Steal the Sun (Thieves #4)(145)

She pushed the jeans and underwear down and turned with as much grace as she could muster. She’d been in the lifestyle for a very long time so she could handle turning with her legs bound. She managed to place herself over his lap and stared down at the floor.

Time seemed to stop. She stared at the clear plastic that protected the floor where Derek’s chair sat. This was where he sat every day and now he would have the memory of her laid out over his thighs. And she would have the memory of the way his cock pressed against her belly. He was so hard. Was that for her?

His hand covered her cheek, a soft touch as though he was the one hesitating now.

“Like I said, I think you’re quite beautiful, Karina. I’ve watched you for a very long time. How long have you been in Dallas?”

His fingertips were skimming her ass, drawing out the anticipation of what would happen. She wanted to squirm, to make him move faster. She kind of thought he wouldn’t take that well. She settled for honesty. He had questions? She would give him answers. “Almost four years, Sir.”

She’d stayed in their Brooklyn apartment until she couldn’t handle the memories a second longer. She’d come to Dallas because she’d worked a job or two for Big Tag and she didn’t have anywhere else to go. The heat of Texas hadn’t burned away her memories, but she’d been able to find her balance.

“You lived in New York?”

How little did he know about her? She figured after she’d called IA on his ass a year ago that he would do a search on her. “Yes. I was born in Queens, moved to Brooklyn. I decided I needed a change and Big Tag offered me a job.”

She didn’t mention Tommy. Somehow the thought of even saying her husband’s name seemed wrong here. This was between her and Derek.

His hands stopped their soft progress and he cupped her suddenly. “You’re not to make a sound unless it’s to tell me to stop. Do you understand?”

Oh, f*ck. He was going to do it. He was going to lay that big, callused hand on her backside and light her up. Her whole body went on alert, waiting for that second that he touched her again, for the little uptake of air that would be followed by the sound of his hand cracking on her ass and the flare of pain that signaled that she could rest.

Tears pricked her eyes because it had been so f*cking long. So long since she hadn’t simply scheduled this, since it came out of nowhere and she could turn her brain off for just a few seconds. She placed her hands on the floor to balance. She didn’t know how much he would want her to touch him so she wasn’t sure where to place her hands.

“Karina, do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Do you need this as much as I do?” The question came out on the sexiest little groan.

“Please, Derek. Please. I need it.” Now that she was here, she knew she couldn’t get off his lap without it. All the floggings she’d had from Simon had done the job, but there hadn’t been a well of emotion flowing between them. There was friendship and competence, not this deep need she could feel coming from Derek. How long had it been since the Dom giving her discipline needed her as much as she needed him?

She felt it. That little baby draft of air and then the loud smack that followed, and she couldn’t help it. She reached for his ankle, grabbing on more because she needed the connection to him than the balance. She wanted it all of a sudden, wanted more than the friendly exchange of service for service. She wanted to need someone, and though it was a bad idea that man was Derek Brighton, she didn’t care in that moment.

He smacked her ass again, sending that sweet burn through her skin. “That’s right, baby. Hold on to me. Let me know how it feels. Are you with me?”

“Yes, Sir.” She kept her voice low because he’d told her to keep it down. The hum of activity on the outside would likely mask the smacks, but if she called out there would probably be ten of Dallas’ finest trying to break down the door.

Smack. Smack. The pain sparked along her skin, causing her to tense at first. It was just pain in the beginning, but she knew what came after. For the patient sub there was pleasure at the end, as though the body could reward her for hanging in there.

Derek wasn’t a softie. Tears dripped from her eyes as he laid into her backside. Over and over. She wanted to cry out, but kept her mouth shut and let herself go.

This was what she missed. She didn’t have to think here. She didn’t have to worry about falling off the wagon or feel regret for all the things she’d done as a kid. She didn’t miss anyone when she was in this place. She simply was. She simply endured and felt and let herself be. Peace. A blessed peace came with the pain. It didn’t for everyone. She knew that. But it worked for her, and she’d learned long ago to accept herself.

She lost count, didn’t care after a while. The tears were a release of all the horrible tension of the day, the last few weeks really. Though she didn’t scream out her pain, just the act of crying felt like someone had opened a valve inside her soul and released all the noxious emotions that had built up there—that she wasn’t worthy, that everything that had happened was her fault, that she’d always be alone and deserved nothing less.

All the pain she held inside on a daily basis seemed to leech away as he spanked her.

Finally, after the sweetest forever, his hand stilled on her cheeks. His palm covered her, holding the heat to her skin. He was back to caressing her.