See No Evil (Brotherhood Trilogy #1)(18)

I should have protected her, should have put my body on the line to save her.

Shoving back my covers with an angry huff, I plant my feet on the ground and grip the edge of the mattress.

I’ll never let fear beat me again. I’ll never let it stop me from protecting something I love.

Mom’s face flashes through my mind. Her blue-green eyes smile at me as she laughs and brushes the hair off my face.

I snap my eyes shut against the bittersweet memory and stand tall. I’m not going to sit here being taunted.

I need to skate.

Work up a sweat.

Forget.

With quiet movements, I get dressed and head for the rink. It’s not as cold as it was on Monday but winter is definitely coming, putting an icy nip in the air. I shove my hands in my jacket pockets and hunch my shoulders as the cool wind hits my face.

Darkness veils my prohibited visit to the ice. I know it’s a risk, but skating and exercise are the only things that calm me. My heart always thunders on my way there, knowing this could get me kicked out, but I haven’t been caught once…and so I keep doing it.

I duck against the wall and avoid the security camera that nearly gave me away last time. Running over the damp grass, I skid to a stop against the next building and check to be sure the coast is clear. My eyes are adjusting and I can make out shadows and movement now.

Scanning the open space between me and the rink, I count to five and then jog to my sanctuary.

A movement out of the corner of my eye makes me jump.

“Shit,” someone mutters just as he slips to the ground.

He lands with a thump and I run over to find out who else is sneaking around at this time of night. I can barely make out his features, but my eyes have adjusted enough to work out the murky lump in front of me is a skinny weed.

“Chris?” I put my hand under his arm to help him up. “What the hell are you doing out here?”

“I’m, um…” He scratches the side of his neck. “I just…” He huffs. “What are you doing out here?”

I could lie. It’d most likely be easier, but for some weird reason I blurt, “I’m going skating.”

He gives me a confused frown. “At four o’clock in the morning?”

I shrug. “Can’t sleep. It calms me.”

“Oh.” His voice is soft, filled with understanding.

I want to know why, but then I don’t, because I’m not into Chris. I mean…I don’t want to become friends with the guy…because I don’t think he has a pretty face.

I frown and start walking for the rink.

“Can I come?”

I spin around. “What?”

“I, um, mean… I don’t know.” He starts kicking the ground with his toe, looking nervous and pitiful.

I keep my tone quiet and even. “Can you even skate?”

“Nope.” His head pops up. “Yet another thing against me, right? I’m the weak loser who’s good at only one thing: getting the snot beaten out of me.”

I sigh, not impressed with the pity party. I want to say Man up, dude, but then he keeps talking.

“I hate this place. I want to quit but I can’t. I won’t.” His voice grows with strength as he looks across the grass at me. “I won’t let him win.”

I assume he’s talking about Ivan, and it makes me want to help him, because I hate Ivan for being a prick…and I don’t want to be the guy who turns my back on someone who needs me. I have some major making up to do in my life. Mom’s scream wafts through the back of my brain, a faint taunting that makes me hold in my reluctant sigh.

I wave my hand for Chris to follow. “Come on, then. Let’s see what you can do.”

He chases after me and we walk the final distance together. Leading him around the back, I show him the loose bathroom window I always sneak in through. It’s a tight squeeze for me, but Chris is a skinny wretch so he’ll fit no problem.

Knowing how useless his upper body strength is, I give him a leg up.

“Just thump the corner and it should pop in.”

It takes him three attempts, but finally the window springs inward. I push his feet, launching him through the gap.

He yelps and then there’s a thud. I can’t help laughing.

Jumping up, I grab the sill and hoist myself through the small space. I balance against the top of the stall and land on my feet…nothing but class.

“Show off,” Chris mutters, rubbing his thigh and then his elbow.

I snicker and lead him out of the bathroom…past the showers, which he stares at the whole way, then through to the storage room. My skates are always kept on the top shelf, far right. I grab them and then search for a pair that will fit Chris’s stupidly small feet.

I find an out-of-commission pair on the floor in the back corner and pull them free. Brushing the dust off, I grab some spare socks and lead Chris out to the rink.

“It’s cold.” He rubs his arms, air puffing between his lips.

Shrugging out of my jacket, I throw it at him. He pulls it on, looking even smaller and more pathetic. I avert my gaze, annoyed by the tug I feel. Is it sympathy?

Yes, it has to be.

Because it can’t be anything else.

I’m not gay.

I love girls—their curves, their scent. I like making out with them, watching them move on a dance floor. It turns me on. I’ve gotten hot and heavy with plenty of them. Being at an all boys boarding school hasn’t stopped me from hooking up with chicks on the weekends. I know how to have a good time, and I’ve never once felt any kind of attraction to any of the guys in this place.