Siege (As the World Dies #3)(82)

“But I figure that in this world, you gotta just take your chance at happiness. So I got up the guts to do that. Besides, I guess we are all walking around with some survivor guilt. I feel it now. Looking at these people. I mean the fort hasn’t been a cake walk, but we sure as hell had it better than these folks.”

Jenni slowly ate, looking at the people around her. They were muted. Shadows. People powered down and living on what remained of their energy. “This rumor about the Senator taking over the fort,” Jenni started slowly as she stirred her meal.



“I bet it’s real. It won’t happen though. Can’t. Notice how the high and mightys live up on the second floor? That shit won’t work with us. I can’t see it happening.”

“The military though,” Jenni said softly.

Bill sighed softly. “I know.”

They fell into silence for a few minutes, eating slowly.

“Since coming here, I have been thinking a lot about the first day,” Jenni said at last.

Bill looked at her curiously.

“My children died,” Jenni said, her gaze straying to the playground where too-thin kids played with stifled energy. “I didn’t fight to save my son Mikey. I just ran. I can’t explain what I was thinking, I just ran. I wanted to get away, survive. I know that much. But I ended up outside of my house, with the front door closed and Mikey…” Bill touched her hand gently, trying to soothe her.



“I heard him die, Bill. I heard it. I heard him screaming ‘Mommy’ and I didn’t go back in.” There she had said it. Admitted it. She had admitted it to herself and someone else. It felt like something large, inky, and horrible broke inside her.

“There is nothing you could have done,” Bill said softly. Jenni tried hard not to cry as she ran her hand over her long hair. “I know that, but I didn’t even try. I didn’t know what was even happening, but when I heard those horrible noises, I didn’t move. I just stood there.” She looked around at the people, noting that Amy sat nearby with her children eating. “How can I possibly ever make up for that?’



“You’ve gone out and rescued people. You’ve done a lot.”

Jenni sighed, wiping a tear away. “I just…Bill, maybe this is survivor’s guilt, but sometimes, especially now, I feel I should be the one who died.”

Bill enfolded her in a big bear hug, holding her tightly. “Jenni, you’re a good girl. You’ve done lots of brave things. Just because you didn’t act the way you wished you had that doesn’t make you a bad person. Hell, it’s damn lucky any of us are alive. It all went to shit so fast.”

Jenni snuggled into Bill’s warm shoulder and whispered back, “I just feel so guilty.” “Well, don’t. You got a fine boy waiting for you back at the fort and Juan loves you something awful. We’ll get the hell out of here and get these people to a good life. You deserve it as much as anyone.” Bill gave her a gruff kiss on the cheek and let her go.

Jenni forced a smile, looking around. “I even feel kinda guilty for having been at the fort and not here.”



Bill frowned at her. “Jenni, stop that.”

Jenni pouted at him then said, “Seriously, Bill. What if I was supposed to die that day? What does that say about my life now?”

“That you got a second chance.” Bill shook his head. “Or maybe you were supposed to survive that day so you could help rescue all these people.”

Jenni considered this. “You think so?” Her dream returned vividly to her mind.

“Why not? If destiny…fate…whatever has anything to do with our lives, then maybe this is what you were supposed to live to do.” Thinking back on her dream about Lydia, Jenni remembered what she had said about choices made and not made. She was Catholic. She believed in things greater than herself. She believed in the mysteries of the spiritual, therefore, she truly believed Lydia had come to her.



Lydia had said she would soon be afraid and she was now very afraid. She could feel the great clock of fate ticking downward. She knew soon she would face a difficult choice. She hoped she would make the right one and that she would get back to Juan and Jason.

“I guess you’re right. I mean...I made the choice to leave home at seventeen and move in with my grandma. I made the choice to work at Pizza Hut where I met Lloyd. I was married and pregnant with Mikey at eighteen. Was a friendless trophy wife for years. And then it all went to hell. I screamed. Katie found me...then...It’s kinda like all these choices I made just...” Jenni waved her hand. “They landed me here.”

“To save these folks maybe.” Bill shrugged. “Kinda weird seeing all that coming together, huh?”

“I just hope we can get these people to a better life,” Jenni said with a sigh. “We just got the military and zombies standing in our way,” Bill decided. “Piece of cake.”

As they finished eating, they heard the sound of the helicopter returning. Its shadow filled the food court as it flew over the enormous skylight, then it settled down somewhere beyond the mall’s walls.



Jenni stood up to turn in her bowl and spoon to the cleanup crew. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Turning, Jenni saw the handsome black soldier walking in with a few other people. The bowl and spoon clattered to the floor when she saw Katie and Travis among them.