Saviour (Saviour #1)(25)
He kisses my forehead, having him this close, breathing in his smell, feeling his flesh on mine is just divine but I’m not ready for anything else, not today, I want him, badly, but I want it to be right and I definitely don’t want it to be in Jo’s spare bed, I don’t think I even answer him, I must lose the battle against exhaustion and simply fall asleep.
~
I jump as the bedroom door is kicked open and as I struggle to open my eyes I see Jason standing over me, I call out to Gabe but he's in such a deep sleep he doesn't hear me. Jason grabs me by my hair and pulls me out of the bed and along the floor. I swing my arms and try to hit him. He’s dragging me towards the door and I just know that once he gets me out of that room, away from Gabe, it will be game over for me; I don’t remember being more terrified in all of my life, I reach out and try to grab on to anything available, just to slow down what I know is inevitably coming to me but I refuse to give in, I won’t go quietly, I kick out with my legs and grab on with my hands, clawing at the sheets, the doona, anything and I try my hardest to call out to Gabriel but I just can't seem to make a sound, other than this strange choking noise as I try to gasp for air, I’m terrified, because I just know what’s coming. I become aware of my name being called over and over and my eyes open. Gabe is leaning over me, kissing my face and telling me to shush, I can hear myself sobbing. My first instinct is to claw and lash out at him but he’s too strong for me and he just pins my arms down on the bed.
“Baby, baby, shush it’s okay, it’s okay you’re safe, it's just a bad dream, it's just me and you bubby, your safe”
“He was here, he kicked the door open and he pulled me by my hair” I sob “I called and called out to you but you didn’t wake up and he was dragging me to the door, he, I think he wants to kill me, he was here Gabe”
“Lauren, it was a dream, just a dream, he’s not here and if he does ever come near you, I promise, I swear to God, I will f*cking kill him”
I get my breathing under control and gradually stop sobbing, he kisses my head through my hair and strokes his fingers gently up and down my spine and my arms.
“I’m so sorry” I whisper.
“It’s okay, you just scared the shit out of me, you okay? You sounded terrified”
“Yeah, yeah, think I'm okay now I know you’re here, I’m sorry” I feel like such an idiot now that I’ve calmed down a bit, he must think that I am a complete and utter nut job.
“I will always be here Lauren; I won’t let him hurt you again, ever” He rains more kisses down onto my head and into my hair, which I find immensely soothing. We both settle down but it takes me a while to get back off to sleep.
CHAPTER SIX
When I wake up in the morning, Gabe's not here and the house is empty. There's a note from Jo on the dining table telling me to make myself at home and help myself to anything to eat. Didn't we establish last night that she has no food in the house? But there's nothing from Gabe. I pick up my phone and there are a few missed calls, voice mails and texts, one of which is from Gabriel. I open it
“Morning gorgeous, sry I wasn't there when u woke, I had 2 get into work early this morning. Hope u slept better the rest of the nite... U certainly snored well :-) I will give u a call later as there's sumthing I wanna discus. Have a good day, rest & eat!!!That's an order .Ciao x
Something to discuss? Shit what does that mean and I was snoring? Bollocks, I know that I snore, god he must be wondering what he's getting himself into. A wrinkly old lady, with a saggy belly, who snores like a drunken wharfie, was probably not part of his life plan!
I find a box of cornflakes in the pantry, add some ice cold milk and sugar and tuck in. Yum, I’d forgotten how good this old favourite tasted. I put on the TV and channel surf through the day time viewing options. Nothing grabs me so I put on a music channel but all of the songs are reminding me of my predicament and set me to thinking and over thinking. Have I f*cked up? Do I really want to leave Jay? I do love him, you can't wipe away 26 years of feelings and I wouldn't want to, he's been my best friend for most of my life, he's the father of my children and I will probably love him till the day I die. But I'm no longer in love with him, of that I am sure, I dread him coming home in the evening in case he's in a bad mood, my heart races when he's around through fear not passion or arousal as used to be the case, so for these reasons alone we need to part. And now, on top of all of this, he has all but admitted that he has cheated on me. I don’t know the details, I know I've told him I want a divorce but I really haven't thought that far ahead yet. If he makes an effort to change, would I go back to him? I really don't know the answer to that. Then there's Gabriel, .if I was writing a book and had to write in a love interest, he would fit the role perfectly. If you could design a man to order, he is what mine would look like. Tall, tanned, muscular but not too much. Beautiful blue eyes and hair that has a mind of its own, he has a square jaw and that cute little dimple or cleft or whatever it’s called, right in the middle of his chin. But that's just looks. There’s so much more to him than that handsome face and hot body, I've only known him three days, but he's gone out of his way to show me nothing but kindness. He’s laid his cards on the table and told me he's interested in a relationship. But, do I want or need a relationship right now? Shouldn't I be spending this time getting my head straight and working out what I'm going to do with my life, if, as it would seem now, that my marriage is truly over? And what is it Gabe wants to talk about? Us, is there such a thing as ‘us’ yet? Why do I feel nervous, why am I worried that he might want to end things, when really, things haven't even begun. Or have they? He does have an effect on me. Is that just his good looks and charm or do we really have a connection? There has definitely been a spark since that very first touch but is that enough to base a relationship on? Does he really want a relationship? He told me that first night he doesn’t do relationships. My head is swimming with all of these thoughts. I go and fetch a pillow from the bedroom and head back to the sofa and pull a fleecy throw over me. I play a game on my phone, look at my Facebook, and decide just for the time being, I will deactivate my account. Jason doesn’t use Facebook but even so, I don’t want anyone posting anything on there about Gabe and run the chance of Jay finding out, I flick the TV back on and find an old, old film to watch. Gas Light, staring Ingrid Bergman, a favourite of mine. The next thing I'm aware of is my phone vibrating next to me. It stops and I wake myself up.