Savage Urges (The Phoenix Pack, #5)(65)
“He didn’t give my parents his permission to mate, did he?”
Ryan shook his head. “But imprinting can happen without a couple’s control. They probably tried to hide it at first. But once their scents mixed it would have been impossible. Conrad was furious. Especially since it was obvious by your mother’s scent that she was in the early stages of pregnancy. He wanted to publicly execute them as an example to the others. But your parents were able to escape. Probably because Conrad wouldn’t have ever expected them to dare try.”
“Wait, both of them escaped?”
“Conrad sent his enforcers after them, but they were smart. They disappeared.”
Her mother had told her that she and Makenna were banished when she was a toddler. If Ryan’s info was to be believed, Makenna had never known her pack at all. “But . . . my father.”
“Nobody knows what happened to him. I couldn’t find out, Kenna, I’m sorry.”
“Why would my mom lie and tell me we were banished? Why wouldn’t she tell me the full story?”
“Maybe the truth was too painful for her to talk about. Maybe she intended to tell you what really happened, when you were older.”
Maybe. “You called Conrad ‘the old Alpha.’ He’s dead now?”
Ryan nodded. “Which means I can’t kill him.” And that was terribly disappointing. “The new Alpha seems to be a good one. He’s also your mother’s younger brother. He’s been looking for you and your parents for a long time.”
Makenna puffed out a long breath, overwhelmed. The answers she’d fooled herself into believing she didn’t want were much worse than she’d expected. So much worse. Her Alpha had not only been a traitorous bastard but a twisted one. He hadn’t banished her mother, he’d refused to allow her to mate and then he’d hunted her—forcing her into hiding. As for her father . . . Makenna still had no idea what happened to him. She did know one thing. “My parents didn’t deserve what happened to them.”
“Neither did you.”
“I don’t really know what to do with all that information right now.” It was too much for her to process while she felt so raw. And, honestly, she didn’t want to process it. She didn’t want to lie there dwelling on how different things could have been. She just wanted to let her mate hold her and comfort her.
Not liking that she was retreating inward but understanding why she would wish to, he said, “You don’t have to do anything with it.” He dabbed a light kiss on her mouth. Gripping his nape, she tried to take over the kiss—to make it rough, wild. He didn’t let her. He kissed her soft and slow and deep, skimming one hand up her thigh and under her dress to cup her ass.
As Ryan possessively dug his teeth hard into her throat, she hissed in warning. He growled. “Mine to bite,” he reminded her. He expected to see a spark of defiance in her eyes. Instead, there was sadness and longing. “Tell me your fears, Kenna. They’re the only things left jamming the bond.”
Makenna worried her lower lip. His words weren’t coaxing; they were a pure demand. Her time had run out, just as he’d warned her it soon would. She couldn’t really blame him for his insistence on the truth, especially when he believed it would be the answer to their problems. Unlike her, he didn’t see it as a risk or as something that could lead to the end of what they had. He truly believed that the mating bond was waiting for them to clear the path. She didn’t have that same faith, and she didn’t want to gamble and lose him.
The truth was, she loved him. But that wasn’t an excuse to hold her to him like this by dragging her heels. And that was exactly what she was selfishly doing. If there were a female waiting for him somewhere—her wolf snarled at the very thought—he deserved to know and be free to find her. Rising to her feet, she folded her arms over her chest and took a deep breath. “Okay. Fine. Let’s find out once and for all if you’re right.”
Ryan got to his feet, not liking her defensive body language or the distance she’d placed between them. He also didn’t like the way she was looking at him. Sad. Regretful. Moments went by, but she said nothing. “Tell me, Kenna.”
She straightened her shoulders, trying to ignore the anxiety curdling in her stomach. Her lungs seemed to hurt with every breath. She wasn’t ready to let him go yet. But her instincts told her that it was exactly what she’d have to do. “You’ll want me to rely on you.” Swallowing the emotion clogging her throat, she admitted, “I don’t think I can, even though I want to.”
“Because you lost the last person you did rely on.” He understood that. It was a fear Ryan could easily chase away. “You won’t lose me, Kenna. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yes, you are.” Her smile was sad. “Because there’s no mating bond.” There was nothing at all there. But she would not cry. Even though her throat ached, her chest was painfully tight, and her world was f*cking falling apart, she wouldn’t cry in front of him. She wouldn’t guilt him into staying with her. He didn’t deserve that.
“That’s because you’re holding something else back.”
Cold all of a sudden, she hugged herself as she shook her head. “No, Ryan, I’m not. That’s the only fear standing in the way of me ever accepting a mate.”