Split(33)

A holler that can only be described as guttural exhilaration echoes off the canyon walls and slices through the trees.

I race to the edge and there’s nothing but a circle of white bubbles marring the once shimmering pond.

I wait for her to surface, and just when I’m about to jump in and rescue her, she pops up out of the water with a feral howl.

“That was amazing!” She waves at me. “The water is perfect!”

With adrenaline coursing through my veins, I allow myself a moment to wonder what it would be like to be as free as Shyann. Everything I do is weighed against the danger of doing it. The threat of blacking out always pulling me back to walk the safer, less risky side of any situation. But something about her makes me want to try harder, makes me want to take a risk like other twenty-five-year-old guys. The sound of her squealing lights a fire in my chest that has me wanting to jump.

Risking a blackout might be worth the few seconds of euphoria I haven’t felt since . . . I can’t remember.

I think of backing away and yelling for her to meet me at the truck, but something pulls me toward her. Part of me wonders if it’s nothing more than wanting to be close, to keep her safe, because she belongs to Mr. Jennings and I owe him. But even as the thought enters my mind, so do others.

I want her to like me.

I want her to see me as brave.

I want to know what it’s like to be normal.

I drop to a rock and untie the laces of my work boots, kicking them off and stuffing them with my socks. In my hat I put the keys to the truck, my wallet, and my shirt. Unbuckling my belt, I pull my jeans off and a rush of adrenaline fires through my veins.

“Lucas! Are you still there?”

I don’t answer but instead shake out the numbness in my arms and bounce on my toes. “I can do this. I can do this.” I check the depths of my mind and find no darkness lingering at the edge.

“Lucas! Where’d you go?”

Before I can change my mind, I take off running and push off the edge of the sharp cliff.

I’m weightless.

My legs kick and my arms flail as my body responds on instinct, in an attempt to fight gravity.

Another long howl from Shyann and my stomach goes to my throat as I plummet, then hit with a cool sting that enlivens me.

Water rushes around me. Not knowing how deep I’ve gone, I thrash to the surface.

I’m still here. No blackout.

I break through with a rebel yell I never knew I was capable of, followed by a gasp of air.

“Holy shit!” Her eyes are wide and I grin at the blatant shock playing across her face. “I can’t believe you jumped!”

She swims closer to me, her black lashes dripping with water drawing my attention to her light eyes that seem to reflect the sparkle in the water. I’m hit with the force of her excitement and a wave she sends over my face. “That was f*cking awesome!”

That’s when it happens. A howl of laughter I didn’t know I was capable of comes barreling up from my chest and echoes off the stone walls, and in this moment I’m free. She can’t possibly know the victory I feel, but the way her gaze finds mine and her expression softens I can’t help but wonder if she does.

My laughter dies as I tread water to stay afloat, tangled in her eyes.

“I didn’t think you’d do it! Did you see how much distance you got?” Her chin dips in and out of the water as she kicks to stay afloat. “Did it hurt when you landed?”

My skin feels sensitive, but I don’t think it’s from the hit. “Not really.”

“Did you like it? I mean, you had to have loved it, right?”

A smile practically slices my face in two. “I liked it.”

“You’re full of surprises, Lucas.” She splashes me and swims off laughing toward a rock that’s exposed to full sunlight.

Hoisting herself up, she lies back, and not in a graceful way like I’d imagined when I’d read Hans Christian Andersen’s story about a mermaid on a rock. No, she drops back, legs and arms outstretched, panting heavily.

“You should get out in the sun.” Her eyes are closed and the light makes her skin glow. My gaze follows the path of her slender neck that leads to dip between her breasts that are round and beaded at the tips.

Black peppers my vision.

No! I push it back with my mind. Why now? I’m not in any danger and feel better than I have in a long time. I’m safe. She’s not a threat.

“Helps to dry off so we can hit the road.” Her inky black hair falls across the rock all around her shoulders.

I close my eyes and focus on holding back the dark. Shyann, mostly naked before me, is too distracting and if I don’t concentrate, there is no way I’ll be able to hold off blacking out.

My legs kick to keep me from sinking and I welcome the cold water, praying it cools my heated blood so I can reinstate my walls.

A voice in the back of my mind whispers its warning.

I’m too close. Too exposed to this woman. In her presence all my defenses evaporate and the blackouts are a constant threat I’ll have to fight to hold off.

I’d never want to hurt Shyann.

But if the blackouts return, there’s no doubt . . . I will.





ELEVEN



SHYANN


“We’re here.”