Sinner's Steel (Sinner's Tribe Motorcycle Club #3)(73)
He shook his head and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “He was right but it hurt to hear it and I wanted to hurt him back. So I told him I knew about him. I knew all the things he did.”
Evie’s voice dropped to a whisper. “What things?”
Zane clenched his hands in his pockets, forced himself to go on. “He was a dirty cop, Evie. He came to my dad’s trailer to buy drugs and he transported them over the state line. But he also dealt in arms, and stolen goods. He did dirty work for some of the dealers. Basically, he was on the take. For years.” He opened his mouth and closed it again. He couldn’t tell her about the hookers and how her dad spent his time and dirty money while she waited for him at home, looking after her mother, thinking he was out saving the world.
“You knew all that time?”
“I knew but I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t hurt you that way. You loved him so much. He made you happy. I couldn’t take that from you. And he loved you. I knew that when he said I wasn’t good enough for you, when he warned me away.”
Her face paled, eyes growing wide, darkening in a way he’d never seen before. And before he was even aware he’d taken a step, he was sitting on the bed with Evie in his arms. “You want me to keep going?”
“There’s more?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. There’s more.”
Evie shuddered against his chest. “Keep going.”
He pulled her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “I got away and ran to the trailer. My old man was there. He saw my face and figured I’d got into a fight. Told me I was good for nothing. Twice in one night. I’d been sticking around because of you but I’d had enough. I figured I’d convince you to run away with me. I’d find us a place in Missoula while you were going to college, take odd jobs to support us … I packed my bag and told the old man I wouldn’t be back. But when I stepped outside, your dad was there.”
She fisted his shirt like she needed to hold on, so he stroked his hand down her back, over and over again as he fell back into that night. “I knew why he was there when I saw the gun.”
Silence. But he’d expected that, dredging up memories he was sure she had buried forever. So he held her like he should have held her that night, instead of running off and leaving her to deal with her dad’s death alone. “He said he couldn’t take the risk that I’d tell you what was going on. He was afraid you’d go to the cops because you were such a f*cking good person. He loved you but he didn’t understand love. He needed you to think he was a hero because he knew he was a piece of shit.”
“Oh, God,” she whispered. “I think my mother knew. Some of the things she said … I think that’s why she started drinking.”
“He was acting crazy that night, Evie.” Zane held her tight, as much for him as for her. “I think he was so afraid of losing you he wasn’t thinking straight. He said he had to protect you from scum like me. My dad heard what was going on and came out of the trailer with a gun. Told your dad to leave me alone. I was so shocked my old man was standing up for me, I didn’t see your dad pull the trigger. But my dad did. He threw himself in front of me and took the bullet.” He drew in a shuddering breath. “Then everything was a blur. I ran at your dad, pounded on him ’till he was down. Then I ran back to check on my old man. Your dad came at us with the gun. His f*cking eyes were wild. I reached for my dad’s weapon…”
“No, Zane.” Tears streaked Evie’s cheeks. “No, don’t tell me. I changed my mind.”
“I’m gonna tell you sweetheart ‘cause I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you. I should have told you before, but I didn’t want to hurt you. But now I know how strong you are. Stronger than me.”
Evie leaned up, brushed a kiss over her lips. “We’re strong together.”
Damn, what a woman. But she was wrong about being strong together. He’d never met anyone like Evie. She’d gone through hell and come out of it unscathed, made a life for herself and his son, and still saw joy in the world. “My old man grabbed his gun off me.” He spoke quickly now, desperate to get it done. “He told me once I killed someone there was no going back. He said he’d been no dad to me but he knew he wasn’t going to make it and he wanted to do one thing for me before he died. He wanted just one time to be a good dad. Then he pulled the trigger.”
A shudder ran through his body, ripping him apart. That was the night he’d been consumed by darkness. The night he lost the light.
They hugged each other. Held each other. Her hand on his back. His hand in her hair.
“A coupla neighbors came out of their trailers and started shouting that I killed the sheriff,” he said, once he could breathe again. “My prints were on the gun. My tracks were everywhere. I had your dad’s words in my head that I was nothing. I panicked. I figured they’d want to put someone in jail and since my old man was dead it was gonna be me. I was an easy target and once they had a scapegoat they wouldn’t look for the truth. I had no faith in the system. I didn’t think anyone would believe a trailer kid. So I ran. And the further I got, the more it made sense to leave you alone, let you have a good life. Then the darkness took over, Evie, and I was lost until Jagger found me.” He tilted her head back and met her gaze. “That’s the truth of it.”