Taking Chances (Taking Chances #1)(52)

Brandon - 'You scared me Harper, Bree thought something bad had happened. I caught an earlier flight, I just boarded. I love you so much, I'll be back to take care of you soon.'

I wasn't ready for my time with Chase to be over and I had no idea what I was going to do about the two men that had my heart. Pulling the covers over my head, I resisted the urge to cry. There was no right way to go about this, and no matter what I did, I would hurt someone and lose a part of myself. Chase didn't say anything for a while after he came back with an omelet and bacon, we just sat there eating. Well, he ate. I'd had the same piece of bacon in my hand since he got back in bed.

“Baby, please say something.” He pleaded as he rubbed soothing circles into my back.

“Brandon will be back in a couple hours.” I finally spoke.

He hissed a curse through his teeth and sagged into the headboard with a thud. “I thought he wouldn't be back ‘til tomorrow night.”

“He got scared when I didn't answer the phone. Bree told him I was sick and alone, and since no one could get a hold of me…”

“Bree called me a few times, begging me to come check on you. Looks like they're all heading home today too.”

“Chase, what should I do?” I began to search his face for answers, but he looked so pained I had to stare at my hands instead.

“I can't answer that for you Princess. No one can.” After a few minutes of intense silence he continued hesitantly, “Who do you want?”

“I don't know!” I blurted out quickly, “I want you Chase, but I can't hurt him. I won’t hurt him anymore than I have. I love him too much.”

He flinched away like I'd slapped him.

“No matter who I choose, people will get hurt. And then what happens if I leave him? He lives in your house Chase. He'll have to see us together, it will kill him, I can't do that to him! He loves me, he hopped the first flight he could because he was scared for me and wants to come back to take care of me. How am I supposed to tell him I'm in love with someone else after that?” I took three deep breaths in and out in an attempt to calm my shaking, “If I left him for you, it would be bad for us. He'd come after you, the guys in the house would take sides. We would be miserable. My body craves you Chase, but I feel like I'm being torn in two. I just – I need a few weeks to think about this. Can you please give me that?”

His jaw was clenched so tightly I thought it might break, “Are you going to ask him to give you time too?”

“No, I can't.”

Chase's eyes turned to ice and his mouth popped open, “So you're just going to go back to him? Pretend like last night never happened? You're so worried about hurting everyone else, do you even realize you'll be hurting me?” He shot up off the bed and started pacing back and forth, “Damn it Harper, don't you see that? I'm the one that will have to watch you with your boyfriend while waiting for you to figure out what you want!”

I flinched when the bedroom door slammed shut behind him. He was right, and I didn't want to hurt him either, but I didn't know what else to do at the moment. I was more in love with Chase than I'd realized, but I couldn't live without Brandon. If I thought I'd hated myself for kissing Chase, I now felt like I was dying thinking about how I'd just betrayed the man I love more than my own life. Even if I thought it was too soon, I'd overheard him talking to his mom telling her he thought I was “the one”, and I couldn't help but smile at thoughts of our future together. I briefly considered a future with Chase, it didn't go far. There's no way Chase felt the same way I did for him. I'm not saying he doesn't love me, but it can't mean the same as it does for me. If I were to choose him, would he go back to being hot and cold once I did, and would he want to be with me for any length of time? As much as I wanted to believe everything he said to me last night, deep down I was terrified he'd up and leave me like he has every other girl. Brandon wouldn't do that, and he's never once treated me badly. His nearly shaved head, chiseled face and tall beefy body may make him appear dangerous, but that boy adored me and would do anything for me. My mind was made up, Brandon is who I would choose when this day ended, in my heart I knew he was who I couldn't live without. But after what happened last night, I'm afraid I'll never be able to give him my entire heart like he deserves.

The hot steam of the shower couldn't even soothe me. I knew I could live without him, but my heart was still breaking just thinking about a life without Chase. I choked on a sob and soon my tears blended in with the water pouring on me. I pressed my hands to the wall of the shower to keep myself standing and cried harder than I ever have. Chase's hands turned me around and clutched me to him as my body shook with sobs. When I opened my eyes I realized he still had his jeans on and was completely soaked. I looked up to his face and memorized his hard jaw, full lips, perfect nose, bright blue eyes and shaggy wet hair. Even in pain, he was incredibly handsome.

“Why are you in here?”

“Because you need me,” His voice was hoarse, “and if this is my last hour with you, I'm not going to waste another second of it.”

He touched his lips to mine, and I met his kiss greedily. It was difficult, but we somehow managed to get his jeans off before he pressed me into the wall and positioned himself with my legs wrapped around him. I knew I was breaking my heart more, and adding more hurt to my relationship with Brandon, but I needed this last time with Chase. He slowly made love to me as the hot water continued to pour over us, and though I was no longer sobbing, a steady stream of tears ran down my face the entire time. He knew this was our last time to be together too, and the mixture of love, passion, pain and sadness made for the most beautiful experience of my life. Neither of us spoke after as we helped each other wash our hair and bodies, or when we dried off and dressed, but our eyes never once left each other’s. They said everything for us in that last hour. He drove me to his house so I could pick up Brandon's Jeep, and we sat there for another twenty minutes just holding hands, his thumb making circles against my palm. I glanced down at the clock and pulled the keys out my purse with a sigh. I grabbed the door handle but his voice stopped me.