Soulless (Lawless #2)(23)

“I told you I’d help you and I will but answer me first,” Buck demanded. “Don’t you think if your parents could see you now that they’d be pissed at what you’re doing…with him?” He scrunched his nose and said him as if he’d gotten a whiff of skunk spray.

Any control over my calmness I had snapped.

“What do you want me to say, Bucky?” I asked, throwing my hands in the air. “Do you want me to tell you that I wish I’d just died with my parents? Because I won’t. My father used to be a great man, but for the last few years he’d been everything but great. He fell apart because my mom fell apart. He was weak because she was weak. And when they faded away and I was working three jobs to try and hold it all together, I had NOBODY. Tell me Buck, where were you then? Because I don’t remember you coming to my rescue.” Buck opened his mouth but I wasn’t done. “I’m not like them. I won’t crumble. I won’t make excuses. I refuse to wish away my life because they didn’t know how to live theirs, without yielding under the weight of their own bullshit. And I’ll tell you something else, I lived through the most horrible night of my life, because I was strong and I’ll survive this now because I’m strong.”

“Thia—” Bucky started, regret written all over his face.

“You’re wrong about one other thing too,” I said, reaching for the door handle. “I don’t think Bear is my hero. I don’t need him to be my hero. Love isn’t about wanting a hero, it’s about wanting to be one for the other person.”

I made a move to get out of the car but Buck reached over and held onto my arm. “I want to be yours,” he said, taking me by complete surprise. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“What?”

“Ever since we were kids I thought it would be me and you in the end. Then suddenly it was like you got that ring”—more skunk smell—“and at first, I thought it was a silly kid thing like when you had that weird crush on Al Pacino and wall papered your room with posters from Scarface and The Godfather. But then he showed up here, and I knew it was him right away. That’s when I knew I’d lost you.”

“Bucky,” I said, sympathetically placing my hand over his which was still on my arm. “We can start over. Be friends again,” I offered, hoping it would be enough.

Buck shook his head, and although I took my hand off of his, he didn’t release my arm. “Thia, that’s not what I’m talking about and you know it.”

I sighed. “That’s why you stopped coming around,” I said, realizing the reason for the gradual rift in our friendship wasn’t because he couldn’t handle my family’s drama or hardship but because he wanted to be more than just my friend. Which only managed to piss me off. “Wait, let me get this straight. You wanted to be more than my friend and you knew that wasn’t what I wanted, so you decided that our friendship wasn’t worth it?”

Buck nodded. “Yeah, and I’m sorry, it was stupid of me, but I couldn’t handle it. I didn’t know what to do.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Oh, you knew what to do all right. You abandoned me during the hardest time in my life because you had a crush. How noble of you.” I rolled my eyes and made another move to get out, but Buck’s hand tightened around my arm. “If you’re not going to help me get him out then I’ll just do it myself. He’s in trouble Buck, I have to go so stop—”

“Thia,” Bucky interrupted, putting his hand up.

“What?” I asked, blowing out a frustrated breath at his interruption.

He quirked an eyebrow at me and searched my face. “You really don’t know, do you?” Buck asked.

“Know what?”

“This whole time I thought you were lying to me. Trying to get me to do something for you but I couldn’t figure out what. I didn’t think you didn’t know though.”

“Know what, Buck?” I repeated.

“Bear, or whatever you call him. He’s not in jail. He’s out. He’s been out.”

“What?” A weight started to lift off my shoulders…until it crashed back down on me with more force than ever. “No, that can’t be true. He would of…”

“It’s true. And he didn’t,” Buck quipped, cutting me off. He leaned back, the leather seat creaking underneath him.

I wanted nothing more than to punch the smug look off his face.

“How long?” I asked, my disappointment quickly turning to anger. I tightened my grip on the door handle once more. Any harder and I’d be snapping it off.

Buck shrugged. “Just about two weeks or so. Case was dismissed. The DA botched the paperwork. The signed confession went missing along with pretty much all of the evidence collected at the scene. Finger prints, even the two guns. Something tells me that lawyer lady had something to do with it. I did some research on her. This wasn’t the first case she was involved in where evidence magically disappeared and it’s not like…”

Buck’s voice faded off into the distance. The only words I registered were playing over and over again in my head. An echo of TWO WEEKS. I was going to be sick.

Bear was out. Free.

He was okay.

I took a deep breath.