Soldier Mine (Sons of War #2)(42)

The decorations cheer me up. In a place like this, after my phone call today, I can feel the exhilaration and magic of the holiday in a way I haven’t since I was a kid. Though I still can’t quite determine what I feel.

Giddiness.

Fear.

Hope.

Hugging myself, I continue, afraid of joining the crowds. I’m not that brave yet, despite the knowledge that we can stay here, if we want to. Todd and I can go home or move somewhere else or … whatever we want.

It’s over.

I want to scream out of emotion and instead, grow a little intimidated when I peer into yet another room with two clumps of people. Six are gathered around a hearth, laughing and talking, including Petr.

My heart nearly leaps out of my chest at the sight of him. He’s surrounded by men who look a lot like him: military haircuts and muscular frames. He’s smiling and happy, his features glowing as he seems to be engaged in some sort of animated story that has his friends in stitches.

Petr has a life filled with all kinds of people. Todd may have been joking about insecurity, but a flicker of it slides through me. Who am I, a newcomer who blows him off, to the people he’s known all his life? To old girlfriends from college or the sons and daughters of other wealthy people?

I don’t like the self-doubt. It’s not normal for me. I also must acknowledge the prospect that I’ve pushed him away often enough that he may no longer be interested in me, now that I have the ability to give him the time of day.

I almost laugh at myself. The irony of my situation isn’t lost on me, nor is the guilt at knowing I might’ve lost him because I was too afraid to take a chance before.

He doesn’t notice me. Catching myself staring, I continue on towards the kitchen and arrive to discover the food tables start in the hallway outside the massive cooking space. The adjacent sunroom is packed with tables laden with food as well, and I wade through the delicious treats and entrees towards the scene behind the house.

There are bonfires everywhere on the veranda, large fire pits blaze with flames taller than I am. They’re surrounded by sitting areas. Beyond the space, a path running along the property line is lit by bright Christmas lights.

Their backyard has been converted into a winder wonderland. There’s a snow maze at the center, hayrides going around the property, an ice skating rink, and a cocoa station at the foot of the stairs of the veranda. People are everywhere, though not as many as attended the Thanksgiving feast.

I laugh. For once, I don’t care if everyone around me thinks I’m crazy, but I’ve never seen anything so spectacular or beautiful in my life.

“Claudia!” I turn at Anton’s gruff voice. He has a cup of strong smelling cinnamon-apple cider in hand. “I am pleased you came.”

“It’s good to see you, Anton,” I reply with a smile. I creep closer to the nearest bonfire instinctively as a cold blast of winter air hits me. “This is amazing!”

“Wait until you see the reindeer.” He starts forward. “Come!”

I hesitate. He’s wearing a coat, but mine is hanging in the coatroom. Not wanting to disappoint him, I trail anyway, shivering when we leave the veranda. He leads me down a lit path towards an area off to the side where a simple wooden fence corrals five of the reindeer he’s so proud of. They have a small barn behind them.

“Real reindeer!” Anton proclaims and stands aside, sweeping his arm towards the animals. “They are on loan for Christmas.”

“They’re beautiful!” I murmur and approach the railing. There’s a bucket of apples on my side. I reach in to grab one and hold it out to the nearest animal.

At once, all five crowd around. Soft muzzles and warm puffs of breath brush across my hands. I reach down for more apples. Delighted by the sight and softness of their fur, I grin.

“I finished your secret project,” I tell him over my shoulder. “I brought it with me to show you.”

“Did you see your other projects?” he asks with a mischievous smile.

“I did coming in. It’s awesome to see them brought to life like this.”

“There are more on the trees and on the family floor and all the guest rooms.”

Pleased by the fact he really did like them, I trace my fingers down the furry neck of one reindeer, awed by the thickness of the downy coat. I’m shaking from cold but too enamored by the animals to care.

“Baba, you dragged her out in the cold with no coat on,” Petr chides his father.

My awareness of everything heightens to the point I feel like I might shatter. For a few seconds, I forget to breathe. My heart slams into my chest like a jackhammer. Since talking to Simon, I’ve tried over and over to think of what to say to Petr when I saw him again, how to tell him I’m ready for that dinner without sounding … weird. Or desperate. Or too eager.

A reindeer nipping my fingers breaks the spell, and I bend down for another apple.

“I’m all right,” I say through chattering teeth.

His scent sweeps over me, accompanied by a jacket warmed by his body heat. He drapes his coat over my shoulders. I shiver for a different reason, start to object, then sink into the warmth.

“And you should’ve called me to pick you up,” Petr chides me.

“We are both in trouble now,” Anton says, amused. “I will leave you to sort this out.” I hear the snow crunch beneath his feet as he leaves.