Taming His Montana Heart(20)
“I never said—”
“I’m talking about Carol and me. We decided the man couldn’t possibly be as stable and decent as you need. I’m not sure any boss could fulfill that role.”
That, in part, was why she’d left Oregon. Mick had done everything he could to protect her, but she was no longer the teen who couldn’t sleep without the lights on. Even though she hadn’t completely freed herself from her nightmares, she was doing a lot better.
“You haven’t met him so how can you—oh, never mind. Have Carol call after she gets home. I’d love to hear about her class.”
“We will. Take care, sis. I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said and hung up.
Her shoulders aching, she got up intending to close the blinds to keep as much cold as possible out, but like the other nights since she’d come here, she wound up standing with her nose inches from the glass. She couldn’t see anything not that it mattered because she’d memorized her surroundings. Maybe she should be concerned that by morning there could be so much snow she wouldn’t be able to get to work, but there wasn’t anything she could do about that.
What was Shaw doing? Had he eaten in the restaurant or had he gone home and what did his apartment look like? Could he hear what was going on below him? Maybe he was so busy doing what she suspected was never-ending paperwork that the voices didn’t register.
Maybe he felt as isolated as she did.
She frowned. For the first time since she’d moved in, she didn’t have the TV on. Instead of silence allowing the past to intrude, she was enjoying the wind’s hiss and groan as it pushed against her trailer.
Echo, Kolina, and Alisha touted the benefits of living at or near a mountain resort. The women might pull back if they knew she’d initially seen Lake Serene as nothing more than a place where she could earn a living.
Tonight, however, she felt some of what she believed they did. Tonight the storm isolated and insulated her, talked to her. Nature was everything and everywhere. She wasn’t afraid of it. Quite the opposite, she embraced what she had no control over. Nature would decide what she accomplished tomorrow. The storm would permeate her nostrils and dictate what she could see. It might cut off the electricity and force her to burrow under a pile of blankets.
If she told Shaw what she was thinking, would Shaw understand? Maybe he’d look at her as if she’d lost her mind.
She reared back followed by again coming close to the window. “I’m pretty sure you aren’t out there,” she whispered, “but I’m going to talk to you anyway. Actually I want to ask you some questions. First, do you ever get uneasy on a night like this?”
She again paused followed by raking her fingers through her hair. “Of course you don’t. You probably don’t know the meaning of the word fear.”
Silence.
“I’m getting deep, but do you dream? Do you know the meaning of the word nightmare?”
Angry for letting her thinking take that turn, she planted both hands against the glass. Cold traveled through them and chilled her forearms. Despite that, she stayed where she was.
“I used to get them every night. I was stuck in one place and didn’t know how to move on. All that blood—desperate for it to go away, certain it never would because I deserved—you deal with blood all the time. It’s part of your life.” She briefly closed her eyes. “But it’s different for humans. I envy your acceptance of your role in what it takes to keep nature in balance. It doesn’t get any more complex than that for you, does it, no emotions involved, no tears.”
“They made me see a psychiatrist after it happened. The psychiatrist—he had small, pale hands and a grey mustache—tried a lot of things to get me to talk. When I couldn’t, he told me I was stuck. Stuck? What’s that supposed to mean?”
Familiar emotions threatened to take her into the past. She fought them.
“Are you and your mate, if you have one, out there? If the two of you are looking for an easier place to spend the winter, I understand.”
She started to lower her arms only to reach higher on the glass. A frozen winter night was all around her. She was becoming part of it. Maybe that was what it meant to belong to something.
“That’s how it is for you, isn’t it?” she continued. “Belonging. It’s different for people. At least it is for those like me who can’t get completely free of one damn moment in their lives. We have no business subjecting anyone to our screwed up psyches. It’s better to remain alone.”
Chapter Seven
Haley was wearing the same all-weather coat she’d had on yesterday evening. The hood was against her back which gave him a clear view of her face and windblown hair. Her not using the hood hadn’t been done with him in mind but that didn’t stop him from giving into a little unexpected fantasy. She’d wanted him to see her reddened cheeks and bright eyes, to notice her soft mouth. She’d part her lips in invitation and he’d covered hers with his, take her into his arms, press his body against hers, feel her do the same thing.
The teenager in his vehicle’s passenger’s seat whistled. “That’s a lot of snowmobiles,” Daron said.
Reality jolted him, and he shoved the stupid fantasy back where it belonged. “Only ten,” he made himself say. The double doors to the storage shed were open. Even though it wasn’t yet eight in the morning, Haley had brought a couple of them outside most likely in preparation for today’s riders.