Slow Hand (Hot Cowboy Nights, #1)(52)

“How could you blame yourself? It wasn’t your fault!”

“Wasn’t it? Deep down, I always knew she was still his and being honest, that’s probably why I wanted her so bad. And Dirk probably wouldn’t have reenlisted—wouldn’t have lost his leg, if I hadn’t married her. I might not carry all the blame, but a good chunk of it sits rightfully on my shoulders.”

They pulled into the motel parking lot. Wade cut the engine. They sat in silence.

“How did you quit drinking?” she finally asked. “Family intervention?”

“Intervention?” Wade laughed outright. “Yeah, I guess you could call it that since Dirk’s fist intervened with my body—multiple times. He laid me out flat for a week with three cracked ribs, a punctured lung, and a busted-up face.”

“That was why he broke your nose?”

Her question seemed to break the tension.

Wade rubbed the hump with a laugh. “Yeah. It’s a bad idea to piss off a Marine, even one missing a leg. On the bright side, the time I spent in the hospital dried me out. Shortly after that incident, my father had his heart attack. My brother and I have had a tenuous truce ever since.”

“It doesn’t look much like a truce.”

“No,” he agreed. “Not lately. The problems started up again when I decided to try and unload the ranch. I don’t want it and the folks can’t handle it anymore, but Dirk, stubborn ass that he is, won’t give in. That’s why Allie came today, Nikki. She has an offer—a very respectable offer. It was also the reason I was in Denver a few days ago, but it all came apart at the last minute. Allie blamed me and we had a major falling out over it.”

“So you were romantically involved with Allie?”

“Romantically? No. There was nothing remotely ‘romantic’ about our relationship. Ever. We were always business associates first and occasional bedmates second. That’s how it was. Always. It was convenient, but it was never more than sex.”

“Maybe that’s how it was for you, but I think it’s more than that where she’s concerned.”

“Regardless of what she may have insinuated, it’s exactly how I told you it is, Nikki. I was OK with that for a long time—emotionally detached sex. Maybe it was what I needed at the time, or maybe I just didn’t know any better. But now I do. And now you have the whole ugly truth.”

Nikki sat there stunned, barely able to digest all he’d told her. His story—the pain and guilt he carried, placing his own desires second to his family’s needs. She couldn’t believe how wrong she’d been about him, about everything.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I had no idea about any of this.”

“How could you? But I’m not looking for your pity, Nicole. I just thought you needed to know.” He paused. “No. Let me rephrase that, I needed you to know.”

“Why?”

“Why? Because we’re damn good together.”

Her chest tightened until it was hard to breathe. But then she mentally corrected him by filling in the two words he’d obviously left out—In. Bed.

In her heart she wanted to believe this was really turning into something special, but how could it be anything more than infatuation? He was smart, successful, responsible, and self-sacrificing to a fault. His love and affection for his family were obvious and genuine, and his charm and sex appeal were off the meter. Wade was so far out of her league that she couldn’t even fathom what he saw in her—which also meant it couldn’t possibly work.

Moments later he walked her to the door with a long and lingering goodnight kiss, a kiss that promised more that she’d ever dreamed, but she reminded herself it was only a dream. As wonderful as this felt right now, she knew not to trust it. They’d only know each other a few days. How many times had she thrown herself into a relationship only to live with regret later? Besides that, they lived two thousand miles apart. Nikki swore not to torture herself with impossible hopes, and to accept this thing with Wade for the short-term fling that it inevitably was.

*

With reluctance, Wade left Nikki alone at the motel. It was damned hard not to coerce her back into bed when he’d walked her to the door. Maybe if he’d brought a change of clothes he would have stayed, but they both needed sleep, and he sure as hell needed some perspective.

He’d already lost his head over her. He didn’t know what had possessed him to walk out on Allie when she’d brought a multimillion dollar deal with her. He’d never done anything so irresponsible—at least not since he’d sobered up. But for the first time in years he’d shoved his responsibilities and worries aside in single-minded pursuit of what he wanted.

He’d been so wrapped up in Nikki that he’d forgotten everything else, but now he worried about the repercussions as he drove back to the ranch. He hoped to hell Allie was still waiting there. Maybe he’d pissed her off so bad she’d gone back to Denver. Any other woman probably would have after the way he’d left her standing there, but then again this was Allie, and Allie was all about business. It was the biggest reason he’d never entertained the thought of marriage with her.

If he ever did remarry—not that he’d given any thought to ever taking that step again—he wanted a soul mate, not a business partner, a woman to complement, rather than compete with him. He wanted the yin to his yang, someone spontaneous and genuine, someone like Nikki, who warmed his insides as well as his bed.