Straight Flushed (Hot Pursuit #1)(72)
“Di?” Gabe said, turning me around. I stared at his face and instantly noticed something about it had changed. Physically it was the same, yet it wasn’t.
I studied him. It was his eyes, they were different somehow.
“Hi.” I smiled weakly. I wished I could have done something to change the way things were, to wave a magic wand and turn back time. “What are you doing here?”
“I’m meeting my dad and brother to have dinner with a client. Why are you here?” he asked, but I suspected he already knew.
“I’m here with someone for work.”
He forced a smile. “Oh, well that’s something new then, huh? I don’t remember you ever dressing like this when you went off to work.” My spaghetti strap black dress and sling backs weren’t normal attire, and he knew it. He saw right through me. “I always loved this dress on you.” His gaze dipped low, stopping on my chest before trailing back up to my eyes. That was the moment when I would normally see it—the look, his look—and I knew what was different. The glow from his eyes had vanished.
“Gabe, I… he’s…”
“I’m not stupid. I know he’s not a client,” he said, shaking his head. I wanted to say something to convince him he was wrong, but he dissuaded me with a shake of his head. “It hurts seeing you with someone else.” He knitted his brows together and glanced down at his watch. “I have to go. It was good to see you.”
“It was good to see you too.” I smiled. He was going to leave, but I wanted to apologize. I wanted to explain. I wanted to scream. There were a million things to say. I didn’t want to watch him walk away from me, but there wasn’t time for anything else.
A pained expression washed over his face. “What have we done to each other? How did we get here?”
“I don’t know.” My voice cracked. I squinted, fighting back tears. “I don’t know how this happened.”
“I miss you,” he whispered.
“I miss you too.”
He frowned and glanced down at the ground. “I still love you, Di. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.”
How could he still love me? I hated me. My eyes welled, and I tried to swallow my emotions, but I couldn’t. I looked over his shoulder into the lounge at Stephen then back to him. He was on the brink of tears. I’d never seen him cry and part of my soul died knowing I was the reason.
He wiped a tear away and cupped my face. He pulled me to his lips and kissed me, slowly and deeply. I could have lived for a thousand years in that kiss, as painful as it was, if it meant he would have been by my side. But, it was his last good-bye.
When he let go, I opened my eyes and saw him walking away.
Twenty-three
I ran to the ladies room with a steady stream running down my cheeks. I blotted my tears with the back of my hand and pushed the door open. A cool whoosh of air smelling of fresh clover attempted to dry my cheeks.
I couldn’t believe I’d run into Gabe, of all places and of all times. I was consumed with an emotion I couldn’t name—a mixture of regret, guilt, anxiety, and sorrow. I approached the mirror and leaned in. My lower lashes were drawn together in Vs. I grabbed a tissue out of a silver box on the counter and swiped it over my skin, exposing the bright red scar under my eye.
Great, so much for concealer.
I needed to clean myself up so I didn’t return to Stephen looking like a hot mess. What a breeze it would be trying to explain why I’d been crying. I stared at myself and audibly wooed from the unsettling feeling churning in my stomach. I closed my eyes. My bones were vibrating. I felt like an old person complaining about their feet itching before it rains. A nameless spiraling vortex of dirt and debris was headed straight for me, and I couldn’t avoid it.
Suddenly a Mack truck drove onto my chest, and I had to turn and lean against the sink for support. I struggled to breathe. I gripped the edge so tightly my knuckles turned white. I needed to get through the next couple of days then I would have a chance to get my head on straight. God, I hated the feeling of being out of control.
I inhaled deeply and let the air out slowly. I repeated the exercise three times until I felt my heart rate returning to normal, and the truck gradually drove off my chest.
“Get your shit together, Di,” I said, turning into the mirror. I crumpled the tissue and tossed it into a small wicker garbage can next to the door. I thrust my shoulders back and left the bathroom. I was going to be okay.
When I rounded the table, Stephen looked up at me.
“There you are. I was about to come looking for you,” he said.
“There was a small line in the ladies room,” I lied. “I guess we all had the same thought at the same time.” I tucked my hair behind my ears.
“I ordered us a couple of things to eat, I hope you don’t mind. I was getting hungry.”
“That’s perfect. I’m starving,” I lied again. I wasn’t the slightest bit hungry; my appetite had vanished when Gabe walked away.
A server brought a couple plates of food over, and I was quiet while we ate. I delivered “uh huhs” and head nods at appropriate times as he spoke. I was somewhere else, lost in a kiss. I didn’t even take notice of what food I was putting in my mouth. I drank my wine without consciously thinking about it. I picked it up, put it in my mouth, and swallowed. It had lost its lovely flavor. What had been crisp and vibrantly bursting with citrus fruits, tasted tart and bitter. My tongue went numb. I rubbed it along the roof of my mouth and scraped it with my teeth. I was so disconnected I hadn’t even realized I’d taken a hot bite of food that had seared my taste buds. I wanted to get out of the lounge and go back up into the room.