She, the Kingdom (She #1)(23)

“That’s understandable.” I lay back again, looking at the ceiling. Max returned to lulling himself to sleep. Instead of reaching for my book, I just waited for Max to close his eyes. Just as his head fell against my thigh, I felt myself drift off, my eyes so heavy I couldn’t lift them long enough see Max’s hair, or the outline of his shoulders, or even take one last look at his flawless body against my skin. For half a second, I worried that this was why Sophie had begged for someone else to take over—that nodding off with Max between my legs wasn’t true rest, and that by week’s end, I would be exhausted. That, or the stress of losing my job and being hired for a new one in the same week, the exhilaration of the sign-on bonus and first check being enough to pay off most of my bills, and then the anxiety of my strange duties as Max’s unconventional therapist was all catching up to me.

*

In the still darkness, I turned over onto my side, remembering in the moment that Max’s head was between my legs. I maneuvered around him, trying to get comfortable. It was a relief to put my legs in a different position. Seconds later, Max crawled up behind me, draping his arm over my middle. I froze, wondering if I should remind him where he was and who he was with. I wasn’t sure if it was against the rules or not. Each of his breaths were slow and deep, so I decided to honor my purpose in our arrangement and simply let him doze however he was most comfortable. I drifted in and out, finally falling into a deep sleep as the sun began to paint pinks and blues, using the night sky as its canvas.

A car slowing in front of the house brought me back to the surface, and for a brief second, headlights flashed through the windows. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, and then padded over to the window, tightening the belt of my robe.

“What is it?” Max asked, barely awake. I looked over my shoulder, seeing him sit up. For the first time, I could see him in nothing but his boxers, sitting on my bed. It was such an intimate way to see someone, and immediately I had to remember our situation.

“Someone is parked across the street. A van. I don’t recognize it.”

Max stood up, immediately standing between me and the window. I cupped his shoulder to peer over him, and even though it seemed I could have been crossing a line, Max patted my hand. “Looks like a utility van. Must have an early morning appointment. Nothing to worry about.”

I returned to bed, lying on my side and adjusting against the pillow until I was comfortable. Max covered me with a throw and smiled. “Did you sleep well?”

“I could use a few more hours.”

He glanced at the clock on the night stand. “Me, too.”

“Should we,” I hesitated. “Talk about sleeping arrangements? Is what we did last night okay?”

Max sat next to me on the bed. “We didn’t do that. I did that, and I apologize. If it makes you uncomfortable, it won’t happen again.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head against the pillow. “I just wasn’t sure if you’d forgotten where you were.”

“Just getting comfortable. That’s the point, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Of course. I’m just not confident with all of the rules just yet.”

He stood. “I’d better start home. You’re right. If I’m going to cuddle with someone while I sleep, it should be Sophie.”

I nodded, feeling hurt for half a second before feeling a flash of anger that I felt that way. Of course Max should cuddle with his wife. Of course he should go home to her.

“Are you all right?” he asked, taking a step forward. He’d only managed to put on his shorts and shoes. Walking around in my bedroom half-naked was only making things more confusing, but I wasn’t sure how to fix it. It would have been so much easier if he was the demanding, arrogant * I thought he was.

“I’m fine,” I said, leaning back, away from his touch.

“Have I done something to offend you?”

“No. I’m just trying to remain professional and your behavior is making it difficult.”

His eyebrows pulled together, forming two lines between them. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean that I’m aware of our agreement. The sessions are working out well. I can see improvement from the way you looked the first day we met until now.”

“I’m so relieved,” he said, sincere.

“But you being so gentle, and caring, and… it’s only the second night. I’m reminding myself often that your concern comes from a place of professional courtesy. But it’s… confusing.”

“How so?”

I sank back, knowing honesty would make me feel vulnerable. He could judge me, but I had to be braver than that. I had to do whatever it took to make our arrangement work. “It feels like more.”

“I understand,” he said, the wheels in his mind spinning. “Let me think on that. I’ll try to find a solution. I don’t think behaving in a cold and callous manner is appropriate, but you’re right. It’s a situation where there must be balance.”

I nodded. “Thank you for understanding.”

“The last thing I want is for you to be confused about my feelings.”

I sunk back, drawn into the cycle of hurt and anger all over again. “Have a good day.”

He seemed hesitant to leave, as if he wanted to work this out before, but I wasn’t his wife. I was a contract hire, and he didn’t have to work things out with me. He just had to pacify me so our working environment was positive.