emboldens me. I reach over and brush the sliver of ink. Swift’s spine goes rigid under the pad of my finger, and I jerk my hand back.
She smirks, her gaze fixed on the distant line of the horizon barely distinguishable from the dark of the night. “One of Mom’s best stories was about a Greek king and a man named Damocles. One day, Damocles goes to his king and starts sucking up, telling him how great his life must be and how wonderful his power is. So the king offers to switch places with Damocles, to give him a taste of what being king is like. Of course the sucker accepts, so the king lays out a lavish banquet for him, and Damocles is jazzed. Then the king shows him where he’ll be sitting. It’s a throne, totally tricked out, but suspended above it by a single thread of horsehair is a sword, pointed right at the seat. Damocles gets it now—he understands that with great power comes a shit-ton of danger. So when Santa Elena asked where I wanted my tattoo, I decided to put it where it would remind me of that story. ’Cause you’re at the top of the world—you’re the most powerful thing on the sea when you’re serving under her—but there’s a cost. There’s always a cost.” She trails off, staring out at the dark waves.
“Is it worth it?” I ask.
“Why, you thinking of signing on?”
My lips twist, as does an invisible dagger in my gut. It’s an innocent-enough joke, but there’s weight behind it. With rescue ships inbound, my days on the Minnow are numbered, no matter what happens when they catch up. As much as I hate to admit it—which isn’t very much, I’m finding—this ship’s become home in the past few months.
Swift snorts, folding her arms against the chill sea winds. “It’s never going to end,” she groans. “That’s the worst bit. I … I dunno, when I signed on to this crew, I thought it’d be over someday, or at least I’d be the one calling the shots in the end. Y’know, I was a kid. I thought I could change, I thought I could get out. I thought I wouldn’t end up like … ” There’s something breaking inside her, something that’s pushing her close to tears, but she bites down on them, ducking her head to keep me from seeing. “I’m trapped.”
“Yeah, me too,” I tell her, and her watery gaze snaps up, her bright blue eyes fixed on mine. “I mean … I used to want more than anything to get off this ship, to go home, to do some good in the world. But after … yesterday, after what I’ve done—” I break off, trying to collect my thoughts. “I’ve spent my whole life fighting pirates. It’s in my blood. It’s what I do. And then three months on this boat and I’m just one of them.”
“Am I ‘just one of them’?” Swift asks, miffed.
“No. You’re so much more.” The traitorous truth slips from my lips far too quickly for me to rescind it. I can feel a blush building in my cheeks, and from the stunned look on Swift’s face, the darkness is doing nothing to conceal it. “I mean—”
“Oh, shit.”
“If it weren’t for … everything … ”
She buries her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with laughter.
“Quit it,” I yelp, swatting her on the shoulder. “It’s not funny.”
“It really isn’t,” Swift says, but she’s giggling still, and I can’t help but laugh with her. It’s ridiculous. It’s outrageous. Bao could tap dance across the NeoPacific right now and it wouldn’t seem that out of place, because I’m in way over my head and I’m falling.
I’m falling for her, she’s fallen for me, and the whole thing is so desperate and stupid that we’re both reduced to fits of laughter that ring out across the Minnow’s deck. We’re two trapped girls with nothing but each other on a ship of people who’d be better off with us dead, and somehow on top of that we’ve managed to do the one thing we shouldn’t be able to do.
Three months ago, Swift dragged me on this ship and I punched her in the face. And now I’m so tied to her that my heart aches at the thought of having to leave this boat. Home used to be Reckoner pens, Mom’s lab, Dad and Tom in the kitchen. But the Minnow’s taught me a truth that’s been hiding in plain sight my entire life.
Home is what you kill for.
And I killed for Swift.
But even though I want to, even though there’s an energy crackling between us right now that’s almost impossible to deny, I know we can’t do anything about this. I know how that would look. No matter how you swing it, I’m still a prisoner on this ship, and Swift is still one of my jailers. We go this far, no farther.