Split(87)

Chaos breaks loose in my soul as I try to consider what this means. What it means to love someone who never had a chance at a normal life. He’s so emotionally destroyed he can’t even recognize love. Is a relationship between us even possible?

Visions burst behind my eyes. Lucas carving a piece of wood by the river with a small boy staring up in awe and a big smile on his face. Me watching from the porch, my hands on my swollen belly and a gold band on my finger. My mom smiling down on me from heaven, grinning because she always knew I was meant for big things, and those big things had nothing to do with my career goals.

I was meant for this. To love the unlovable.

A sense of rightness and belonging overwhelm me.

Taking every bit of affection that was poured over me by my parents and covering Lucas with it. Accepting him, all of him, as well as his past. Even the depths of hell and all his demons. I hold him tighter, unwilling to let him go now that he’s finally found rest. The wind blows a soft moan through the trees and I close my eyes, feeling for the first time that I’m exactly where I belong.

Suddenly his body turns rigid in my arms. His breathing changes from that of sleep and calm to that of panic.

“Shy?”

I exhale and my muscles relax at the timid and confused tone of his voice. “Hey, Lucas.”

He pushes up and out of my arms and I hug my knees to my chest. Sitting on one hip, his hand braced behind him, he takes me in with confusion. His gaze swings around the forest and then back to me. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” Better than ever.

“I’m sorry—”

I cover his lips with my finger. “Don’t be.”

A smile curves my lips and he watches in fascination.

He nods toward my grin. “Gage?”

“No.” I lean in and when I get close, he jerks, but only slightly. I give him a second to recover and then brush my lips across his. “You.”

He sucks his bottom lip as if he’s tasting and savoring my kiss all while staring at my mouth. I lean in again, using my lips to coax him to release it.

“You’re kissing me.” His voice is soft and breathless.

“I am.” I kiss him again, this time allowing my tongue to moisten his lips.

“I blacked out.”

“I know.” I sift my hand into the hair at his nape and pull him down to my mouth.

“Where are we?” His words feather across my skin.

Lost in Lucas, I’d almost forgotten. I turn toward the willow tree. “This is where we buried my mom.”

A few beats of silence pass between us and finally he grabs my hand. “It’s peaceful here. I like it.”

I absorb the comfort of his gaze as it communicates more compassion than any string of words ever could. My chest is tight, so full with emotion, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, not one of them bad. The muted light of sunset gives the forest an almost ethereal feel and I’m reminded of the best part of this area. “There’s something I want to show you.”

Hand in hand, we move past the willow tree just up over the ridge and through the thick copses of evergreens to a patch of wildflowers that leads to the edge of a rocky cliff. The view is its own introduction and I turn to watch Lucas’s reaction.

He stares in awe at nothing but untouched forest and mountain ranges. Sprawling hills covered in rock and green that seem to go on forever. The sun, vibrant yellow, sinks behind the purple-hued hills and paints the sky in a series of bright pinks and oranges. He blinks and squeezes my hand, then drags his eyes away from the view to set them on me. “It’s a masterpiece.” He blushes, as if the description came from somewhere deep inside, a place he’s not used to showing others. “I mean, it doesn’t look real.”

I try to see the view through his eyes, through the perspective of an artist rather than the impassive view of a resident. The colors explode across the sky, contrasting against the gray background of an incoming storm. It really is breathtaking.

“Shy?” He cups my cheeks and his hands shake subtly against my skin. He stares at my lips and seems nervous.

“What is it?”

His eyes dart to mine, then to the view, and back to my lips. “I want to kiss you.”

Running my hands up his chest, his muscles tense beneath my touch. “I want that too.”

His lips tick for a second before he dips down and presses them to mine. I push up on my tiptoes and tilt my head. He accepts the invitation, his arms wrapping around my waist as he deepens the kiss. My legs wobble and I fight to remain upright, wanting nothing more than to give in to the gravity of his kiss and pull him with me to the bed of wildflowers under our feet.

He closes his eyes and his kiss turns from tentative to urgent. I groan at the demand and the way his hands splay across my back in a possessive and powerful hold. The sound spurs him on and he slips under my shirt, his fingertips trailing up my belly to my breast.

I suck in a breath. For a fraction of a second, I panic that Gage has stepped up and thrown Lucas back into the dark. In the beat of another second I relax because I don’t care. Gage or Lucas. I’m in love with this man. All of him.

“I’m sorry. Is this okay?” His entire body quivers, even his breath.

“Yes, Lucas. It’s okay. It’s better than okay.”

The corner of his mouth lifts and he tilts his head to sink into a kiss that has my head scrambling and hips thrusting to make contact. His long, powerful fingers slide under my bra and he runs the calloused pads along my nipple. I squirm, searching for more, and his breath beats against my skin. “You like that.”