Sharp Shootin' Cowboy (Hot Cowboy Nights, #3)(19)

She still couldn’t deny her attraction to Reid, but it could never be enough to overcome their incompatibility. Nevertheless, late that night, in the darkest and loneliest hours, it wasn’t thoughts of Jeffrey, but a tall cowboy with sky-blue eyes that heated her body and haunted her dreams.

*

Dubois, Wyoming, the same night

Reid had stepped outside to escape the sudden crushing sensation in his chest. He’d never suffered claustrophobia before, but the music, the laughter, the smells, and the questions he wasn’t ready to answer were like sensory overload. His family all just carried on like normal, but he couldn’t. He almost wished he hadn’t come home. It was just too much, too soon after his deployment.

He sucked in a breath, filling his lungs with frosty air and then shut his eyes in a silent prayer for all the guys who’d never see another Christmas. Bravo company had arrived in Kuwait with 185 men; a quarter of them would never return to their families. His platoon had been among those hit the hardest. They’d accomplished their mission but had paid a heavy price in blood.

He took a long swig of his beer.

A moment later he’d dialed his phone. He hadn’t even thought about it. He’d just wanted to hear her voice. The conversation was short, even a bit terse. He’d felt her resistance about seeing him again, but in the end she hadn’t actually said no. He pocketed his phone with a smile.

“Hey you! The party’s inside.” Tonya sat down beside him, drink in hand. She rested the other one on his thigh. Her touch and voice were light, as if testing the waters.

He tensed slightly but couldn’t think of a tactful way to get away from her.

“Who was that on the phone?” she asked.

“A friend.” He decided just to play it cool. Tonya wasn’t dumb. She’d eventually get the hint.

Her black brows arched, but she didn’t press that line of questioning. Instead, she tilted her head skyward and released a long sigh. “I love the cold weather, don’t you? It lights up the night. The sky seems darker, and the stars more intense. And I love the snow too, walking in it, skiing on it, and even catching the flakes on my tongue. Did you miss it much, Reid?”

“Yes, I did. I hate the desert.”

“Then why did you go? Your family’s outfitting business is doing well. Better than well. There’s a whole new lot of oil barons coming in from the Dakotas.”

“I’m doing what I was called to do. If you don’t understand that by now, you never will.”

She shrugged. “I was hoping you’d be back for Christmas. We really need to talk, Reid.”

“That so? Then why didn’t you just text me?”

“Ouch.” She winced. “I’m sorry about that. More than I can say, Reid, but I just didn’t know how else to break it off. I was afraid that if I called you, I wouldn’t be able to do it, and that wouldn’t have been fair to either of us.”

“At least it was clean. I’ll give you that much,” he replied with a dry laugh.

Although it had hurt like hell when she’d dumped him, he was over it now. Over her. Utterly and completely. He resented that his well-meaning but misguided sister had invited his ex for the Christmas Eve family gathering. Then again, he should have expected it, given that Krista had set them up to begin with. She and Tonya had been best friends forever. It was only natural that she’d want to see them reconcile, but he had no interest whatsoever in resurrecting the dead relationship.

“It was a mistake,” she insisted. “I realize that now. I was lonely and resentful, Reid. At least I was honest about it. I didn’t cheat on you.”

“You think I wasn’t lonely?” he countered.

“But it was your decision to leave. I had no part in it, and then you went and signed on for another four years.”

“I did it because we’re not done over there yet,” he said. “Would you turn over a half-broke colt for use on the trails?”

“Of course not. I’d finish the job.”

“Same here. I’m damn well going to finish what I signed on to do.”

“But you extended your time without even discussing it with me. Of course I was angry. Did you expect me to wait forever?”

“No. That’s why I bought a ring.”

“A ring?” Her brown eyes widened. She visibly swallowed. “You did? When?”

“A few weeks before your text. I was going to surprise you on my next leave.” He shrugged. “Look, there’s no point in rehashing it all.”

“But I think there is. Do you have any idea what it’s like watching the news and hearing about all those guys getting blown to pieces? That’s what I was afraid of. You risk life and limb with every deployment. I wanted all of you, Reid, not some lesser, broken version.”

“So you’d just scratch that line that says ‘in sickness and in health’?”

“Don’t twist my meaning, Reid. Maybe I was being selfish, but I still want you. Can’t we just start over?” She set down her glass of wine on the porch rail and turned to face him, running both hands up his thighs, before settling on his lap, arms twined around his neck. “It was really good between us once, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe once, but that’s in the past now, Ton.” He lifted her back onto her feet. “You’re the one who broke it off. Not me.”