Stranger Than Fanfiction(61)
The tour guide stepped into a jail cell the size of a broom closet.
“This is where Bundy and Claire Carmichael awaited trial for two whole months. While incarcerated, they befriended the jailer, Officer Clancy Jones. The officer was fascinated with their criminal history and the manipulative couple took full advantage of him. They filled his head with grandiose stories from their time as outlaws. Slowly but surely, Bundy and Claire convinced Officer Jones to help them escape and join them on the run. On November 3, 1935, the jailer brought them weapons, but as soon as he opened the cell door, they shot poor Clancy dead. Other police officers nearby heard the gunshot and rushed to the jailhouse—and so began the most infamous shootout in American history. The Carmichaels were outnumbered, outarmed, and out of time. With no possible way for them both to get out alive, Bundy made the famous decision to sacrifice himself for his wife. He shielded Claire from the police’s gunfire long enough for her to escape into the Texas desert. They spent weeks looking for Claire Carmichael, but the woman was never seen or heard from again.”
All the women in the room sighed and held a hand over their heart. The tour guide pointed to one of a thousand bullet holes in the brick walls.
“As you look around the jailhouse, you can still see the damage that resulted,” the guide said. “That concludes this afternoon’s tour of the Bundy and Claire Jailhouse Museum. Are there any questions?”
Sam raised his hand.
“Yes?” the tour guide asked.
“I’ve read numerous reports that Bundy and Claire actually seduced Officer Clancy Jones and were caught in a devil’s threesome when the shootout began,” he said. “Can you confirm or deny?”
The tour guide gulped and side-eyed the families in the jailhouse.
“That I can’t,” she said. “The Bundy and Claire Jailhouse Museum only shares history that’s appropriate for Texan families. Are there any other questions?”
A little girl raised her hand. “I’ve got one!”
“What’s that, pumpkin?”
The girl looked up at Cash. “Are you the guy from TV that everyone’s talking about?”
Everyone in the jailhouse turned to Cash like he was the most exciting exhibit on display. Topher, Joey, Sam, and Mo cringed.
“Nope!” Topher said. “Definitely not him.”
“He gets that all the time, though,” Sam said.
“That guy is way cuter than he is,” Mo added.
“Hey, I’ve got a question!” Joey announced. “Can we take pictures in the cell?”
It was the perfect diversion and all the families immediately whipped out their cameras. While they eagerly awaited the tour guide’s answer, Topher, Joey, Sam, Mo, and Cash made their own Claire Carmichael–esque escape and quickly dashed into the gift shop next door.
The museum shop was five times the size of the jailhouse itself. They hid the actor behind a towering shelf of tacky merchandise while the other visitors took pictures and eventually headed out.
“Okay, they’re all gone,” Topher said from the lookout. “I thought the family in the matching T-shirts would never leave.”
“I’m starving, can we get some food?” Joey asked.
“Oooo! Let’s do Tex-Mex!” Sam said.
“We aren’t going anywhere until I buy these Bundy and Claire salt and pepper shakers!” Mo said and pulled a pair off the shelf. “These are too good to pass up.”
The others waited in the front of the shop while Mo paid at the checkout counter. Topher and Joey browsed a magazine section and were disheartened to see Cash on the cover of all the tabloids. Apparently his fainting episode in St. Louis was the biggest story of the week. The boys blocked the magazines so Cash didn’t see them—but they couldn’t shield him from everything in the shop.
A television in the corner of the store was showing an episode of The Panel, a daily talk show cohosted by four well-known women: a comedian, a trophy wife, a corporate tycoon, and a retired athlete. No one was paying it the slightest attention until Cash became the topic of their discussion.
“Since everyone else in the world is talking about him, we might as well, too,” the comedian said. “By now I’m sure all our viewers have seen the video of actor Cash Carter passing out at a St. Louis concert or the hilarious video remix that’s recently gone viral. The actor’s representation released a statement on Monday saying he was simply dehydrated and is now feeling much better—but not everyone is convinced. Ladies, what do you think? Is this incident the actor’s one-night stand with scandal, or is it the overture to something far worse?”
“This breaks my heart because my kids and I love Wiz Kids so much,” the trophy wife said, and placed a hand over the golden cross of her necklace. “I know a lot of people have been quick to judge the actor, but I’m not going to make a big deal out of this. We all make mistakes. He probably had too much to drink and is learning a lesson the hard way.”
“Unfortunately, this is not the actor’s first episode of questionable behavior,” the corporate tycoon said. “Since this story broke on Monday, numerous reports have come out of the actor getting drunk at bars, partying at clubs, breaking and entering, receiving various noise complaints at his home, and driving around Hollywood with strippers. All of these incidents have happened within the last three months, by the way. I think it’s very clear Cash Carter isn’t making mistakes but is having some kind of mental breakdown.”