Take Me On (Pushing the Limits #4)(105)

“Are you mad at Kaden for staying?” I shuffle my feet against the loose concrete, anxious for the answer. Decisions shouldn’t be this agonizing and I envy that Kaden was able to easily make his. If I leave and return to the gym, I’m letting down my mom, my father and Maggie. If I stay, I’m letting myself down. I’m a fighter and I belong in that gym.

“No,” she says and stares out into the horizon. “Sad, yes, but not mad.”

Crap. Sort of the answer I desired, yet not. Then again, maybe I’m supposed to stay away from Kentucky. So many things went wrong there: Matt, Conner...West. I close my eyes with the ache.

“You okay, honey?”

I open my eyes to see Mom worrying at me like she did when I was sick as a child. “I miss West.”

She nudges me with her shoulder. “Broken hearts mend. You got through Matt—you’ll get through this.”

West hurts, but not in the way it hurt when I left Matt. Losing West causes my heart to break; my soul feels empty—hollow. With Matt, my bones ached, my body throbbed and my self-worth was burned to a crisp. If I had more time with West, if I had given my heart faster to him, would it have made a difference? Would he have chosen me?

I’ll never know. I permitted Matt’s memory to haunt me and the scary part is he’s still an unseen phantom stalking my every move, infesting my decisions. “Matt and I didn’t end well.”

I said this before...to John, but I couldn’t say more than that. My throat tightens and I pull at the collar of my shirt.

Mom angles her body and for the first time in over a year, I have her full, undivided attention. “What do you mean, didn’t end well?”

Say it, Haley. Say it. My mouth opens and consonants stick in my throat. The only sound that falls past my lips is a sick strangling click.

Mom pushes my hair over my shoulder. “Talk to me, Haley, but you have to breathe, too. Come on, honey.”

I do what she says and welcome each clean intake. Stupid me. Stupid, stupid me. Why can’t I say it? Why can’t I admit it? Through another breath of air, I rush out, “It was bad.”

“All right,” she says as if I admitted something huge and I guess it was huge, but it wasn’t the full truth. “All right. It’s okay.”

Mom kisses my temple, wraps both of her arms around me and pulls my head onto her shoulder. That’s when I realize I’m shaking. Not just me—the entire world. Then it blurs. “He hurt me.”

He hit me. I crave to say it. The words beg for freedom, but there’s a whisper of guilt—a whisper that I’m stupid and that if I say more, then the entire world will see my shame...that they will judge and crucify me.

I was stupid. I fell for the wrong guy. He hurt me and I paid. He hurt me and I broke. He hurt me and the rest of the world will forever condemn.

“It’s okay,” Mom says again as she rocks the two of us. “We’re going to be okay.”





West

Even though I talked to John on the phone and told him I’m still competing next Saturday and would appreciate his help, I’m apprehensive as I walk into the gym. He agreed to see me but didn’t agree to what I asked.

The moment the door shuts behind me, I drop my head. Damn. In the ring and in full gear, Kaden and Jax knock out a kick series.

John’s office sits dark and, if I’m manning up, forward is my only option. I broke the heart of a person they love. If I’m lucky, I’ll leave here with bones still intact.

I weave through the bags and call out to them, “Is John here?”

Their heads snap up in unison. The scratching of Velcro being undone breaks through the silence. Jax flies under the ropes and throws his headgear and gloves to the side. “Gotta death wish, Young?”

I show him the palm stop sign. “I’m here to talk to John. He knows I’m coming.”

With sweat pouring down his body, Jax mock glances around the gym. “Don’t see him.”

“Look, I made a mistake. I broke up with Haley because my dad said he’d pay for her college if I did.”

Jax advances on me like I said nothing. “I think you’re full of shit. I think now that Haley’s gone you want the benefit of this gym without having to respect the girl.”

“Where’s John?”

“Dunno. He told us to be here. Guess he wanted to give us an early Christmas present.”

Fuck. I’ve been set up. Jax widens his stance and I mirror the position and tighten my fist. Haley’s voice screams in my head to hold up my guard, but I don’t want to invite the hit. I’m not searching for a fight. “I’d get on my knees in front of Haley, tell her the truth and beg her to take me back if I could.”

Fire blazes out of his eyes. “Wrong choice of words.”

Jax swings and my guard goes up. I duck below the hit and sidestep out of the way. “I don’t want to fight you.”

“Too bad.”

He throws the cross and I block and meet the jab. Jax gains the low kick, but I quickly spin out of reach. “Fight!” Jax yells. “Are you a f*cking man or not?”

“I’m not fighting you. I’m not here to fight you.”

We begin the dance. He attacks, and I counter but keep my blows to the block. Jax goes for the cross again, but in a snap he’s at my knees and I’m down. Dammit. I roll to keep him from gaining position and jump to my feet, guard up, ready to go again.