Spiralling Skywards: Falling (Contradictions #1)(65)

She had been was so quiet. She didn’t come to any of the Christmas functions at the office, and she didn’t come with me when I took the boys to see Santa. We got through Christmas and New Year’s, but she was on autopilot. I had been getting ready to talk her into going to the doctor, but then—as if something had flipped inside her—she seemed lighter. It was like she had this new lease of life. Or someone new to live for. Her nails were now always done, and she’d changed her hair colour at least three times over the past month or so. Why? Why now, so suddenly? I had been thinking all sorts. I trusted my wife, but she was beautiful, and men looked at her. Even when I was with her, some blatantly stared.

Sarah just had that kind of beauty that made men look twice. She didn’t need make-up, her skin was flawless, and she only seemed to get better with age.

The telly was on when I walked into the house, and I was surprised to find Taylor curled up in the corner of our sofa watching it.

“Hey, Tay, where’s Sares?”

“Hey, Liam, hairdressers, I think. She called me just before lunchtime and asked if I could come over and watch the kids till you got home. She said something about getting her hair done . . .”

My stomach churned, and the unease I felt earlier uncoiled a little more. Sarah had her hair done Saturday, just four days ago.

“Lucas has been asleep for about half an hour."

I stared at her blankly as she stood, trying to process her words as my thoughts went into a spin cycle, which was in perfect sync with my stomach.

“Can you do me a favour and just wait here for a bit, I may have to go out again.”

She chewed on her bottom lip before saying, “Er, yeah sure,” as she sat back down.

I hid myself in the study and logged into our banking app on my phone. My hands were shaking, and I shivered as I felt a bead sweat track down my spine.

My legs almost gave way as I stared at my phone screen.

She’d used her card for an unknown charge that afternoon, and then again at the Marriott the next town over.

Why was my wife at a hotel in the middle of the day?

My knees hit the office chair, and I forced myself to sit before I fell down.

I called her mobile again.

“Hey, this is Sarah, sorry you can’t get through. Why don’t you leave your name and your number, then I’ll get back to.”

She sang out her greeting to the tune of De La Soul’s “Ring, Ring, Ring”.

This usually made me smile, but in that moment, it made me want to vomit.

“Sarah, call me back right the f*ck now.”

I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. There was a reasonable explanation for this.

There had to be.

I shook to the point where I had no control over it. I needed to do something. I couldn’t just sit there and wait for her to come home. If this was what I thought it was, I had to know, even if it changed everything. I had to know the truth. Drawing in another deep breath, I stood and headed back to where Taylor was watching the telly.

“Tay, I need to go out. I’ve no clue how long I’ll be. You all right to stay over if it gets late? I’ll pay ya double."

My head and heart pounded as I stood still for a few seconds waiting on her answer.

“Yeah, of course. Is everything okay? Sarah was—”

“What? Sarah was what, Tay?”

She took in a deep breath and looked around the room as she considered her answer. I swallowed continuously, fighting the urge to throw up as I waited for her response.

“I dunno. Agitated? Stressed out? She was just acting a little strange when I got here, and she couldn't get out the door quick enough.”

Tiredness suddenly overwhelmed me. I felt drained, exhausted. I wanted to go to my bed and curl up to my wife’s warm soft body. I wanted to breathe in her citrusy scent and fall asleep listening to her heartbeat.

Instead, I was about to drive out to a hotel and might possibly catch her in the act of f*cking another man.

I nodded my head, but I didn’t know why. I just didn’t have any verbal response to offer.

“Everything’s fine. I’ve gotta go. I have my mobile if you need me.” My legs barely held me up as I walked out of my house and sat in my car. I was cold, but I was sweating. I felt hollow, but my head felt like it would burst with the myriad of thoughts rushing through it.

I didn’t want to start my car. I didn’t want to drive across town. I didn’t want to walk into a hotel room and find my wife with another man.

But what if I did?

What if that was exactly what I found?

What if Sarah had found someone else, had moved on, fallen in love?

I started to cry.

She was the reason my heart beat. What the f*ck would I do if she left me? If she was planning on taking my boys away?

My boys. Fuck!

This was my fault. I left her alone too much. I worked too much. I thought back to what my mum had told us on our wedding day . . . “Don’t always take for granted the person you’re heading home to, or that they’ll always be there waiting.”

What if Sarah had finally got sick of waiting just like my mum did? I was always promising her I’d slow down, cut back, just like my dad apparently used to promise my mum.

What if I’d left it too long, and she’d met someone else? Someone that didn’t work long hours? Who wouldn’t leave her to eat dinner alone with the kids every night?