Surrender (Careless Whispers #3)(41)

“I’ll look for a connection between the customer who gave it to Carlo and Niccolo, just in case he tries to play coy,” Matteo says.

“Do that,” Kayden says. “And I need a final word on Blake Walker and Chris Merit tonight.”

“You’ll have it,” Matteo assures him.

Kayden looks at Sasha. “Deal with Gallo until we’re ready for you.” His attention shifts to Nathan and Adriel. “You know what you have to do.” He then scans the room. “Any questions or input?” After several beats of silence, he says, “We’re done, then.”

Everyone stands, including me. Only, as they disappear out of the War Room, I close the space between myself and Kayden, him watching my every step, his expression unreadable, those pale blue eyes hooded. Ridiculously, in those final few steps as he turns to face me, butterflies attack my stomach, ridiculous when this man is my soul mate. My shelter in every storm I will ever face, and in all the ones I now relive.

He doesn’t reach for me, standing there, all power and masculinity, his gaze sharp, unreadable. “I’m going to be a few hours. Maybe longer.”

I want to ask where he’s going, aside from seeing Niccolo. I want to tell him to be careful. But this is one of those moments where I must ensure that one of the fears I voiced doesn’t become reality. That I don’t become a distraction, one that changes how he makes decisions, and places him and the others in danger.

“I’ll be here when you get back,” I say.

He doesn’t immediately respond, and the wall I placed between us is still there, still dividing us. “What you said to Carlo—”

“I meant every word.”

Again he is silent, studying me. “There are many things I want to say to you right now.” There is a low, rough quality to his voice. “But I can’t right now, before I—”

“I know, Hawk,” I say. “Go. Lead. Take care of business.”

“I’m leaving Matteo and Sasha here with you, and I have men on the exterior keeping watch. You know you’re safe here, right?”

I think of the hacker that out-hacked Matteo and wonder how true that really is, but that’s not what he needs to hear now. I have guns. I have suspicions. I have guards. So I say, “Yes, I do. I’ll be here when you get back.”

He hesitates a few beats, then turns and is gone. I stare after him, already wishing he were back.

Every answered question in my life seems to lead to another, but the ones I hate the most are the ones I created in Kayden and me and us. But I’m going to make them go away. Tonight.





ten




I have no idea how long I stand in the War Room replaying Kayden’s proposal, but it must be a while, because Sasha appears in the doorway, a concerned look on her face. “You okay?”

“I am,” I say, standing, having at some point sat back down at the table. “Just deep in thought. How are you?”

“You mean because of that little incident in the meeting?” She waves it off. “That was nothing. I won’t let it be anything, because Garner Neuville doesn’t get that kind of power. Besides, he’ll be dead soon.”

“He will be,” I agree, waiting for some guilt or distress to form, but all I feel is regret that I won’t be the one to kill him. “But every person who touches our lives leaves a mark. He’s left a mark on both of us. Even when he’s dead, that stays. You know that, right?”

“Not if I don’t let it.”

“You can deny it, Sasha, but eventually it demands notice.”

“Are you talking to me or you?”

“Both of us,” I say, accepting now that my mind is blocking everything that leads to Garner Neuville. “Obviously my mind thinks I can’t handle the truth, and it’s frustrating.”

She leans on the door frame, studying me for several long moments. “At least if he’s dead, the fear of knowing he’s on this earth is gone.”

“That’s true,” I say. “That’s some closure, and I admit I’m hungry to find that. I wanted to go to Paris and finish it myself. Kayden wasn’t happy with that idea.”

“If he was, I’d personally have to kick his ass, Hawk or no Hawk. You know what Neuville is like.”

“I thought returning to Paris might jog my memory and help me find the necklace.”

“It also could get you killed. But,” she pushes off the frame, her hands settling on her hips, “I do have an idea. I know Paris well. We could print out pictures of Neuville’s neighborhood, and any other area you remember. Maybe they will help.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“We can use Adriel’s office,” she says. “He has a printer.”

“Technically my office now,” I say, joining her and walking down the hallway. “I’m taking over the store now that he’s returning to hunting.”

“That’s a misuse of your talents, as it was his,” she says.

“Kayden isn’t exactly ready for me to dive into hunting, even after Neuville is gone.”

“Yes, well, he’s always believed Niccolo was behind Elizabeth’s and Kevin’s murders.”

“He’s all but admitted it.”