Standing in the Shadows (McClouds & Friends #2)(146)

Feelings had roared through the ruined landscape of her heart, and she'd remembered. She had realized what had been taken from her. That magical night of perfect trust and love. Her gallant knight errant, tender and passionate and brave. It had cracked her wide open.

She pressed her hand against her belly and stared at the scarred linoleum. The memory of that night with him still stabbed like a knife.

It hadn't gotten any better in a week of endless days and sleepless nights, but every time she picked up the phone to call him, she stopped. She had so little to offer him. Just herself, and she felt so small right now. Such a sorry prize. And if he rejected her, that would be it. She would shrivel up like a dead flower and crumble into dust.

Not knowing was preferable to dreadful certainty. Every day, she dropped the phone back into the cradle, and she thought, tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll have more nerve.

Well, there were no tomorrows left. She had to call him today. Her contingency plan was ready. If he said no, she would leave tomorrow. Her friend Sasha lived in a group house in Portland that had a free bedroom. Just like her college days. It would be a step backwards in time, but it was all she could afford, and the noise and bustle of a house full of busy young women would be good for her. She could temp in Portland while she sent out resumes. There was nothing holding her in the Northwest now, if… if the answer to the big question was no. Mom was working, and loving it. Miles was tutoring Cindy through summer school. They didn't need her to take care of them, and lucky for them, because she was all tapped out. She would be lucky if she managed to take care of herself.

"Honey? I decided to get one last load. Let's go down together."

Erin smiled up at her mother's anxious face and scrambled to her feet. She grabbed the final armful of clothes from the closet and followed Barbara down the stairs. She kicked the lobby door open.

She stopped, as if she'd been turned to stone.

Connor was lounging against his car. His long, rangy body was dressed in battered khaki cargo pants and an olive drab T-shirt. His hair was loose, blowing around his shoulders. His face was grim. Wary.

Plastic-wrapped clothing slid out of her arms and scattered every which way over the steps.

"Well!" Mom said. "You took your own sweet time showing up!"

Cindy gave her mother a horrified look and scrambled to gather up Erin's fallen clothes. "Mom! Don't make it worse!"

"Worse? How could it possibly be worse? Stabbing villains to death? Gouts of blood? Threats of rape, torture, and murder? She can't sleep, she won't eat! Don't talk to me about worse!"

Connor's face softened. He almost smiled. "Nice to see you again, too, Barbara."

"Don't you get smart with me, Connor McCloud. I am very annoyed with you, and I've had a bad week."

"Me, too," he admitted. He turned his gaze up to Erin.

Her mother flung the clothes into the van. Erin was still transfixed. The silence dragged on. It reached deafening proportions.

"Hi, Erin," he said gently.

The simple, innocuous words released a tide of emotion. It swept over her, made her body quake and shudder. "Hi," she whispered.

Connor glanced over at Barbara, Miles, and Cindy. "I was hoping to get Erin to go for a ride with me," he said. "You all mind?"

"Ask her, not us." Barbara jerked her chin in Erin's direction. "She's the one who's been holding her breath for a week."

"Mom!" Cindy moaned. "Stop! You'll ruin it!"

Connor looked at Erin. "Erin? Will you come for a ride with me?"

Somehow, she unlocked her muscles enough to nod.

"We'll get out of your hair, then," Mom said. "I'm sure you have a lot to talk about. Connor, she hasn't eaten yet. See to it that she does."

Cindy shot her a hopeful thumbs-up as she slid the van door shut. Miles folded his impossibly long self into the passenger seat. Barbara yanked the driver's side door open, and hesitated.

She stalked over to Connor, grabbed him around the waist, and gave him a fierce, stiff hug. Then she took a step back and swatted him on the chest, hard enough to make him wince and leap back.

"Ouch!" He rubbed the spot, indignant. "What the hell?"

She made a frustrated sound.

Connor leaped between her and his car and held out his arms protectively. "Don't you dare touch my car, Barbara. I love this car."

"Idiot," she muttered. She glanced at Erin as she hurried to the van. "Call me," she said. "Don't make me worry, whatever you end up doing. I just can't handle it right now."

"OK," Erin said faintly.

They waited until the van turned the corner and was lost to sight.

Connor rubbed his chest. "I'm going to have a bruise. Christ. That woman is dangerous."

"Mom's dealing with a lot of conflicted emotions right now."

"Huh. Aren't we all," he grumbled. "As long as she doesn't come to terms with them using a tire iron, we'll be fine."

It was time to move her legs, but if she bent them, the starch might just go right out of her, and she would fall flat on her face.

Which, now that she thought of it, was exactly where she'd been for the past week. She unlocked her knees, a smidgen at a time. She took a step, then another. She made it to the car without falling.