Strike at Midnight(76)

When I had fled from the fountain, it was then that I knew that I had fallen in love with him. Madly, deeply, and so stupidly that I wanted to argue that it wasn’t real, that it was just lust. But I knew it wasn’t.

Every excuse I had tried to come up with during the carriage ride home had fallen short of the feelings that had taken hold inside of me. And I could no longer deny that the man had pulled on something inside of me from our first introduction.

I loved him, for what my love was worth, and I truly wished I could be enough for him. But I couldn’t shake the voice in my head that had told me over and over that I wasn’t good enough. That he was worthy of better.

He needed someone of gentle virtue who didn’t have a shady past. He needed someone to know how to be a princess and one who wouldn’t embarrass him when she didn’t know what fork to use. He needed a woman who could give him a peaceful existence and follow his lead when it came to royal matters, not one who lectured him for not using his power in the right way. And certainly not one who may have a bounty on her head for the murder of a man.

He needed anyone else but me.

Visions of my old life had become frequent and vivid since that night, and they had clashed with the words of Melody, who had continued to tell me that I was letting my stepmother win by thinking I wasn’t worthy. She had also lost her temper on one occasion and told me that if I thought I could undermine the prince and speak for him that way, then maybe I wasn’t enough for him after all.

She had apologized after, but I’d been forced to admit that she had been right about that part at least. He did have a right to his own opinion. But would he still feel the same way about me when he knew of my past? When he knew that I could potentially be facing a murder charge somewhere in a faraway place? It wasn’t fair to pile all that on his lap, and I still couldn’t get over that.

I had never thought about much of a future from the moment I had escaped that bitch’s clutches. As long as I was safe, fed, and able to defend myself, that was all I cared about. Defenses had built up around me when I became strong on the outside, and all I wanted to do was live life day by day. I hadn’t even thought along the lines of marriage, let alone a marriage to a prince. That was so far out of my comfort zone that I couldn’t even visualize it.

Being a hunter gave me what I needed for now, and part of me didn’t care what the future held. As long as my dear stepmother wasn’t the one controlling the reins anymore, that’s all I needed.

If I closed my eyes and let the pain come to the surface, there were moments when I swore I could hear her laughter, a laughter that was filled with disgust and hatred, and one that had brought fear to my heart. She had used it often, especially when setting her human guard dog on me.

If I had just fled my home without attacking him that night, would I have been able to get over this renegade-hunter-marrying-a-prince crap? Would I have been able to overlook the things I had done to survive, to become a princess?

I didn’t know, and it wouldn’t have mattered even if I did because I had attacked him that night. I had felt the warmth of his blood on my hands, and I’d heard his screams of fear and panic as I fled the cellar. Had someone come down to save him after I had gone? Had they heard his screams, or had he died alone?

Who knew? And it didn’t matter either way. It was a stain on my past that the prince did not deserve, and it was something I needed to deal with on my own.

After the morning of my crying fest with Melody, I had also received a visit from Rapunzel, who had told me that she had managed to gain access to the duke’s town residence. She had found nothing that would have been of interest to the case, but she had expressed how much she could tell that the duke loved his parents from the memorabilia she had found. It had made me wonder if she knew she was falling for a man she had never even met, and a shared look with Melody had told me I wasn’t the only one to have seen it.

Melody had also updated us about her brief conversation with Lady Camembert at the ball. Even though the prissy woman had said few things in relation to Melody’s hints and questions, Melody had been able to pick up on a few things using her weird intuitive vibes and shit. She had concluded that Lady Camembert did indeed have affection for her husband, and it was obvious that she was a woman who was trying to condition herself to a change in her husband’s behavior. It had confirmed what I already knew, and I used that moment to update them on the conversation with Lord Camembert.

The Camemberts had excused themselves when Lord Camembert had returned, and Melody had said the poor sap looked extremely sad when he came back to his wife’s side. Well, that’s me. The ultimate party pooper.

Sir Raymond had escorted Mia back home the day after the ball and Melody had said she’d had a whale of a time. She had also said to pass on the message that full payment had been made and that we weren’t indebted to her for her services.

I suppose that was something, and I had to be grateful that all she had wanted as payment was a good time at the castle.

Rapunzel and I had put our heads together since then and tried over and over to keep piecing together the bits regarding the case we had with no results. It had all been extremely frustrating until I had received a note from Pinocchio a few hours ago at Melodies with the last known address of someone matching Billy’s description. It was the break we needed, and I had headed to the address straight after to stake out the place. Rapunzel wasn’t aware of the note yet, seeing as it was nightfall, but I appreciated my own company at the moment while I continued to wallow in my own shit.