Stolen Course (Wrecked and Ruined #2)(65)

“You found out the sex of the baby today without even telling me you had a doctor’s appointment?!” I stop at her—our—bedroom door.

“After the way you acted last time, I didn’t exactly think you would care,” she smarts back while slipping off her shoes and sliding on her favorite flip-flops.

“Wow, okay. So are you just doing this entire pregnancy on your own now?”

“That’s the way if feels.” She turns away from me and takes off her dress shirt before pulling on her favorite T-shirt.

“Well I sure as hell can’t be involved if you don’t tell me what the f*ck is going on. I’m not a mind reader.”

She lets out a loud sigh but finally turns to face me. “Look, I’m sorry. They called me this morning saying I needed to come in. My blood work had a few markers for birth defects so—”

“What?” I interrupt as my face goes pale. Things might be rocky with me and Emma right now, but that is my baby she is carrying. I must look pretty worried, because for the first time in weeks, she steps up to hug me.

“No, it’s fine. He’s fine. The ultrasound ruled out any defects. It was just precautionary.”

“Are you sure?” I ask as I release the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Yeah, I’m positive. We got the all-clear. He’s perfect.” She holds me tight around the waist. With the relief still sliding through me, I put my arms around her shoulders and pull her flush against my body.

We stand in silence, just enjoying the moment of closeness.

“Why do you go to Manda’s grave?” she asks into my chest, not stepping away but not looking up at me either.

I sigh and try to find the answer. I’m not completely sure why. All I know is that it grounds me.

“I don’t know,” I tell her, and she quickly steps away, wiping under her eyes.

“I know things are shit with us right now, but it still hurts knowing you spend almost every night there.” Damn. I didn’t even realize that she knew where I was, much less that it hurt her. “If I’m being honest, it worries me.” This is by far the most we have spoken since the day at the doctor when I tucked my tail and ran. And the fact that we are talking now is shocking the shit out of me, but Emma continues. “I feel like you are sliding backwards in this relationship. When we first got together, you were so ready to move on and start a new life, but now…I think you are using your past as a way prevent yourself from dealing with us—the present.”

She’s not right, but she definitely isn’t wrong.

“Emma, the past is safe. It already destroyed me once. It can’t hurt me anymore. Unlike you, who has the ability tear me to shreds over and over again. I go numb when I sit at her grave. The feeling I so tried to avoid all those years is the only thing keeping me sane right now.”

“Right,” she whispers, and I know that wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear, but it’s the only explanation I have.

When I first started going there, I told myself that it was nothing unusual. I was just visiting Manda. However, as the days passed and I spent more and more time sitting on the ground blankly staring at her name, it began to shut me down. And God, that was a welcome change from the emotional upheaval I have been in recently.

“I think I’m going to head to bed. I’ll clean up the kitchen in the morning.” She moves to slide back off her flip-flops and crawls into her—our—bed.

“Can we talk for a minute?” I ask, feeling helpless. It was only a flash of my Emmy when I walked in tonight, and then again when she hugged me, but it was amazing how such a brief touch immediately soothed me.

“You’re not the only one who needs to feel numb these days,” she says, and I can hear the tears in her voice. She turns away from me and curls into the bed.

I stand, watching her, the sound of her soft sobs floating through the room. I could just reach out to touch her, comfort her, and tell her that I love her. But I can’t, because every time I look into her eyes, my heart completely breaks. Different woman. Same scenario. I want a family and a forever with her, but once again, I’m left holding on to another woman who can’t commit.

“Please leave me alone,” she says to the wall.

Without another word, I turn and walk out of the room, very gently shutting the door with a soft click behind me. Suddenly, I realize that I don’t need to go to Manda’s grave for the pain to take over. The slight crack in Emma’s voice tonight was more than enough to hold me captive for weeks. I slide down the wall just outside her door. I drop my head to my hands and listen to her cry. The bite from the pain in my chest overwhelms me.

Yeah. This will do. This is actually fifty times more painful that visiting Manda.

Four hours later, long after Emma has fallen asleep, I get up and head to my makeshift bed on the couch, feeling more lost than ever.





I MUST have cried for hours before finally drifting off. I love him. He loves me. We are having a baby. That should be the end of the story, but life doesn’t work like that. Caleb and I have this invisible barrier between us. First, it was Sarah. Then, for a brief moment, it was Manda. But now, it’s just Caleb.

I wonder if this is how Brett felt for all those years fighting for Sarah. She was right in front of him, but he couldn’t touch her. For a moment, my imagination gets the best of me and I wonder if it weren’t for the baby if Caleb would already be gone. I miss him so damn much. If only we could get through this turmoil, I know we could be happy together. I wish I could help him leave Manda in the past and once and for all escape the ghost of their relationship that haunts him. Suddenly, Jesse’s words from weeks ago float through my mind.