Spin My Love (My Love #1)(49)

When Tane walks in an hour later, I’m surprised to see him. He rushes over to my bed, a big bouquet of flowers in his hands. He puts them on the table and turns to me, his eyes filled with worry and pain.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, threading his fingers with mine. “God, I’m so sorry.”

I stare into his eyes. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

He swallows and lowers his gaze. “I know.”

“I shouldn’t have run out on you; I should have stayed. Then Levi would still be alive.”

“You can’t think like that,” he admonishes me gently.

“I know.” But I can’t seem to stop myself. There are so many what ifs that are going to drive me crazy. So many factors that if they changed, could have made Levi still be alive right now.

And it kills me.

“How are you?” he asks, gently touching the scrape on my cheek.

“I’m okay.” Physically, at least. “I can go home tomorrow.”

I look at his rumpled clothes. “Did you come here straight from the airport?”

“Yes,” he replies softly. “I went back and picked up my suitcase then had to wait for the next flight. Gage called me just as I was boarding the plane.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. Levi was his friend, too, not just mine.

He sighs sadly and cradles my face with his palms. “If anything had happened to you …”

“I’m okay. I’m alive …”

Which is more than I can say for Levi. Soon I’m crying again, this time in Tane’s arms.

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” I sob into his chest.

“Shhh,” he soothes, rubbing my back, kissing the top of my head.

He makes me feel like it’s going to be okay, even though it isn’t. Nothing can bring Levi back; nothing. How am I ever going to learn to live with that? To live without him?

*****

Two weeks later

I’m in bed watching Friends reruns when Tane walks in. He has a stubborn look on his face that I’ve seen before. He’s been tiptoeing around me for the last two weeks, cooking for me, helping with everything that needs to be done. He’s been amazing. Letting me sew myself together bit by bit, giving me time to heal.

Not pushing me.

But by the determined look on his face, that time is now over.

“I think it’s time we spoke about what happened that night in the hotel room,” he says.

Right, the huge elephant in the room. We still haven’t spoken about what happened. After I left the hospital we had Levi’s funeral to plan. Since his funeral, I pretty much haven’t left my bed.

Tane’s been taking Parker to and from kindy and doing everything for him. He’s been keeping it all together, while I’ve been falling apart.

“I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen,” he says when I stay quiet.

I open my mouth, then close it. I’m surprised by his tone. He’s never spoken to me like that.

Hard.

Unmoving.

He holds all my attention.

“I haven’t taken any drugs,” he starts. “I told you I ran into an old friend. He was Keiran’s best friend.” He pauses, making sure he has my attention. “He wanted to catch up, said he needed someone to talk to about Keiran. He misses him. So do I. We grabbed some food at the pub and chatted for a while, and it was good. I told him all about you and Parker, and how I’d been clean for more than a year now.”

He looks at me with an intensity that makes me gulp. “Keep going,” I say.

“Afterwards he walked me back to my room. I guess he was just lonely. He asked to use my bathroom and of course I let him. He must have left it there either accidentally or maybe as an attempt to tempt me.”

“And were you tempted?” I ask. My stomach is clenching, I’m so nervous about his answer.

“I didn’t even know it was there until you showed it to me. Do I ever get tempted? Of course. Those feelings won’t just go away, Giselle. But all I think about are you and Parker, and I know that absolutely nothing is worth losing my family.” He tentatively edges closer and takes me by the hands, kissing each one in turn. “I know it looks bad, but it’s the truth. If I had messed up, I’d deserve your wrath, but that isn’t the case at all,” he says, staring straight ahead as he speaks.

“Why would your so-called friend do this to you?” I ask.

He sighs. “He was in even deeper than Keiran and me. I guess he wanted me back in that lifestyle with him. He must have been lonely and wanted a running partner. I don’t know, I can only guess.”

“Tane, look at me,” I say.

He does. I search his familiar eyes and see no deceit. “You promise you’re telling the truth?”

He holds my stare. “I promise.”

“Okay,” I say. “I believe you. I should have listened to you that night. I handled everything horribly, and I’m sorry.”

He slowly nods. “When you said I needed to want to stay clean for me, not you and Parker, you were right. I deserve to be happy with the two of you. And I won’t do anything to ruin that. I love you, Giselle, I always have.”

I smile at that. “I know. You’ve always been mine.”