Stanton Bliss(11)

What does I’ve told her everything mean? Who is ‘her’ and who is Deidre? What’s to tell?

Margaret walks back over to the two of us followed by a man with a tray of two frozen Margaritas and a green drink of some kind. “Thank you.” I smile as I take mine.

Joshua gets out of the pool and his eyes meet mine and he smiles softly. I can feel myself melt into his gaze, so I blow him a kiss. He holds his arm out for me and I stand to make my way over to him where he kisses me gently on the forehead and wraps his arms around me.

“You ok?” he whispers.

I nod and smile. “I am now.”

“How long till we can go to our room?” He kisses me gently.

I smirk. “Not yet.”



The next few hours are a blur of friends, laughter and my stupid self-analysis. I lay with my head on Joshua’s lap as we all sit around the fire pit. Who texted Margaret? Why am I so damn suspicious of that text? Is it my gut instinct or am I just so untrusting of people now that I don’t know what to think? Robert and Margaret don’t seem to talk much; in fact, if I didn’t already know they were married, I would never guess they were even together. I wonder if they are still trying to work things out? Margaret is sitting at a table with Scott and his wife, and Robert hasn’t been near her for hours. Hmm.

“You ready for bed, Presh?” That husky sexy voice purrs.

I smile. “I am. Are you?”

He nods sleepily and yawns. “Yes.”

We say our goodbyes and make our way to our bedroom. I’m tired, but how is it possible to be this tired from doing nothing? I turn the corner to walk into our room and stop dead in my tracks. Joshua runs into the back of me.

“What’s wrong?” He frowns.

My eyes stay fixed to the small chocolate, leather bound diary that sits on my bed. I feel my heart start to beat rapidly in my chest.

“Where did that come from?” I stammer as my breathing tightens.

Joshua frowns as he walks past me into the room. “What?”

“The diary.”

“Oh, I got Cameron to pick you up a new one today,” he replies casually.

Are you kidding me? I pick it up in a rush and carry it into my wardrobe, I throw it into a drawer and slam it shut.

“I don’t want a diary!” I snap.

Joshua stands still and frowns as he assesses me for a moment. “Ok. Why not?”

I rip the blankets down with force. “I just don’t.”

He puts his hands on his hips as he watches me, his eyes drop to the six chunky bangles on my wrist that cover my scar, and I cover them with my hand, suddenly self conscious. “What?” I snap and storm into the bathroom and turn the shower on. God, how dare he buy me a f*cking diary? Why would I want to write down the shit that is in my head?

I get into the shower and turn the water on as hot as I can stand it. Joshua, wisely, stays in the bedroom. I lean against the tiles with my heart beating through my chest in anger and I don’t even know why. That’s a lie, I do but I can’t rationalise it. Just calm down, just calm down, I keep repeating to myself, and eventually I do. Forty minutes later, feeling very drained, I exit and slowly dry myself, wrap a towel around my body and walk into the bedroom. Joshua is sitting, propped up against the headboard reading a book. He doesn’t look up and I crawl into bed feeling unstable. He leans over and kisses me gently on the lips.

“You ok?” he asks softly, his worried eyes hold mine.

I nod and fake a smile. I have never felt so far from ok. I feel overwhelmed and unstable and unsure why I’m feeling like this. I am home, I am safe. Why is this anxiety still with me? Am I having a panic attack? Is that what this is? Normally I would have a migraine if I get like this but there is no sign. In fact, I would welcome that feeling over this.

“Goodnight, my precious girl. Go to sleep, baby. I’m here, it’s ok.”

I nod nervously, lie down and turn my back to him. I concentrate on regulating my breathing as he rests his hand on my hip and soothingly rubs his hand in a circle on my behind. I feel myself slowly start to relax under his hand.

It works, and after ten minutes with my love in our bed, I don’t remember anything else.

Joshua

I jump off the speeding treadmill, panting. I’m wet with perspiration, so I grab a towel to wipe myself. Nicholas has just returned from his morning run and I need to talk to him. Standing by the gate that leads from his villa into the pool area, I see him stretching.

“Hey.” I smile as I approach him.

He nods. “Beautiful morning.”

I nod and hesitate. Maybe now is not the time to broach this subject.

“Did you give it to her?” he asks.

I nod.

“Did she write anything down?”

I shake my head. “No.” I bought that diary yesterday on Nicholas’ suggestion. He’s worried about Natasha. I’m worried about Natasha. She’s acting normal, as if she has been through nothing, but last night her mask slipped a little and I know she’s struggling.

“She was agitated that the diary was there. She threw it into a drawer annoyed.”

Nicholas nods. “I see.”

I wipe the perspiration that keeps appearing on my forehead.

“Its very early days, Joshua.”

I nod. “I know.”