Surrender (Careless Whispers #3)(12)

Trying to shake off the sensation, I walk to the security panel by our door, punch in the code, and watch the door begin to rise, but the prickling doesn’t fade. Impatient to find out if it’s gone once I’m in the tower, I duck under the half-open door into the mini-foyer, punching the button there to shut myself inside. I watch the dungeon-style door begin lowering and glance up at the stairwell leading to the main living space, before turning my attention to the arched entryway to an office den. I wait for the prickling sensation, but it doesn’t follow me here, and I know without a doubt that someone had been watching me out there. Giada maybe, hiding in some corner and trying to figure out what was happening? But . . . it didn’t feel like her energy.

Walking forward, I enter the den, the motion detectors triggering the lights to a dull glow, while I flip on the fireplace in the corner, hanging my coat and purse on the rack to my left. Continuing onward into the room, I bypass the leather couches framed by bookshelves loaded with books I pray a calmer time will allow me to explore soon. Instead, I make a beeline to a massive mahogany desk, where I step between the two high-backed chairs sitting in front of it and press my hands to the shiny surface. “My past has nothing to do with that necklace,” I say out loud, my voice firm. But the way my mind is connecting past and present, and the sensation I had when I’d said the same to Niccolo, declares otherwise.

The sound of the entry door beginning to rise again has me turning and watching it lift. Kayden ducks under it as I had, obviously impatient to find out what I’ve remembered, his leather jacket and his shoulder holster missing, his navy T-shirt hugging his broad, hard chest. It is then that I am reminded of what made me request that we talk alone. It’s not something he wants to hear, but has to. I need him to listen. And I need to stay focused on my memories, and what they’re telling me—not what he makes me think and feel, or what the past tells him about Adriel.

He strides toward me, his energy predatory in this moment. Actually, there is always something rather predatory about him, which is far too sexy to ensure conversation, especially after today’s shift in events. I could be CIA. I could be his enemy, no matter what he says otherwise, and really, truly, right now, I just want to feel him close, to get lost with him in the way he makes me get lost. But there are things bigger than us at stake, things that are far too complicated and dangerous to indulge in such desires, even if they feel like needs.

Determined to stay focused, I round the desk, placing the massive wooden surface between us. By the time I’ve shoved back the desk chair, claimed the spot in front of it, and pressed my hands to the surface again, Kayden is doing the same opposite me.

His gaze meets mine, his probing, intelligent eyes those of a Hawk who sees the past clawing at me, while I fight to contain it and control it. “Why are you running from me?” he asks.

“I don’t run,” I say, and I can almost hear my father say, “Running makes you a victim. Never be a victim.”

“Then why are you over there while I’m over here, when we’d both much rather you be here or me there?”

“I’m giving us space to have the conversation I need to have with The Hawk—not with the man who loves me.”

The predatory gleam in those pale, too blue eyes of his softens, right along with his voice. “He’s the same person. I will always be The Hawk and the man who loves you.”

“And therein lies a problem. When you operate as The Hawk, you can’t be the man who loves me or you’ll make decisions you might not otherwise. And that could put you and other people at risk. I won’t be that person in your life.”

“You make me more cautious, sweetheart, and believe me, that’s not a bad thing.”

“You were always cautious. I’ve seen that in everything you do from the moment we met.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“Nothing’s wrong with caution,” I say, deciding to use the opportunity presented, “and that’s exactly what I’m going to ask you to have with Adriel.”

“You helped him return to hunting,” he reminds me, “and he’d die for you, Ella, just like he would for me.”

“He was the last person to see Niccolo’s men alive. And while I can’t fathom how I’d actually have brought that necklace with me and given it to Niccolo, maybe I had a plan to get it back. Or maybe I knew it was a decoy. Maybe I had it on me and Niccolo’s men took it.”

Kayden straightens, his expression incredulous, his hands settling on his hips. “You actually think Adriel took it from them? He didn’t know you were involved in this, any more than I did.”

“You don’t think he did,” I say. “Or maybe he didn’t and he still doesn’t, but he would have searched those men. If they had it, he would have found it.”

“And brought it to me.”

“You can’t be sure,” I say. “You can’t know he didn’t sell you out. You cut him out of hunting, Kayden. He resented that.”

“Adriel always had the power to come back, and he knew it,” Kayden replies. “He didn’t resent me. He resented Giada for forcing him to make the decision to get out of the hunting game. Adriel is loyal, Ella. He would die for either one of us.”

“I want to trust him, Kayden.”

“Do you trust me?”