Saving Dancer (Savage Brothers MC #2)(38)

“You look like death warmed over, your woman is currently in a bathroom crying over your sorry ass and all this is after you drove your vehicle into a f*cking lake trying to end it all. Doesn’t sound at-f*cking-all like you’ve got a handle on shit.”

“I believe I said I don’t want to talk about this,” he growls, moving to stand. “I’m not two, I’m a grown ass man and I do not want to do this.”

I grab his wrist to hold him in place.

“You move out of this chair and you will regret it. We’re going to have this shit out. We’re going to have it out now and we’re going to work through it. I will not lose another brother. I will not lose you. Do you hear me, Dance?”

“You’ve become a meddlesome motherf*cker since I’ve been gone, Dragon,” he sighs, but relaxes back into his seat. Only then do I let go and take another drink. Fuck, I’m going to need it.

“You want to tell me why driving your car off a ledge is better than reaching out to your family?”

“I’m not getting why you think this is your business. You weren’t there. You haven’t lived any of this shit. I have. If I don’t want to discuss it, then by god I should have that right.”

He’s right, I think for a second, but disregard it. If he hadn’t tried to end it, he’d be right. If he was coping worth a damn, he’d be right. He’s dong none of those things.

“It is my business. You’re my business. You’re family.”

“This family is so f*cked up Drag. I’m not sure that’s a good thing anymore.”

It’s a low blow, but I allow it. I still can’t figure out how I missed the signs about Irish.

“You can talk or I will, Dance. It makes not one damned bit of difference to me at this point.”

“I got nothing to say.”

I sigh. I was hoping this would go a different way.

“When you were unconscious at the hospital you had dreams,” I watch as my brother’s face turns pale white.

“You don’t get to go there, Dragon,” he says, the words lie heavy in the quiet room. His voice is laced with a cold anger that could chill a man to the bone. “This is my f*cking life, and you do not get to go there! You do not get to f*cking discuss it and we’re not talking about this f*cking shit!”

He gets up throwing his glass across the room. I don’t know where it lands. I’m too busy watching my brother. Too busy seeing the misery inside of him literally bleed to the surface.

“This does not concern you, Dragon. This has nothing to do with you. This is my f*cking life and I will deal with this shit the way I want to!” He growls starting towards the door.

“You’re not dealing with it, Dance. Man, you aren’t even going to the damn therapy appointments the hospital set up.”

“You’ve been f*cking checking up on me? What the hell gives you the right?” He yells, turning around to look at me.

“Dance man, I care about you. Hell, we all do. I want to help you.”

“You can’t help me! You don’t know a f*cking thing about it! While you were here finding the woman you wanted, I was the one rotting away! I was the one locked behind steel doors, spending my nights staring through bars! I was the one being beat down by the guards! I was the one whose soul was shriveling inside—dying little by little, piece by piece, every f*cking, damned day! I was the one who was held down and beaten nearly unconscious while the guards laughed! I was the one they forced! I was the one…SON OF A BITCH! JUST STAY OUT OF IT! It was me, not you, not Crusher, not motherf*cking Bull, none of you! It was me! So, don’t you f*cking try to tell me what the f*ck I need to do! You have no clue! NONE!”

He slams out of the room and I let him go. I let him go, because I have no idea what to do. Fuck, maybe I’ve made it worse.

I have to do something. Anything, because some things can’t be unheard, some things can’t be undone. Some things eat holes in you. My brother has holes the size of the f*cking Grand Canyon eating him alive and I don’t have the first idea of how to help him, but I have to try. I have to.

I need to start finding who exactly was involved in those attacks—every last f*cking one. I can’t use Freak or none of the boys though. This secret is Dance’s and I will NOT add to his pain, but I am going to find every last man involved and then I will make them bleed and beg for death, before I end them. Believe me, I will end them. I will.





Chapter 21




Dancer


I don’t want to say I ran out of there, but I walked fast. I don’t look back. I’m mad, not so much at Dragon—more at the world. I knew what was coming and I knew I didn’t want to hear what Dragon had to say. I knew I couldn’t handle it. I should have turned and left immediately. Why the f*ck didn’t I leave?

I jump on my bike and point it towards *’s. I should go home to Carrie. I should, but I can’t. I need to get lost in a bottle. I can’t stand her eyes looking at me in sadness and disappointment. I’ve disappointed her way too much.

My drive there is quick. I drive hard and fast, letting the cold air hit my face. I welcome the sting and the numbness it eventually brings. I curse the tears I feel hitting my face. Men do not cry. Real men! Strong men! I don’t feel strong. Hell, I’m not strong. Things like what happened to me, they don’t happen to strong men. I scream out into the night air. It doesn’t help—not one damn bit.