Take the Key and Lock Her Up (Embassy Row #3)(47)

No.

I’m the reason why she’s here.

I remember this, and just that quickly my breath goes away. I fall to my knees. The grass is damp with a heavy morning dew that seeps through my old jeans. Suddenly, I’m not on a hilltop in Adria; I’m on a dark street in the US, looking through a window, about to make the biggest mistake of my life.

“Grace, no!” my mother yells, and I close my eyes, refusing to see the scene that fills my mind.

My breath comes too hard. It’s like my lungs don’t work, and my body wants to draw in on itself. I’m aware only of the damp ground and the cold headstone and the utter emptiness that is left when all your hope is gone.

But hope’s not gone. Not really. Jamie is alive. And I have the power to make sure he stays that way.

Slowly, breath fills my lungs. My heart slows. And the sun climbs higher, turning the city into gold.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” I say to that piece of stone. “I’m sorry I haven’t come before now. I guess it never felt like you were really here. And you aren’t, are you? It’s not over yet, but it could be. They say it will be—that this will end it. They’re probably lying. They’re probably going to kill me, too. But …” My voice cracks. My vision blurs.

“But maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Then I’d be with you.”

I don’t cry. Crying is tears and grief coming out of you in equal measure. I’m too far gone for that. For me, grief is almost all that’s left, and it pours out of me, the anguished screams of someone who has finally hit rock bottom.

I don’t know how long I stay crumbled before my mother’s grave. She’s not there, but that doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters anymore.

“I’m doing it for Jamie,” I say after a while. “And for you. And for Amelia, too, I guess. Someone has to do it. And I have to pay for what I’ve done. Dad and Grandpa would never let me go to jail, but I have to pay. I deserve to pay, so … I’m going to the palace instead. I’m going to be a princess. At least that’s what they tell me.”

It’s almost time now. I can feel it in my bones. So I put my hand on the cold stone and push myself upright. My eyes are no doubt puffy, my face red. There’s no hiding that something’s wrong. Or, more like, nothing’s right.

Embassy Row is waking up when I reach the city’s wall. There are more guards on the street, some locals heading into work. Part of me half expects to see Jamie coming around the corner, sweaty and breathing hard after running ten miles around the city. Then I have to remind myself that my brother is running. And I’ve just made a deal with the devil so that he can stop.

“Gracie!” Alexei isn’t chasing after me. He’s standing, staring. And I have to will myself not to turn around and run away. I have to remind myself that he’d run faster.

“What’s wrong?” he asks as soon as he can see my eyes. They’re still puffy and red, I’m sure. And I realize that Alexei probably hasn’t seen me cry that often. For too long I was out of tears.

“Gracie, what has happened?”

“I went for a walk,” I say. I want to push past him, head for the US and our walls, but Alexei is so big and strong. He has too much gravity, and right now I’m too weak to pull away.

“Gracie, what did you do?”

He’s not talking about three years ago. If he hasn’t learned the truth already, he surely doesn’t want to hear it now. Maybe he sees it on my face. Or maybe he just knows me too well. But Alexei isn’t fooled for one single second.

“What happened yesterday? What happened on the wall?” he asks.

“The princess and the Society had a proposal. It’s the best for everyone, so I took it.” I force a smile. “It’s over, Alexei. Now everything can go back to normal.”

“What kind of normal?” He prowls toward me. I’m afraid that he might pounce.

“They’re going to stop chasing Jamie. They’re going to stop chasing me. It will be okay. I swear. It will be over.”

“Gracie—” He reaches for me, and I try to dodge, but he’s too fast. Or maybe I’ve been running for too long. He’s the only person I want to catch me.

Alexei’s hands are warm, his fingers gentle as they brush my hair out of my eyes and tip my head back to look up at him. He places a gentle kiss on the top of my head, then holds me close.

I can feel as much as hear him say, “Tell me, Gracie. Please.”

There’s a choice now. I’m like the sand on the beach, and I can either slip through Alexei’s fingers or turn to glass. Either way, I know I’ll never feel like this again, so I close my eyes and breathe him in. And then what I have to do hits me. Like lightning. I’m practically brittle as I pull away.

“I’m going to move into the palace.”

It’s like Alexei hasn’t heard me, like someone put this moment on pause. But then my words sink in.

“No,” he says. “You’re not.”

I shrug and try to laugh. “It’s the palace, Alexei. Why wouldn’t I want to live there?”

“What did they say to you yesterday?”

“It was like Ms. Chancellor said. They had a plan, and it’s a good one. I’m going to do it.”