Something in the Way (Something in the Way #1)(71)

She skimmed her forearms back and forth over the surface as she blinked up at the sky, a small smile on her lips. “Show it to me again. Summer Triangle.”

“No,” I clipped. When either of us moved, the water echoed in the otherwise dead-quiet. “I know what you’re doing. I don’t . . . you think I want to go back?” I asked. “I don’t, but we have to.”

She turned on me, her euphoric expression replaced with frustration. “Why can’t you just stop being an adult for a minute?”

“Because I am the adult. One of us has to be.”

She closed her mouth, her jaw tight, and dove headfirst into the water.

The lake swallowed her without even a burp. She disappeared completely. I took a step. Then another. I couldn’t see her. Couldn’t see anything but a ripple here and then there, near and then far. I turned in circles, heat rising up my chest while my legs froze, my breath getting short. “Lake?” I raised my voice. “Stop it.”

I tried to push Maddy out of my mind. This wasn’t the same, Lake was just having fun. But Maddy’d been so alive when I’d last seen her and just minutes later, completely lifeless. The image had haunted me so long, was always waiting in the back of my mind, even during the best of times. I’d had to put my mouth on my sister’s and feel nothing, breathe into nothing.

Seconds ticked by. My lungs wouldn’t expand. I would’ve gone in after her if I’d had any clue where she was. She’d been under at least ten seconds and could’ve swum anywhere. “Lake,” I yelled, angry. I thrust my hands under, grasping for anything. Something slippery brushed against my leg. “Goddamn it. Lake!”

She popped up five feet from me, giggling, the slight moon turning her into a glittering, fluorescent mermaid.

“What’s gotten into you?” I asked. Rage vibrated every bone in my body. “Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out here?”

She floated on her back, unapologetic, teeth chattering. “I know you wouldn’t let anything happen to me.”

It shook my confidence, hearing that. She thought I could save her. The truth was, if I wanted to or not, I couldn’t protect her from everything. Especially not this. But to explain why, I’d have to bring her into a memory I never shared if I could help it. I’d already had to recount it enough times to the police and jury to break any man.

She spread her arms. Her tits poked through the surface, two white, wet, cotton peaks pointing to the stars. My hands shook, my body, too. Seeing how calm and open she was, my instinct was to go to her, to say fuck it for one night. Lake wasn’t as confident as she pretended to be. Her inexperience showed in her every move. One touch, and she’d dissolve into a trembling mess. Wouldn’t it be best if that first touch came from someone who cared? Who’d worship her? I knew what I was doing, when to be gentle and when to not, and I would do it at her pace.

I’d been trying not to see her since I’d returned her bracelet. As a child, I’d been warned by my mom against looking directly at an eclipse. I feared the same was true for Lake. How did I come off to others when I looked at her? As captivated as I felt? Adoring? Enamored? I didn’t want to be looking at her that way. Someone could notice. People became suddenly more perceptive about these things—a grown man intently watching a young girl. Especially one like Lake, who was on the verge of beautiful.

But tonight, nobody was around.

Fuck. I turned around, shielding my eyes, even though it was too late for that. I couldn’t look. It was killing me.

Hard as it was, I walked out of the water.

“You’re just going to leave me here?” she asked.

Never.

But I had to. I put one foot in front of the other, fought every urge to turn back, just to make sure she didn’t sink under. She’d given me no choice. I was going to make an even bigger mistake than I already had just by letting myself get into this situation. I passed her rumpled clothing, got as far as the trees, but, unable to breathe without keeping my eyes on her, I turned and looked back. I tensed when I couldn’t find her but a few seconds later, my eyes adjusted. On shore, she put her clothes back on. Once I was certain she wouldn’t be getting back in the lake, I went to the truck, found some greasy towels behind the seats, and wiped myself down. I sat and watched through the windshield. I couldn’t even bring myself to turn on the heater or music.

After a few minutes, she trudged back up to the passenger’s side door.

“What do you want me to do?” she asked when I looked over, her window still partly down. “I’m wet.”

Her nipples were hard, so I averted my eyes and passed her a towel. It was dirty but better than being soaked. Once she’d dried herself a little, she climbed into the cab.

I put the key in the ignition, but the engine only turned over. “Great.” I pounded my fist against the steering wheel. “That’s just fucking great.”

The whole bench shook with her shivering. “I’m sorry,” she said.

Even though she faced me, her shoulder and half her back were pressed up against the door, as far away from me as she could get. She looked so small and breakable, tucked into the corner, the opposite of how she’d acted just a few minutes ago. In her lap, she wrung her hands around something. She breathed audibly, maybe trying not to cry. In. Out. In. Out. The t-shirt clung to her breasts, outlining them, the only two wet spots.