Soulless (Lawless #2)(10)
It hurt that he didn’t tell me what his plan was although I understand why he didn’t tell me.
He knew there was no way in hell I would have let him do it. If I would have known, I would have driven to the sheriff’s station and beat him to the confession.
It’s not like I loved him from the moment I first laid eyes on him. No, I was a just a kid, but I was infatuated. Something inside me changed that day. It may not have been love, but more like an extension of myself walked through that door. From that day on, with Bear’s skull ring tucked under my shirt, it was like I could breathe.
Like I was complete.
I’d reached for Bear’s ring every time Erin Flemming bullied me in the fifth grade, and I drew strength from it on the day I’d finally had enough and socked her square in the stomach. I was sent home from school and didn’t even flinch when my mother grounded me for a month.
It had been totally worth it.
I’d rubbed it for good luck before my shooting matches. I still held the record for most blue-ribbons in three counties. And late at night, I laid in my little twin bed, and held it against my lips, wishing it could somehow make my parents stop fighting.
Even after I learned that the promise I’d been wearing around my neck for eight year’s was an empty one, I was no less elated when Bear had given it back to me.
I pulled the ring out of my shirt and looked down at the one eyed skull. The light of the moon reflected off the diamond, making it look as if it were winking up at me.
The longer Bear was in jail, the more likely it was that he was never coming back out, yet no one would tell me exactly what it was I was supposed to be waiting for.
My heart twisted and bile rose in my throat, the whiskey burned its way back up just as it had burned on the way down.
I couldn’t linger on that thought. I couldn’t let my mind go there.
But I couldn’t just wait either.
Promise me that no matter what, you won’t give up on me. Promise me, Ti.
Fuck waiting.
I launched the bottle into the air with a guttural roar. It spun around and around until landing in the bay with a splash, causing a ripple in the glass-like surface of the water. By the time the ripple reached the boat, I decided that although I trusted Bear, there was no way in hell I was just going to sit back and let his fate rest in the hands of others. I was going to do something at the very first opportunity.
I just had to figure out what exactly that something was.
CHAPTER SIX
Thia
I’m in Bear’s apartment. It’s late. Too late for the burner phone on the nightstand to be ringing. I roll over and answer it. “Hello,” I say, my voice scratchy and rough from sleep. I clear my throat and the voice on the other end chuckles.
Chills break out down my spine and I sit straight up in bed.
“Baby, it’s me. Don’t say a f*cking thing. Just let me talk. There is so much I need to say to you but I don’t know where to f*cking start. I’ll just start with this. I think about you. Even though it’s only been hours I miss you more than I’ve ever missed anything. I never knew what missing anything even meant until now. I don’t know when we are going to be able to talk again, so I wanted to tell you all of this now, while I still can. Are you still there, Ti?”
“Yes,” I say breathlessly. “Yes, I’m here.”
“I love the way you moan when I make you come. I love the way you get wet just from hearing my voice. But I’m also going to miss the way you chew the ends of your hair when you don’t know what to say. I’ll miss the way you look at me like you’re trying to figure me out, when really I’m a simple guy, I’m usually just thinking about how f*cking gorgeous you are and how to get you naked. I’ll miss the way you always say you’re never hungry when I ask, but then eat half of whatever it is I’m eating. I’ll just miss you. I do miss you. I miss the way you make me feel like a person of the world, instead of a problem in it.
“Until you, I felt like nothing. I was nothing. You gave me everything and I plan to do the same for you. You’re too good for me, but I plan to make that up to you with how good I’m going to be for you. With you. Because of you.
I remain silent as I was told, but I can’t silence the tears forming in my eyes.
“The world was dark and you turned on the f*cking light switch and now it’s so bright, I’m walking around blind. I’m in f*cking jail…and I’ve never been happier. How f*cking ridiculous is that? I sound like such a *, but in case something happens to me, I just thought you should know all this. You NEED to know all of this.”
“I—” Bear cuts me off.
“No, no talking. I’m crouched in a corner of the most disgusting bathroom I’ve ever been in, in the middle of the night, talking on a burner phone I fished out of an air conditioning vent, so please, Ti, just listen.”
I nod as if he can hear it.
“I have a confession. Every time we’ve f*cked, I’ve come inside of you. I’ve been in here for months, longer than you and I’ve been…well, whatever we’ve been. I’ll be really f*cking disappointed if you’re not pregnant. If and when I get out of here, I plan on fixing that. I plan on filling you with so much of me that you have no f*cking choice but to carry my kid.