Take Me With You(116)

I look over at Vesper, sitting on a chair on the back patio. She looks troubled for a moment, and I get it. She's a sweet thing. That's what I saw in her that day. She was the embodiment of I had always dreamed of: a person--a spirit--kind enough for both of us. I'll help her reconcile it all in time.

I wave at her and it breaks her distant stare. She gives me a smile that lets me know her mind is in a million places, but she's here, and that's all that matters.

I said I would do it. Piece by piece. Break her down, and build her up again. Until she was rid of all the things holding her back from me. I never lost sight of that, even when things looked dire.

I'm not a killer. Not really. Not unless I have to.

But if there was anything I knew would finally push her to make a choice, the hard choice, to commit instead of wavering, it was that.

I didn't have her at the ranch. I didn't have her until I let her go. Until I bloomed into the monster that she felt only she could save.

I meant what I said. You're all safe now. You can thank Vesper for that.





“Look at him out there, playing with Johnny,” mom says, glancing out of her kitchen window. It's not the house we used to live in. She decided to sell it. Too many bad memories.

“Yeah, he's so good with him,” I add wistfully. It always tugs on my heart in a painful way, in the way something can be both beautiful and sad, watching Sam with my little brother.

I look back at my mother and she's looking at me with a smile—you know—that smile. The one where they want you to see they are happy to watch you in the moment.

“What?” I ask sheepishly.

“Oh, it's just, I'm happy for you is all.” She folds her arms and takes a breath. “Listen, I know I haven't been the greatest—”

“Mom, don't.”

“Let me finish, Vesp.” She places a hand on my forearm as my arms cross my chest. “I know I haven't been the greatest mother, but I have always wanted the best for you. I just wanted you to be happy. When you left like that—I worried so much about you. That I had lost you forever. But I understood you needed to get away from that house, and even Carter. Hell, probably mostly me. I'm just so glad you're feeling better. And I am happy that you found a nice guy like Sam.”

“Thanks mom. He likes you, too.”

I couldn't stay away from home forever. I love my brother, and even though my mother has decided to keep him at the home, he still needs his family. Sam understood that, and he was in total agreement.

So after a few months in L.A., I came back. Told my family I met a guy. Not just any guy, a Hunter and a Ridgefield. Someone with a great family and money. Someone who adores me. Someone who would never let me go. Carter moved on like I knew he would. And now he wouldn't have to feel guilty because I found someone, too.

I spruced up the little house in L.A. so that now it's a home. We thought giving Andrew his space was the right thing, even if we could force our way back to Sacramento. So we take the long drive up as much as we can to visit Johnny.

Johnny makes a heaving sound, his version of laughter as he races into the house. I only hear it when he plays with Sam. Sam catches up to him, scoops him up and he gurgles with laughter. A flash of the first time he held Johnny comes to mind. But he's different now. And even then, it was just an idle threat.

“Alright guys, it's time to sit down for dinner. Where's your stepfather?” Mom asks as she wanders off to find him.

Sam sets down Johnny, who comes over to me and embraces my thigh. I rub his head. “Go wash your hands,” I tell him. He shakes his head no.

“Now, my sweet boy,” I order.

He huffs and leaves for the bathroom and it's just Sam and me.

“You're beautiful,” Sam mouths to me.

I smile. So much of what he used to be already feels like a distant memory. But it’s always there. In the back of my mind, it lingers.

As if he can feel the thoughts stealing my joy, he leans in and kisses me. His lips, they replace the doubt. They graze my cheek and then my ear as he leans in and whispers. “You make me so hard. Always. I never stop thinking about you. Even when you're just out of sight. I wonder about you, always.”

That's his danger. That's his appeal. It's always just beneath the surface, the hunger he has for me. The pretty devil with the clear eyes.

“Alright!” My mother announces as the family comes into the kitchen and we pull away, looking like two lovers having a sweet, secret conversation. “Let's eat!” Sam puts on the most innocent of smiles. I know now how he was able to go undetected for so long. How he can summon darkness so strong, there aren't even shadows, and suddenly turn bright and sunny. How he can go from bafflingly complex, to sweetly simple.

We sit down for a meal. My mom's on a new religious kick. It'll pass, it always does. But she prompts us all to bow for prayer. I comply but shortly after she begins, I open my eyes. Amongst the bowed heads and closed eyelids at the table, there's Sam with his hooded gaze, and those glowing eyes, fixed on me.





I watch Vesp, sprawled on the bed, a sheet perfectly draping over her breasts and buttocks, her long hair fanning across the pillow. Then I look outside the window I'm leaning against. It's late into the night. The night still belongs to me. It will always be my home. But now, it's to watch her. Still. Perfect. Mine.