Sacrifice (The Snow Queen #2)(58)

Gerta scrubbed at her face with her mittens and hiccupped.

“Princess.” Oskar joined the little group. His face was lined with exhaustion and sadness as he bent over and scooped up Gerta in his arms. “She told you?”

“It’s true? Kai’s mother left?” Rakel asked.

Oskar nodded. “Halvor sent out some troops with the intension of tracking her, but even if they catch her…”

He trailed off, and Rakel dazedly nodded. Even if they find her, what can we do? If we force her to take him, how will Kai suffer?

“Where is he?” Rakel asked.

“Kai!” General Halvor shouted.

Rakel shifted her gaze from her attendant to the general, who stood in the center of Tana with Hilda. The little boy was fighting a soldier trying to hold onto him. He kicked the man in the shins and bit the soldier until he was released, then ran out the back gate of the village, tearing into the snow field west of the city.

Halvor raised a whistle to his lips, but Rakel shouted, “General—I’ll go after him.”

She gave chase—abandoning her self-taught elegance and formality to run after the boy. “Kai!”

Phile was on her heels, but Farrin zipped ahead with his speed magic, cutting Kai off. Farrin’s sudden appearance surprised Kai, who tripped and fell face first into the snow.

Phile and Farrin hung back as Rakel hurried to his side. “Kai.” Relief coated her voice as she knelt in the snow. She placed a hand on his shoulder, but Kai sprang up.

“Don’t touch me!” he shouted.

Rakel’s heart grieved for the broken boy. His eyes flickered with pain and hurt, his chin trembled, and his entire body shook. He raised his fists to his eyes and gave a dry sob.

Rakel reached out again, but Kai took a step away from her. “No!” Kai shouted. “Don’t touch me! I-I’m a monster!”

“No, you aren’t,” Rakel said.

“Yes, I am! Mother left me because I have magic. I hate magic! It’s evil! It is wrong! I hate it. I hate it!”

“Kai—”

“I was happy until I got it. Magic is wrong. It’s evil! It has to be!”

“It’s not.” Rakel rolled her shoulders back, working to keep the edge out of her voice. It is not Kai I’m furious with, she reminded herself. It seems fearing your own child is something that transcends ones’ station when magic is involved. But royal or commoner, how could any mother ever think abandoning her child as acceptable? I’d like to find that worthless—she cut her thoughts off.

Rakel cleared her throat. “Magic is not wrong, Kai. Your mother is.”

Kai cried and dropped to his knees.

She eased closer to him. “Her actions are wrong and hurtful. You have done nothing to warrant this.”

“Then why did she leave me?” Kai squinted up at her with tear-glazed eyes.

When she saw the pain flooding his eyes, her magic roared within her. If I ever find that woman, I will teach her magic worth running from… Rakel flinched. Too much like Tenebris. Enough. She pushed the thought aside and concentrated on Kai.

“Some people, like your mother, do not understand our powers. They are afraid of getting hurt. It is unfortunate, but again and again you will have to prove that you can be trusted, that you will not abuse your powers.” She hesitatingly tried to embrace him, unsure if he would shake her off again. This time he leaned into her and rested his head against her shoulder.

“It’s not fair,” he whispered.

Rakel remembered her lonely childhood and years of isolation. “I know.” She raised her gaze from the shivering boy and saw Farrin and Phile. Standing just past them were General Halvor and Oskar. The sight of the stocky general and the red-headed attendant produced a surge of warmth in her heart. “We are alike, Kai. Our parents abandoned us, but we are not alone. Gerta, Grandmother Hilda, Phile, and I—we all love you! You are wanted—and treasured.”

Some of Kai’s trembling subsided, but he still clung to her. “Will she come back?” he asked in a small voice.

Rakel hesitated. “I don’t know.”

A dry sob escaped him.

Rakel’s fury rekindled, but she tempered it. What can I do to reach him? Thinking back to her loneliest times, she remembered her books from Oskar, and the steadfast knowledge that Halvor would never sacrifice her when fighting the Chosen.

She cleared her throat. “Kai, I know I’m not your mother, or even Grandmother Hilda, but I love you. Nothing would make me happier than to call you my family.” The words were out of Rakel’s mouth before she realized what she was saying, but she knew them to be true. “I want you. I see how special and amazing you are. I will stay with you through the good and the bad—no matter what happens.”

Kai’s eyes were still glazed with pain, but Rakel saw a flicker of hope in them. “You promise? We’ll be family?”

Rakel wasn’t exactly sure what they were agreeing on. She was too young to be his mother, and the wound was too fresh. But maybe…I can be his Oskar, and that is a kind of family that is just as special and important. “I give you my royal word,” Rakel said. “You will always be in my heart.”

Kai buried his face in Rakel’s dress again, and Rakel rested her hands on his back. “You’ll never be alone, Kai. You are loved. And if you can accept your magic as a gift, you will see there is a beauty there.”