Steal the Light (Thieves #1)(29)

The crux of our problem wasn’t me accepting Daniel. Daniel had never accepted himself.

I reached up and touched his face, not worried when I grazed those sharp fangs. “Baby, you always wanted that, even when you were human. Not the feeding part, but certainly the rest of it. You might have forgotten, but I remember who you were. Who you still are. You were a manipulative bastard with a secret desire for world domination and a little bit of a god complex. You controlled it then, you control it now, and I love you for it. This part of your personality has nothing to do with being a vampire and everything to do with being Daniel Donovan. Don’t think you can scare me with the big bad wolf routine. If you want me out of your life, you only have to ask, but don’t think you can get me to tell you I’m afraid of you.”

Daniel pushed me away and slammed his hands into the wall. The wall obligingly gave way with a thud. He was going to have to redecorate if he kept it up. “Go take a shower, Zoey. You’re covered in blood, and it’s making me crazy. Go get cleaned up and I’ll get some bandages.”

In a desire to save the rest of his furniture, I made a hasty retreat. The apartment wasn’t large, and I quickly found the bedroom.

I gasped when I looked at myself in the mirror. I really was covered in blood. It wasn’t so surprising given the way I’d spent the evening. I opened the bathroom door and turned on the shower.

It just didn’t make sense that Daniel couldn’t trust himself. He’d spent almost an hour with me covered in blood, and I was more than willing to give him a taste, but he sent me away. He possessed remarkable self-control. That couldn’t be the reason he rejected me. Something happened to him in France, and it looked like I would never be let in on that little secret.

I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water slide across my body. I closed my eyes and let myself remember that night.





“Darlin’ is there anything I can do for you?” my father asked as I forced my legs to move across the room. If I could just make it to the couch, I could sit and not have to worry about things like walking.

I’d been numb all night, but since that moment when I’d looked at that dead body and been forced to confront the fact that Daniel was gone, I hadn’t really felt a thing. I was in motion, but there was no meaning to it.

“No.” Even to my own ears, my voice sounded flat and foreign.

I didn’t need anything. I didn’t want anything. I wasn’t anything at all.

My father sat down beside me. He put his arms around me, but I couldn’t really feel them. “I know you won’t believe me, but you will get through this, Zoey. Daniel was a great boy, and you’ll miss him every day of your life, but the sun is going to come up tomorrow and the day after that. One day it’ll be beautiful again. Daniel wouldn’t want you wasting away.”

I forced myself to hug my father back. My mouth moved mechanically, speaking words I knew would get my dad out of my apartment. “I know, Dad. I’m so grateful you’re here for me. I just need a little time to myself.”

It took a few more gentle proddings, but finally, reluctantly, my father left, and I was alone at last.

The apartment was silent, and I knew it would always feel that way for me now. It wouldn’t be filled with music and Daniel yelling at me to come look at some stupid thing he’d found on the Internet. God, I’d resented having to get up and leave what I was doing to watch YouTube with him, but now I would give anything to hear him calling to me one more time.

I didn’t give a f*ck if the sun came up tomorrow. He was gone, and I didn’t know where he was. I always knew where he was. He always told me or called me to let me know, but he hadn’t called me to let me know where he was now. He had left the apartment to pick up some food and…then he was gone.

It ate me alive that I didn’t know where he was.

I sat there with no thought to the time passing. I didn’t think about Daniel and all that he had lost. I didn’t think about his lost potential or all his dreams that wouldn’t come to fruition. I thought about myself. I thought about having to live fifty or more years without him holding me and telling me he loved me. I would miss loving him, but even more, I would miss the way he loved me. He was full throttle, unlike any other man I’d ever met. When he loved me, there hadn’t been anyone else in the world except the two of us. He hadn’t looked at other girls, though he’d had opportunities. He’d always said I was enough. He’d made me better, and I didn’t know how to continue without that. I would spend the rest of my life waiting to see him again, waiting to go wherever he’d gone.

But the rest of my life didn’t have to be so long. Did it? Just as the dark thought started to fill me, I heard a voice.

“God, you’re so f*cking beautiful.”

I could hear him. He’d always told me I was beautiful.

“I need you not to freak on me, Z.” Daniel’s voice. It wasn’t a weak little whisper. For a moment, I wondered if I’d gone crazy. It wouldn’t really surprise me, and the truth was, if I could be with Daniel again, I wouldn’t really care if it was real or not.

“Why would I freak?” It was a dream. I had fallen asleep on the couch and naturally I dreamed that Daniel had come back to me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized I would have to wake up and deal with his death all over again, so I was going to enjoy my dream while it lasted. “Come here and hold me.”