Taming Wilde (Waltzing with the Wallflower #3)(20)

“Oh, it is you,” Van Burge said once he came into view. “I thought I heard a woman’s voice.”

“Yes, sometimes I speak higher in order to amuse myself.” Colin rolled his eyes. “Good evening, Van Burge.”

“Say…” Van Burge stood in front of Colin, blocking his path of escape. Perhaps he would get lucky and find himself knocked out? “Have you seen Lady Montgomery?”

The bush next to Colin’s boots moved erratically.

He sighed heavily and cursed. “Can’t say that I have. Tell me of whom you are speaking again? I find the women I spend my time with begin to have the same needy face. It is often difficult to tell them apart.”

“If you touch—”

“I haven’t.” Colin glared. “Now, run along. It seems you are missing your fiancée.”

“Yes, well… good evening.”

Colin shook his head and made his way toward the main path. Of course he would try to seduce Gemma’s brother’s fiancée. It did nothing but affirm his original fears. He would be joining Anthony in the Lake of Fire.

The walk back was interrupted by yet another snag. Gemma’s voice. Without thinking, Colin hid. A man was speaking to her about the fireworks. She laughed her musical laugh that, unfortunately, did nothing for his headache or his heart. Deciding he’d had enough pain for the evening, Colin turned to go back a different way, when his head hit yet another branch.

He fell to the ground cursing. “Are all trees united against me now? Has nature taken a vote and decided I am no longer deserving of respect?” He threw his fist into the air and continued yelling at the offending tree, when all of a sudden his blurry eyes focused on Gemma and her escort, Mr. Everett, as well as Gemma’s maid.

“Are you unwell?” Mr. Everett asked.

“I am perfectly fine, just having a conversation…”

“With a tree?” Gemma asked, her eyes widened in either horror or amusement — he wasn’t quite certain which, considering he was seeing at least six sets of eyes at the moment.

“Has the tree… offended you, Sir Wilde?” This from Everett, who was now coughing with disapproval behind his hand.

“Yes.” Colin cursed again. “For it is erect, while I am on the ground suffering from a headache.”

“Well, we shall leave you to it, then.” Mr. Everett chuckled. “Come along, Lady Gemma.”

“But…” She looked down at Colin and frowned. “He might have a head injury.”

“Then perhaps he should stop living his current lifestyle of debauchery and try to keep himself from consuming his weight in whiskey. After all, his eyes are bloodshot, and he looks completely foxed! He’s speaking to trees, for heaven’s sake! Come along, my lady, you are in my care, and I will not have you ruined.” Everett wrapped his fingers around Gemma’s arm and gestured toward the path.

Gemma pulled her arm from his grasp and took a step toward Colin. Was she going to stay? Nurse him back to health? Kiss his wounds and… Colin had to stop daydreaming, lest he become aroused. That was the last thing he needed, for rumors to spread that not only did Colin talk to trees, but they affected him in ways… he could not even complete the thought. It was too horrid to dwell on. He closed his eyes.

“See? He has already blacked out!” Mr. Everett exclaimed.

Colin waited for them to leave. Though it took more coaxing, Gemma finally relented, and he was left under the tree, wondering how this night of seduction had ended so horribly. At least now he was alone, able to nurse his headache without any irritating—

“Wilde! Got yourself in another scuffle, did you?” Anthony laughed raucously.

Colin gestured something inappropriate with his hand and moaned. “Leave me be! Let me die in peace.”

“Trees do not kill people.”

“Can embarrassment?” Colin wondered aloud.

Anthony sat next to him on the ground. “I take it the seduction did not go as planned?”

“I found the perfect woman. She was beautiful, not too amiable, and available for an assignation.”

“What was the problem? Lacked the courage, eh, Wilde?”

“We were interrupted by Van Burge. It seems Lady Montgomery has gotten herself a fiancé.”

Anthony burst out laughing. “But of course she did. They announced it just last night. Where the devil were you?”

Colin hit Anthony in the leg and cursed. “You know blasted well where I was last night! The same place you told me you used to frequent. The women had more facial hair than the men, and don’t think for one second that I did not see money exchanged between you and that bearded barmaid.”

Anthony shrugged. “I have no idea what you mean. Are you foxed?”

“No,” Colin ground out. “But I am going to go home.”

“The night is young! Rakes do not quit when things get difficult; they press on! There are plenty of women. Persevere, my friend!”

“I want my bed! I do not want more whiskey. I despise the smell of most women’s perfumes, and by my soul, if you tell me to go to another gambling hell I will strike you!”

“But you are a rake!”

“I am not a rake!” Colin all but yelled.

Anthony muttered something under his breath that sounded a lot like finally before he pushed to his feet and offered Colin his hand. “Tea, my friend. Go home and drink some tea.”