Soldier Mine (Sons of War #2)(36)

It takes all my will power not to snap at her. My patience and temper are both fried after the visit to Orion. I hear her message, and it strikes me that it’s the same one she uses often. Whatever it is she was doing didn’t work out, so she’s settling for me. I’m a backup, a failsafe.

I’m tired of this cycle. There’s no reason for me to settle for being second pick. I can’t help thinking of Claudia. Our single kiss and the five minutes a day we spend together may be all I ever have, but I’d rather take the chance on Claudia than remain Brianna’s backup.

“That’s not good enough for me anymore, Brianna,” I reply softly. “I’m sorry, but there is no us and hasn’t been for quite some time. I’ve let this go on too far. We’re done, Brianna. I wish you well and happy.”

And then I hang up.

It’s not like me to be so abrupt, especially with someone I’ve known since I was in primary school. I can’t help it today. I’m raw and tired of the tiny voice telling me I deserve to be in Orion’s place instead of happy.

Seeing him reminds me of his sacrifice – but also that I was given a second chance. Playing second fiddle to Brianna isn’t a wise use of the gift Orion, Mikael and the others gave me. I’ll probably call her back when I’m in a better mental state to let her know I’m serious but apologize for the delivery. I really don’t have it in me to care, not when I’m knee deep in memories at the moment.

Closing my eyes, I let my thoughts drift and the dark emotions emerge, if only for a short time.

At the one-hour mark, I reign in my mind and make my way back to the ward where Todd is.

When I arrive, there’s a small crowd around Lance consisting of four other service members. I can’t read Todd’s expression. He seems torn between unease and figuring out if he should laugh when the others do.

I join them quietly and wait for a break in their storytelling before moving into the circle. “Ready to go?” I ask Todd. “It’ll take twice as long with the snow to make it to our next stop.”

He nods and stands. With some gravity, he thanks each man for his service and shakes everyone’s hands.

We leave the hospital for the parking lot surrounded by mounds of snow. Todd is quiet, which doesn’t surprise me. My mind is on Orion.

We get into the truck. It’s a good ten minutes before I force myself out of the deep thoughts and glance at Todd. “You doing okay?”

“I think so.”

“What’s on your mind?”

“I’m not really sure.” He’s quiet for a moment. “I guess I can’t believe they survived. I don’t know how they’re … happy. Or at least, not angry.”

“It takes a lot of work on yourself to let go of the past.”

“I don’t know how they can let go of it, Petr.”

“You either let go and make a new life, take the chance to be happy, or you become entrenched in the past and end up miserable,” I say with a shrug. “That’s how I see it.”

“Can you tell Claudia that?”

“What’s bothering you, Todd?”

“Nothing.” There’s another silence before he breaks once more. “I don’t want to lose you. Or Maya. Or … here.”

“Why would you?”

“Because I always do. Because we always leave.”

I tread carefully. I burn to know the siblings’ secret but I don’t want to disrespect Claudia by prying the information out of Todd. It’s a miserable place to be. “Assuming that’s the case, you won’t lose me,” I assure him. “I’ll always be a phone call away.”

“I don’t want you to be a phone call away!” His emotional outburst is sudden and loud. “Petr, I want to stay here! I want to go to school with the other kids, graduate and be normal for once, and I want you to marry my sister so we can be a family!”

My grip on the steering wheel tightens. He’s circling his sore point and stabbing mine. “Does your sister know how you feel?”

He slumps. “I don’t know. Maybe. It doesn’t matter if she does. When he finds us, we have to move again.”

“Who?” I can’t help the question.

“The Monster. He always comes.” Fear enters his voice. “Sergeant Henderson showed me pictures of what happened to him. It’s what happened to Claudia last time.”

Sergeant Henderson was taken hostage for half a day, beaten near death and had his bones broken to the point his arm no longer functions right. I don’t need to imagine the wounds to see them in my head.

It sickens me to see Claudia’s face in place of the sergeant’s.

“Claudia was supposed to marry this crazy guy four years ago. He’s totally psycho. He won’t leave us alone. Everywhere we go, he finds us. The cops won’t do anything but throw him in jail for thirty days. It’s long enough for us to escape but he always … he always comes back.” Todd is distressed, his fear palpable and his features tortured. “He always hurts her and he hurt me twice. Last time he almost killed her ‘cuz she was trying to protect me.”

“The police can’t help you?”

“No. Our lawyer tried so many times … Claud says we have to wait. The feds are putting together a case against him and will throw him in jail for twenty years. But until then we have to run,” he whispers. “I’m so tired of it. I want to stay here with you.”