Take the Fall(76)

Air floods into my lungs for what feels like the first time. “Thank you, ma’am, thank you so much.” She gives my hand a firm shake before pointing me toward the door.

“Oh, and Sonia?” she calls just as I touch the handle. “I am so very sorry, about what happened to Ms. Meyer, and for everything you’ve been through.”

The sun is just peeking out from the clouds when I exit College Hall, heading across Spruce Street toward the Quad where I told my mother I’d meet her. The temperature is mild and there’s an air of spring fever exuding from everyone I pass. Or maybe it’s radiating off me. When we arrived I was so nervous I couldn’t do much more than locate the correct building for my meeting. Now I see the open spaces covered with students lounging and studying on the lawns, and my heart fills with a new sort of resolve. I am going to graduate; I’ll be here in the fall. Not in spite of Gretchen, but maybe somehow . . . in memory of her.

A Frisbee sails toward me, tumbling in the grass and coming to rest at my feet. I pick it up, tossing it back to a couple of shirtless guys who wave at me, grinning. A group of girls pass by me discussing finals and I imagine myself joining them in the fall, walking back to my residence hall with a stack of books and assignments. I’ll chat with my roommate about what to have for dinner, maybe even venture out at night to a real college party. I stop to inhale the scents of the campus, letting the blossoming trees and flowers overpower my senses. I gaze up at the historic Tudor Gothic buildings and I feel lighter, safer here than I have at home for the past month.

I twinge with guilt when I finally spot my mother resting on a bench outside the Quad. The fall semester is only a few months away, but I wish I could start now. I’ve never felt so close to this place. I don’t want to leave it to go back home.

When she sees me, my mom sits up, looking anxious. “How did it go?”

“Good, actually. . . . I guess I’m back on track.”

Her shoulders relax. “I knew you’d get it straightened out.” She picks up her purse and phone and my daydream fades.

“I’m sorry again, Mom.”

We didn’t talk much this morning on the drive down in Noah’s car. I tried to focus on driving while she shuffled through every radio station she could find. But the worst part about the last twenty-four hours was listening to her pacing up and down the hall all night, and the effort it clearly took her to smile at customers this morning before we left.

“You know, I thought I’d hate the idea of leaving you in this place. Now I’m not sure I want to bring you home again.”

I look up, surprised. “I had the same thought.”

She gives me a strained smile. “I don’t know how you can act so calm when someone’s out there just . . .”

Her voice trails off and I curl my fingers so she won’t notice the chewed nubs of my nails. “Any news on things at home?”

“Dina only had a second to talk when I checked in, but I guess it was Shelly’s day off so she came in to give them a hand. They’re not very busy.”

I relax a little. Shelly did a stint of waitressing at the diner in high school and she was good. She and Dina always competed to see who could make more tips.

“What about Noah?”

She sighs. “Elena had him in the doctor’s office first thing this morning, but so far they’re just telling him to take it easy.”

“Well, let’s hurry up and get home.” I start in the direction of the car, but she hangs back.

When I turn, she inclines her head toward the intricate brick buildings. “We’re already here, don’t you want to look around?”

I blink, not sure I heard right. “I . . . but what about the diner?”

“We’re not going to make it back in traffic before the evening rush. And Shelly’s there. Dina and I agreed you should have a chance to get familiar. You’ll be living here before you know it.”

I manage a nod. I want to say something, but her words are so unexpected, when I start thinking about it, my throat feels like it’s closing up.

“This place is huge. I don’t know how you’re going to find your way around.” She takes my hand and squeezes as we start walking. “Actually, I know you’ll figure it out.”





THIRTY-FIVE


THE BELL RINGS AT THE end of sixth period and I’m out of my desk so fast, I make it halfway down the hall before it gets crowded enough I have to slow down. I wave to Deputy Brennan on my way toward the library. This is something I’ve always done when I’ve seen him, something I’ve continued to do all day. But ever since Marcus texted me last night, it’s just felt like drawing the deputy’s attention. My phone buzzes in my pocket as I reach the top of the stairs.

In the far lot. Parked by the art room.

I type a quick reply. Two minutes.

The deputy is supposed to check in with me between every class, but I missed him completely after calculus and we barely waved at each other just now. Maybe he’s more concerned about following Kirsten—her dad has every cop in town on edge. I pause above the stairs outside the library. There’s no sign of the deputy now, but my heart pounds as I make for the exit. I cross my fingers he’s not taking a break in the parking lot.

I look at the clock on my phone before pushing through the doors. The only thing I have after study hall is phys ed. I told my mom Aisha would give me a ride home, though I didn’t mention it to Aisha. Marcus and I should make it to Jamesville and back in plenty of time.