Tease(31)

It doesn’t help me any more than I helped my brother.

But it’s not nothing, either. It’s not nothing.





February


“SEE, THAT’S HIM over there, warming up.” I point, and Alex cranes his neck, as if sitting up straighter will make it easier to see across the indoor field.

“Oh, yeah, I see him,” Tommy says. “Do you know all those guys?”

“Not really,” I say. Alex is still squirming around, a bundle of excited energy. “Bud, you wanna go get us some sodas from the machine?” I ask him, hoping that’ll burn off some of the wiggles. Or just give me a break from them for three minutes, at least.

“Yeah!” He keeps shifting around as I pull a five-dollar bill out of my purse and hand it over.

I expect Tommy to go with him, but his eyes are glued to the field, and the vending machines are within sight, so I can keep an eye on Alex. He sprints away.

“Dad likes to play catch with us,” Tommy says.

I’m not sure what he’s trying to say, but I get that sometimes he just likes to talk about our dad. Even if I don’t. So I go, “Yeah, I know. We have all those gloves in the garage. I bet Dylan will come over again soon, if you want to practice? For the next time Dad comes to visit?”

“Yeah, cool,” Tommy says.

We turn our focus back to Dylan and the rest of the team. It’s just a bunch of drills, not a game, but it’s sort of more fun this way. The giant indoor facility is on the university campus, and I like the way the white canopy feels like it’s a mile over our heads. I texted Dylan that we were coming, mostly so he’d know I couldn’t stick around after practice because my brothers would be here. But I don’t mind. I feel so grown-up, driving two kids around a college campus, visiting my varsity boyfriend, watching a bunch of senior guys I didn’t even know three months ago but who now keep waving hello. I feel like this is what college will be like—though hopefully I can at least get into (and pay for) the bigger university, in Lincoln. If I stay here I bet my mom will want me to live at home.

“They only had Sprite!” Alex is yelling, holding up a plastic bottle to me. The boys aren’t allowed to drink anything with caffeine, so I assume this means that they didn’t have, like, 7-Up or anything. “And I only got two, they were two-fifty!”

“Ouch,” I say. I’m talking about the price, but he also accidentally smacks me with one of the bottles. Not on purpose or very hard, but still. I take it and pass it over to Tommy, who opens it without looking at us. “Hey,” I say, nudging him.

“Thanks,” he says automatically, still not looking over. It occurs to me that he’s feeling kind of grown-up, too, and probably doesn’t want his big sister bugging him. Or his little brother.

I look around the bleachers, wondering if Brielle is gonna be here. She said she might come, but she’s not that into my brothers. I get it. Sometimes it bums me out, of course, but Brielle’s an only child, so it’s not like she could even understand. Still. She’s been hanging out with this guy Marcus a lot, and he’s on the team, so I guess there’s a chance she might show.

But instead I see Emma. She’s just walking in, with Beth. Ugh, I forgot that Kyle’s on the team, so I’ll probably be seeing even more of her. Whatever.

I try to look away, but it’s like my head is stuck. She and Beth are talking in low voices, and Emma looks like she’s been crying or something. She always looks that way—when she’s not flirting with some guy or whatever. Or even when she is, sometimes. She’s this permanent bruise, always getting her feelings hurt, always injured. Everyone at school knows she sees a therapist, and I wonder why they haven’t just put her on antidepressants already. Or ones that actually work.

Beth looks up and sees me and waves. I don’t really like her, but I nod a little. Emma looks over and I glare at her, but I don’t know if she sees it. She has on that pretty coat again, and everything about her looks, I don’t know, vivid. But fragile at the same time. Like when Mom took us to see Finding Nemo in 3-D and the fish looked like they were real, they were so bright—but then you reached out your hand and it would pass right through them.

Finally I manage to stop staring at stupid Emma Putnam and turn myself back toward the field.

“Are you friends with them?” Alex asks. “Why aren’t they coming to sit with us?”

“Probably because you’re such a tool,” Tommy says.

“Am not!” Alex protests.

“See, that’s just what a tool would say.”

“Tommy, how do you even know that word?” I ask, torn between wanting to yell at him to be nicer to Alex and wanting to laugh at him saying tool.

“Everyone knows it,” he says with a shrug.

I manage to keep a straight face when I add, “Well, it’s not okay to call your brother.”

“Yeah,” Alex says, sucking on the lip of his Sprite bottle. He’s chewing it like he’s a puppy or something, and I can’t help but wrinkle my nose.

“But Alex, come on, you could stop being gross.”

Then Tommy lets out a burp and I shake my head, wishing I’d thought harder before bringing them here. I’m positive that Emma is staring at us—we’re in the front, so I don’t know where exactly she and Beth are sitting without turning around again. And I am not turning—but I can feel her stupid eyes on us.