Take Me With You(73)

A thing of it. Mom is my burden to carry. Scoot does everything he can not to be bothered by us. Just like the rest of the family. The only difference is he has no choice but to at least call once a week.

“Yeah,” I answer.

Scoot glances down at his watch. “Shit, I'm already running late. I'll call later this week.” He slaps me on the shoulder. “I'm happy for you, man. You look—you sound— good.”

I give him a reassuring nod and watch him jog off.

Now that mom's gone to bed, my heart vibrates with anticipation. I have to be patient, make sure she's deep asleep. But this ritual, it makes me feel a type of thrill I have never known before.

I hop into the shower, a productive way to pass the time. Just as I am wrapping a towel around my wet body, I hear the house phone ring.

“Shit!” I hiss. It's unlikely she'll wake up. But a late night phone call will send mom into a frenzy of paranoia if I don't grab it. And who the fuck is calling at this time? No one calls this house, especially after eight.

I race to the phone. I hate the fucking phone. It reduces me to my greatest weakness.

“Hello?” I answer.

“Sam, it's me,” Scoot replies.

“Oh, ss-something wrong?” I ask.

“No, I mean nothing serious. You have any plans tonight?”

He's expecting me to say no. He knows how things are. And that's true as far as plans I can express openly.

“Mom's asleep.”

“Good. Listen, that girl I was meeting today when I bumped into you — I want to go out with her tonight. But she made plans with a friend who doesn't want to be the third wheel. Will you do me a favor and come out tonight?”

A date. It's something I've craved. To know what it's like for guys like my brother. It's what I imagine as I watch people, inserting myself into the Sears catalogue snapshots of their lives. But now that it's here, presented to me, I don't know what to do with this. I'm so much better in my thoughts than I am in person. In my thoughts, words flow effortlessly. My curious scars vanish from my face. The nagging feeling that I'm being silently ridiculed withers away.

“Come on, Sam. You are finally getting out there. You're going to school. You can't always do what mom wants. Don't let her control you.”

Control. My chest tightens at the word. It's only been within the past few years that I've begun to realize that what I've seen as caring for mom and her protecting me—maybe it's been a way to keep me here, surrounded by nothing but trees and animals. Safety is a prison.

“Uh…okay,” I say.

“Sweet. She actually lives closer to you than Sacramento. I'll come get you.”

“Okay. Pull up to the…d-driveway. I'll meet you out there.”





It's hard not to fidget as we pull up to Cindy's house. That's the name of his friend. Almost as soon as he puts the car in park, the front door opens and two girls come prancing out, their long hair swishing side to side as they take bouncy steps towards us. It's hard to make out their features in the night, but I see shapes. Curves and slopes. Nothing hard or sharp. Lithe limbs punctuated by round edges. Their nonsensical chatter gets louder as they near the car.

“Hey guys!” one of the girls says as she opens the back door.

“Hey Cindy,” Scoot says playfully. She's got flaxen hair. Long and wispy, so that it looks like a halo when the light shines through it.

The other girl slides in behind her and slams the door shut.

“Hi,” she says in a less familiar tone.

“This is my cousin, Phoebe,” Cindy adds.

The confines of Scoot's car are tight and I wonder if it's too much to spin around completely to get a look.

“Hi, I'm Andrew, but everyone calls me Scooter. This is my brother, Sam.”

“Sam doesn't get a fun nickname?” Cindy asks playfully.

“I guess my dad never gave him one…” Scoot thinks aloud.

I take this as my cue to turn around. And when I see Phoebe, it's like a bucket of ice water is splashed on me. It's been almost a year, but I would never forget the face of the first girl I watched. The thin girl with the tiny tits. Except this year, she's filled out a little more, her body sprouting breasts I can see through the low neckline of her top.

I think she sees the look on my face, or maybe they all do. Or maybe they’re all staring because I'm supposed to say something but I don't. It's your turn Sam, say something. They are all waiting. But the shock of my worlds colliding makes my throat tense in a way I haven't felt since the last time I saw my dad. So, all I do is give a friendly nod.

Fuck. I already blew it.

“Well, I hope you guys want to party,” Cindy says, waving a little baggy in the air.

There's not much to do in these parts at night. I assumed we'd go back down to the city, but instead, Scoot turns up the radio and we drive back towards our place.

As I'm still trying to figure out if Phoebe will recognize me when she gets a better look, Cindy asks where we're going.

“My family has property out here. There's a pond and we can party without worrying about police or anything. I'm trying to be a cop one day, I can't get in any trouble.”