Taking Charge (Lone Star Burn #4)(5)

If only my brother had come to me earlier before things had become so bad I couldn’t fix them alone.

If only I could stop thinking about a man who has most certainly forgotten about me. An image of David Harmon came back with painful vividness. Attending her friend Sarah’s wedding had brought Lucy face-to-face with another regret. It was impossible not to think of David without wishing life were different. Tall, blond, and rugged, with eyes so blue it was near impossible to look into them and remember what one was saying. If only we’d met before my whole life fell apart.

I shouldn’t be thinking about David like that while I’m engaged to another man.

Lucy rubbed her hands over her tired eyes. Problem is, I shouldn’t be engaged.

Her cell phone rang. Speak of the devil. It was Ted York. Lucy placed her phone back in her jeans pocket. Her neighbor was in his late twenties and attractive enough—a good, church-going man who hadn’t pressured Lucy for sex even though they’d been engaged for nearly six months.

But I don’t love him. I tried to.

Ted had proposed when Lucy’s brother had left, and Lucy had clung to his support. She’d hit rock bottom, and saying yes had felt like the only way she’d survive. She’d been honest with him about not loving him, but he said he cared for her enough that they could make it work. She’d wanted to please him and had almost convinced herself she did love him—until she saw David again at the wedding.

I’ve made so many mistakes. So many stupid, stupid mistakes.

I could have refused his help. I could have found a way to make the ranch profitable on my own.

What do I know about ranching?

Mom, if you’d known how it would all turn out, would you still have asked me to promise to hold on to this place? I’m the last person anyone should ask to save anything. I’ve done a bang-up job of making a mess of things.

Lucy wiped away one lone tear and laughed sadly. Poor Ted. I need to tell him the truth. What do you say when you realize you don’t love a man even though he stepped in when everyone else left? Ted’s help had gone beyond the loan to ensure the ranch’s survival. He’d sent his own men to handle everything for her. In the past six months, she hadn’t needed to be involved at all in the day-to-day running of the ranch. Ted had said he would take care of everything, and he had. Can’t hate a man like that. Lucy blinked back more tears. Why can’t I love him?

Lucy remembered the many times her parents had warned her that her dreams got in the way of seeing what was important in life. If her mother had been alive to ask, Lucy knew exactly what she’d say about Lucy’s engagement to Ted. It was the right thing to do.

She could hear her mother’s voice in her head: “Life is full of tempting, bad choices. You steer clear of those. You hear me, Lucy?”

Tempting, bad choices.

Like foolishly wanting a man she’d only met a handful of times. Letting David into her dreams at night made her feel worse instead of better. Memories of him tortured her, mocking her each time she tried to tell herself she could be happy with Ted.

Yes, David was handsome, but her mother had always said physical attraction was like a rainbow—beautiful but fleeting, and not something a person builds a life around.

Ted says he loves me. Shouldn’t that mean something to me?

Declarations like that aren’t supposed to make a person sad, are they? Lucy was filled with shame and regret each time he spoke of their future together. I should have said no when he asked me to marry him. I’m not a person who takes the easy way out.

At least, I never used to be.

Lucy clenched her hands and looked around the room. In her head, she directed her words at the only thing she had left—the house. I promised I’d do whatever I needed to hold on to you, and I will, but I won’t do it the way my mother would have approved of. I’ll do it my way.

And alone.

It’s time I stopped thinking about what I don’t have and take control of what I do. It’s not too late. Thank you, Sarah, for waking me up to that.

She spoke with Sarah frequently. Never about David. Sometimes about Steven.

Often about Ted, but it was impossible not to feel desperate and trapped when talking to the oh-so-happy Sarah. The last time they’d spoken, Lucy had blurted that out—along with the rest of what she’d been holding in. She had finally shared with Sarah how she felt about Ted, how when he’d first stepped forward to help her, Lucy had told him she couldn’t love anyone. She had admitted that Ted had said he loved her enough for both of them.

And I said yes, even though I knew it was the wrong choice.

A tempting, bad choice I regret.

“You can’t marry a man you don’t love,” Sarah had exclaimed.

Lucy had answered, “I don’t know what to do. After all he’s done for me, the public embarrassment alone would be enough to make him hate me.” And I don’t need another reason to feel worse about myself.

“He’ll get over it. Trust me, a man would rather be a little embarrassed than find himself married to a woman who doesn’t love him.”

Lucy had smiled. “You’ve got a lot to learn about Texan men, even though you’re married to one. I swear the reason most of them settled here was they were too proud to turn their wagons around and go home.”

Her joke hadn’t lessened any of the tension in the conversation. “You have to tell him, Lucy.”