Seduction and Snacks (Chocolate Lovers #1)(57)

I quickly put my arm down, opened one of the end table drawers and shoved the damn thing inside just as Gavin ran back into the house with a toy gun, cowboy hat and sheriff’s badge stuck to his shirt.

"Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do, whatcha gonna do when they cut your wiener," Gavin sang as he pointed his gun at random objects.

"Wow, cops have gotten pretty hardcore lately," Carter muttered.

***

I forgave Carter on our ride to the bar because come on, look at him. I couldn't hold a grudge and fantasize about his penis. It was a major conflict of interest.

Business was just starting to pick up at the bar as the after-work crowd started filing in around seven. Liz and Jim ate dinner with Carter at one of the booths and the three of them moved over to the bar after they were done. On one of my many trips walking past them, Carter reached out and grabbed my arm. He swiveled his seat to the side so he could pull me between his legs. I set my empty tray on top of the bar next to him and he rested his hands on my hips.

"Remember when I told you that I would always tell you if your ass looked fat?" he asked.

Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have licked the bowl of milk chocolate clean last night after I finished making turtles. I could feel my thighs getting bigger while I stood here. Were they rubbing together tonight when I walked? I bet he was worried my rubbing thighs were going to start a spark.

Only you can prevent thigh fires. That Smokey the bear jerk only cared about the forest. Fuck the forest. My vagina could catch on fire because Carter thought I was fat.

"Shut your brain off. I wasn't going to tell you that you looked fat," he scolded.

I knew that.

"I was just going to say, I forgot to also mention that I will always tell you when your ass looks so f*cking amazing that I want to wrap my hands around it every time you walk by."

I bit my bottom lip and smiled.

"Anything else?"

Yeah, I was fishing for compliments again. I just had a meltdown about a thigh inferno. I earned this.

"Yes," Carter answered after kissing me softly. "I will also always tell you when your legs look so long and sexy that all I can think about is having them wrapped around my waist."

He kissed my lips again.

"And I will always tell you when you are so beautiful that somebody better call God, because he's missing an angel."

"Awww did you just use a cheesy pick-up line on me?" I asked.

"I've been waiting to use that since I was fifteen," Carter said with a smile.

"Are you guys done yet? I just threw up in my mouth a little listening to this shit," Liz muttered from her seat on the other side of Carter.

"Well aren't you two just the cutest couple?"

I turned away from Carter when I heard the female voice behind me dripping with sarcasm.

"Tasha, what the f*ck are you doing here?" Carter demanded as he stood up behind me.

Whoa, f*cking whoa! Tasha? The ex? This was who Carter dated before he came here? Isn’t this just a pickle on the crap sandwich that is my life. Of course she had to look like a porn star. Miles of long blonde hair, bright blue eyes and a perfect complexion. Not to mention the tiniest waist known to man and the nicest set of boobs I’ve ever seen. They had to be fake. Real boobs weren’t that perfectly round. If I didn’t hate her on sight, I might have asked her if I could touch them. She looked familiar. She flipped her hair behind one shoulder and it suddenly came to me where I knew her from.

"Hey, you were at Jenny’s sex toy party a few weeks ago."

I felt Liz walk up next to me.

"Oh yeah, I remember her. Twat Face Tasha," Liz said with a smile as she crossed her arms in front of her.

Twatty huffed in irritation. "It was Tantalizing Tasha."

"Nope, I'm pretty sure it was Twat Face," Liz said, looking to me for confirmation.

I nodded in agreement.

"Oh it definitely was. She probably doesn't remember because we talked about it behind her back," I said with a shrug.

Before I knew it, Cunty was up in my face.

"Listen slut, just because you're Carter’s new flavor of the week doesn't make you anything special."

All hell broke loose then. Carter started yelling at Tasha, Tasha yelled at all of us and Liz pushed her away from me. I just stood there in the middle of the commotion in shock.

"That's enough Tasha," Carter said angrily. "Tell me what you want, or leave. You will not just show up here out of the blue and insult Claire."

She gave me another snide look before turning her gaze back on Carter.

"Wow, it sure didn't take you long to find some little whore to dip your wick into did it?" Tasha asked Carter sarcastically.

Oh hell no! She did not just call me a whore.

I took a step towards her, my hands shaking with the urge to punch that smug look off of her face.

"That's pretty rich considering I heard you f*cked your way through the phone book when you were with Carter. Your vagina is a giant gaping hole like the one the iceberg left on the titanic. It's a crime scene in your pants with hundreds of people screaming in horror and trying to jump the f*ck off."

I didn't even know what I was saying at this point. I was just spouting nonsense because I was pissed. And it looked like I hit the nail on the head - or the vagina. Tasha charged me like a bull. Everyone moved at once. I moved out of the way, Carter, Liz and Jim all got in front of me and grabbed onto Tasha while she screamed about killing me. It turns out, porn star-slut-ex-girlfriends aren’t so pretty when they have tomato-red faces, spit flying out of their mouths and their limbs are flailing all over the place.