Steal the Light (Thieves #1)(41)

I turned back to my work because I thought the last thing he would want to see in my face was pity. Men have a thing about that particular emotion that women don’t. Women know that there’s something comfortable in the eliciting of sympathy. We complain to our girlfriends about everything from a boyfriend’s flaws to uncomfortable shoes, and when they pity us, they share our burdens. Men don’t see it that way. They just see the weakness, so I turned away.

“We’ll see.” I applied the knife to some sort of smelly green herb.

There was more than one reason that I didn’t want Dev involved in my professional life. Beyond the fact that he was a complete novice and therefore a liability, there was the simple truth that I wanted him for myself. I wanted to explore what we’d started the night before. It was uncharted territory, and I really wanted to map it. He hadn’t even kissed me yet, and I really wanted him to kiss me. I was the novice when it came to relationships, and I was more than willing to follow his lead.

But if he worked with me, then I had to change gears and view him as something else. I had to be professional. I had to be his boss.

I had to review the facts and be as honest with myself as possible. I’d never dated anyone but Daniel. I’d had one relationship, and it had been a deep and loving one. I didn’t know how to do casual. The night before I felt a real connection with Dev. Maybe it had been one way. Maybe he hadn’t felt that connection, or it hadn’t been important to him. He was willing to throw it away to pursue some sort of revenge.

“I’m really glad I’m not thyme right now,” he said, watching me pulverize the herbs.

“Why don’t you go and see if you can help Neil.” I needed to think, and it would be so much easier if he was in another room. This close to me, I could feel his warmth and smell the soap he used, and it made me want to press myself into him. It had been so long since I’d had the solace of another body against mine that the loss of the possibility made me want to cry.

“No, I think I need to be right here doing some serious damage control.” His voice was breathy. He reached out and laid his big hand across my arm, stopping my motion. “Zoey, please tell me why you’re crying.”

I hadn’t realized I was, but now I felt the tears brush my cheeks as they journeyed down my face. “I…it’s just been a rough day.”

“And I made it so much worse.” He let his hand slide up my arm in a comforting fashion. There was nothing overtly sexual about his movement, but my skin was singing everywhere he touched.

I pulled back abruptly because I knew if I let it go, I wouldn’t be able to pull back later. I needed that touch. I needed someone to want me, but now it couldn’t be him. He was part of the crew, and there were good reasons to not get sexually involved with members of your crew. “Stop, Dev. If you wanted to date me, you should have stayed out of the business part of my life. We need to keep this professional.”

His laugh was deep and rich and infectious. “Oh, Zoey, there is absolutely nothing professional about the way I feel about you. I want to be with you in every way possible and part of that is being in your world. Don’t get me wrong. I have other reasons for wanting to do this particular job, and one day I promise I will explain, but don’t doubt that I have every intention of being with you.”

“That’s a problem, Dev. I don’t have romantic relationships with people I work with,” I stated as flatly as possible.

He just stared at me.

“I’m not with Daniel. I haven’t been with Daniel for many years. Our relationship was over years before I started to work with him.”

“But you have feelings for him,” Dev pointed out needlessly.

Feelings didn’t begin to cover it. “Of course. We were going to get married. I loved him. I love him. I can’t stop, but we’re not together. There are…complications.”

“He’s a vampire with a chip on his shoulder, and you’ve been too stubborn to let go.” Dev summed up the situation neatly. “Last night after the cleanup, I did a little research. I know all about it, but I’m willing to take the chance. If I thought you could be happy with him, I wouldn’t stand in the way, but I don’t think he’s going to change. It goes against the nature of vampires. You wouldn’t be content in that world. I think I can provide you with a happy alternative. I don’t know what’s been wrong with the guys you’ve dated since Daniel left you, but you should know that I don’t intend to follow the pattern, whatever it is.”

I stared at the thyme lying there on the cutting board and hoped he would move on. He didn’t.

“There have been other men?” Incredulity crept into his voice.

My silence was my answer.

“Zoey.” Dev gently cupped my chin and turned me toward him. I felt so naked and na?ve in that moment. I wished I could run, but my pride forced me to stay. “How many men have you been with, sweetheart?”

I was twenty-five years old. It was ridiculous, but I had only one answer, and it was a true one. There had been no high school fumblings behind the bleachers, no college experimentation. There had been only Daniel. I’d given myself in love and longing, and he was gone from me as surely as if he was dead. I couldn’t stop the tears, and I wished in that moment that I could claim a hundred lovers. “One.”