Steal the Night (Thieves #5)(140)

“I don’t believe it,” Neil said firmly.

I was tired and I’d had to spend hours making love to my worst enemy and pretending to enjoy it. I wasn’t about to argue. “Believe what you want, Neil. If you hurry maybe you can find your lover before dawn takes him. He can tell you all about how good Dev tasted.”

I walked into my bedroom and placed the keys and the credit card on the dresser and made my way into the bathroom. I needed a steaming hot shower. I needed to wash his hands off of my skin and feel vaguely clean again. I entered the shower with a certain bitterness I hadn’t expected to feel this morning. All night, while Marini had used my body, I consoled myself with the fact that Neil would be waiting for me and I would find comfort with him. Now I wished he’d found Daniel instead of me. I wasn’t going to listen to him argue that his lover was innocent. I still had a picture of Chad inside my head, standing over Dev’s lifeless body with his precious blood dripping from his fangs. If Neil chose Chad then I would be done with him.

I scrubbed my skin with a vicious purpose. I knew I was being hard on Neil. I had no idea what he’d been through but grief is so selfish. I wasn’t thinking of Neil that night. I was thinking of myself and how Neil had let me down. It wasn’t fair and even in my grief I realized that, but I couldn’t quite make myself care. I was focused on one thing and one thing only—getting into that office and getting the combination to that safe.

I went over the whole thing in my head and felt pretty good about the plan by the time I shut off the shower and realized I had absolutely nothing to change into. I wrapped a towel around myself and just stood there for a moment feeling completely numb. Neil’s belief in Chad had thrown me for a loop, and now I only cared about finishing the job so I could get to Daniel. Danny would believe me. Danny would understand.

“How about we agree to disagree?” Neil asked from the doorway. His eyes were red from crying.

“This isn’t an argument over what television show to watch, Neil,” I heard myself saying. I felt hollowed out, like someone had opened me up and scooped out all the important parts. “Your lover killed my husband.”

Neil’s voice was quiet, cautious. “If he did, then he did it to save you or Daniel.”

“Not good enough,” I spat back, getting really angry with him. He hadn’t been there, hadn’t seen it. Did he think I just made it up for fun? “He enjoyed it, Neil. He liked killing Dev. He’s wanted him forever. Sorry, but your murdering boyfriend wanted to cheat on you and when he couldn’t have Dev, he killed him instead.”

Neil shook his head. “Z, everything you say about it just reaffirms my belief that he was acting. He loves me. He wouldn’t cheat on me. I know that deep in my soul. We’re missing something.”

I pushed past him to get out of the bathroom. “I didn’t miss anything. I saw every second of it in vivid, vibrant color. Look, I’m tired, Neil. I f*cked Marini all night. I want to sleep. I don’t want to hold your hand because you don’t like the fact that your precious boyfriend is a lunatic killer. Just stay out of my way until I can get the job done and get us out of here.”

I managed to get to the bed and I sat down feeling absolutely nothing. It was kind of nice to be so very, very numb. After the turmoil of the past few days, it felt damn good to shove Neil away. I didn’t have to care about him. Caring about him would just hurt and I’d been hurt way too much. I didn’t have to care about anything. I could just curl up in a little cocoon where no one could hurt me anymore. I would do the job and have the babies, but I didn’t have to let them touch me. I owed Dev their lives. They were all that was left of him, but did I have to love them? Maybe my love had died with their father. I could build up my armor and I would be safe.

Then I heard him. He was trying to cover it up. I knew what I would find if I went back into that bathroom. He would be on the floor, his head buried in his hands, sobbing his grief away and trying to be quiet about it.

Those hated tears started up again. I didn’t want to give a damn about his pain. I didn’t want to love him or anyone at all. Shoving him away had felt good. It had felt empowering. Hearing him cry made me feel vulnerable because I was already on my feet, learning that my heart didn’t give a shit what my head wanted. My heart would love and love and love. It didn’t matter how many times it shattered to a thousand pieces. It was going to love, and there was nothing I could do to change it.

When I walked into the bathroom he was there, sitting on the floor looking as hopeless as I felt. I sank down beside him and wordlessly wrapped my arms around him, asking for forgiveness and giving it in return. We would agree to disagree, but there was no question I needed him and he needed me.

After the longest time we found our way to the big bed and Neil lay down beside me. I turned the lights out and his hand found mine. We were quiet for a moment.

“Zoey,” I heard Neil’s voice through the darkness. “Are we going to survive this?”

I gave him the only answer I could. “I don’t know.”





I pulled aside the framed picture that covered the safe anchored to the wall even as Neil found the website for Nordstrom.

“Why do they bother carrying the crappy shoes?” Neil asked, selecting the premier designer collection.

I touched the metal of the safe, letting it play against my skin. “We should be happy they do. Up until a couple of years ago we bought all our shoes from discount stores, and only when they had the buy-one get-one-half-off deal.”